A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Question in regards to parentsRecently my family has gone through a tough time I am 32 and have not lived at home with my parents for a very long time...Both my parents are currently disabled. Dads been on disability for 3 years Mom was working but is suffering from knee problems and liver issues which will cause her to have to go on interferon(not sure on spelling) Moms on LOA unpaid.There are 3 Children still living at home with them 21,20,14.The two oldest are both working and going to school (they contribute to household expenses $100 per week each. my question. Considering they are both experiencing health problems and not really bringing in enough income to support the household I am struggling with deciding on weather to give them a cash gift or or maybe dinner and a movie gift cards.They both smoke even though they cant afford to pay there bills or rent on top of the health issues and it boils my blood, however I feel as though being the oldest and much better off then them I should give them some money to help them through. I know if I give them money I cannot control what they spend it on.On the other hand I'm thinking that it would be really nice for them to have a fun night out considering all that they have been through.Any Ideas or suggestions?Anyone else experience a similar situation with family members or loved ones?Could really use the advice...
View related questions:
christmas, disabled, living at home, money Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Tyedyedturtle +, writes (10 December 2011):
 What about a grocery or gas giftcard? That way you know where the money is being spent and they can have a week's worth of groceries on you or a tank of gas, and can focus their money on bills. Personally, I would try to do a mix of the two so a little fun could be had, but either are super nice gestures and your family is lucky to have such a thoughtful person like you! Happy holidays and best of luck!
A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (10 December 2011):
 Hi if your parents are both in straightened circumstances, with health problems and with not enough money coming in then it is likely they are starting to feel hopeless and stressed. Therefore if you give them money direct they are more likely to spend it on their cigarettes and maybe even doing something nice for their children, rather defeating the reasons you gave them the money. Before Christmas ask your parents if you could directly pay a few of their more pressing outstanding bills direct for them to relieve the pressure before Christmas. And when they say no (they will most likely say no out of shame and embarassment) then you need to tell them why it is so important to you. That you worry if they get utilities cut off etc. Insist that it would make YOU feel better if they would please allow you to do this as a "Once off"And perhaps let them know in advance that you will also buy the turkey for Christmas? Then for Christmas give them both a modest present each.Start as you mean to go on. Because they cannot afford to give you something expensive. So if you do they may feel they cannot accept it.Time with their children is likely to give them more joy than a night out that might be uncomfortable for both of them if their health is failing.The three children (and Still at school, but two with part time jobs) still living at home may well be costing far more than $100 a week when all expenses (food, utilities, cleaning costs, accomodation etc) It is wonderful that each child is willing to help. But $100 is not a huge amount and when all is added up, it probably costs your parents more each week.Think how much your parents love you all so much, and it makes them happy to have their children near. No doubt much more than an expensive night out
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2011): In this situation I think that your idea to give them money is the best idea. I used to do this for my parents before my Dad passed away, and they loved it, because it's what they needed. You can't control what they spend it on, and it's frustrating to see them smoking when they can't afford it, but the more stress they have the harder it is to stop for some people, sad but true. I think it's fantastic that you are taking care of and supporting them through this difficult time. I wish you and your family all the happiness and health in life. Good Luck.
...............................
A
female
reader, chickpea2011 +, writes (10 December 2011):
 Hi,
First of all, all the three of you are very good people helping your parensts and being supportive and kind. The fun of offering a gift is to unwrap the gift paper, and not know what's inside, however in your situation I think giving them money will make them more happy. Put the money in a christmas card, write some thoughts worlds and I think they will be happy. I am the oldest, lost my mom 9 years ago and I support my dad. I notice the older they get, the more they like money...lol :-)
I wish you and your family a wonderful, healthy, happy holidays!!!
...............................
|
