A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my boyfriend for 5 years. We bought a house almost 2 years ago. It's in his name as my credit wasn't good enough to be used though my income was for th loan. Anyway, recently, I had an atv accident that he has been blaming himself for. Right after that, he told me it was over, he had met some girl who was at least 10 yrs younger than me (he's 5 yrs older than me). Well,the thing is, they used to work together and she has 2 kids from other guys. He doesn't want kids and he told me the next day when we talked that he was wrong and he realized he didn't want to lose me. Well, in the week that followed, he has changed his mind about us 2 more times. He has always been honest with me and when we talked, he told me how he really felt. He loves me, cares for me, wants to take care of me. But he also wants her. His friends all tell him to do what makes him happy. What would make him happy is if he could have both of us, even though he already know sit wont last with her. And he knows I love him unconditionally. With the pasts that we have had before each other, we both know that we will always love each other and will feel this way. Tonight he said he needed time, which I have been giving him and he tells me not to worry. just 3 days ago, he said he wasn't going to change his mind again. Well, he said he wasn't happy, yet he still loves me and all that. What can I do when I have given up everything for him, and he has done so much with me and for me that eh didn't even do with or for an ex that he was engaged to! I'm so confused that he was say hes not happy, that he loves me and wants to be with me, but he needs space and that I shouldn't worry. It has me so worried, depressed, and hurt that I want to just strangle him! And I try to talk him through what he thinks is wrong and what exactly he feels but he tells me that talking about it won't help. He has to figure it out on his own. I honestly have nowhere to go if he were to end it and I for one will die without him. Depression has already set in to me years ago but this has brought it all back up and I know I won't be happy with anyone else, as even his family and friends know he wont' be as happy with anyone else! What can I do? He's the kind of guy who has literally ruined his friendship with what once was a really good friend because the friend was sleeping around on his wife. My boyfriend knows I still love him and that I will never hate him. He also knows that I could forgive him for this one night in time when the trust is re-established. Honestly, if we were to end, It would literally kill me. I can't eat, or sleep, while I am so worried about it. Please, anybody have anything helpful besides the fact I should see a shrink? I am taking care of that aspect but I still need help with him! He tells me now to worry. How can I deal with this?
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female
reader, SillyB +, writes (31 July 2010):
 You need to get counseling for yourself. What I read shows just how confused and insecure of a person you are. This is not normal. You are letting this man make a fool out of you. Take partial ownership of the house, kick him out, get counseling.
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (31 July 2010):
The problem I read in your post is you're making this out to be more of a fairytale where love conquers all, rather than really looking at the facts about what this guy has done to you. You had an accident, you were hurt, and he then walked out with another woman who had children (that he didn't want). Then he decided he was wrong, so came back to you (so he hurt this other woman who chances are he has been cheating with). Then he left again and is now telling you he loves you and all that.
Well I'll tell you if he does love you, he has a very interesting way of showing it. Because what I see here is a man who is keeping you around as spare. And I see you being too lenient and sitting there waiting to be hurt again.
Fact is, id he loved you that much, he wouldn't have treated you this way at all. I think you need to sit down by yourself and really look at this guy and how he's treated you. There are plenty of far better guys out there.
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