A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So me and my husband have been together for 2 and a half years. We have a beautiful 17 month old daughter and i am totally in love with him and find myself loving him more and more everyday. Yes we have been thru alot of typical relationship issues like jealousys, porn, alone time, etc., Well to tell a lil about why my issue came about..me and my husband had only been dating about a few months when we moved in with each other at a friends..few months later his ex gf moved in bc she was friends with the person who owned the place. i tried to deal but it was too much stress and we all got into many arguments. Well recently the ex wrote my husband sayin he wasnt the man he used to be that he was ditching his friends (talking about her and her bf) he eventually replied saying yes he wasnt and he wasnt happy he couldnt talk to his friends but this wasnt the way he expected life to turn out. I ended up bringing it up to him asking if he blamed me for it and he said no he blamed himself it was his fault for the situation. So then we got into a talk about if he still cared for her and so forth and he told me that she was his first love and work friends say u never get over ur first love etc etc and i was devastated. we went out that night then came back and he asked me why i thought it was all about his ex! totally flipped it around! said he just wasnt happy that he loved me but didnt know how he feels about me isnt in love with me.. Today after a wk it came up cuz i had mentioned i thought it best maybe to give him time alone after a wk to go back home and we started talking and i was asking for us to do marriage counciling..he said it was no help and i kept begging him to try for me and our daughter to not give up so easily and he said ive tried loving you its not my fault for the way i feel and that you cant fix something that was never there..pretty much saying that he never loved me?? we were together 2 wks when we told each other we loved one another..he was talking about marriage at month 2..im so confused and hurt and dont know what to do.,.i just kno that i cant see myself with any other man..hes stubborn and pushes ppl away but ive stuck thru bc he makes me happy no matter what, im happy to see him, when he touches me its like the sun is shining and the birds are singing..its like i love him so much that there isnt the perfect word or phrase to put it into..how is it that i a negative person he says can for once in my life give my full self to a man and love him for him and all his faults and belive he is my soulmate but he doesnt kno what he wants that hes not happy and doesnt think he can ever be happy with me or anyone else..
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (25 November 2010):
 He is just angry. I do not know why, I probably do require it but I know that he is just angry. When people are faced with harsh things, they tend to deal it out like playing cards to everyone so that they can release some anger. He may say the cruelest things and not mean it.
Listen instead to his touch, listen to his stare and his breath when he is with you. In that may you find his feelings for you. How does he treat you? You two must spend SOME time together do you not? When you spend time with each other, how does he speak to you? If it is gentle and caring and full of love then there is no need to heed whatever words he spews out from anger. If he still holds you at night as though you were the most precious thing in the world to him, there is no need to feel pain from his stinging voice from stress. But, if he does not do all of those things, if he treats you like anything other than his wife, I suggest you two have a break so you will have time to pull the reins on your hearts and steer them the right direction, for the sake of your daughter.
I hope that helps.
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