A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm confused and don't know what to do, my ex and I have a little boy together, when he was born we got on well but as the year has passed we have got worse and been arguing a lot, we end up saying horrible things to each other and I feel he does not spend enough time with our son and he does not have a good bond with him. We argue over stupid things. A lot has happened since we split and I find it hard to forget it all. I care about him loads and love him but I don't know what to do to stop the stupid arguements.Thanks.
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female
reader, pgissyd +, writes (27 November 2007):
 Hi there, do you find other things streesful too? like looking after yourself, keeping the house tidy, doing the weekly shopping?
Very often after you have a child you get antinatal depression, this can lea to a lot of issues with partners, from starting stupid arguments to accusing them of having affairs.
I suspect your partner was feeling left out and useless, so he was under some stress himself but if yo have post natal depressin, though a lot of people get over it in a few months, a lot of poeple develop classic depression too, and dont even know it. Is everything his or someone elses fault? the reality is it probably isnt his fault, you have most likely been pushing him away and he is just as confused and hurt as you.
I think you need to ask him what his point of view is on why you two argue so much, tell him no matter what he says, it wont upset you. If he states that he doesnt know why you keep starting fights, then I strongly urge you to take a trip to the docs, I seem to be say that a lot on here! have a chat with him or her, or even your health visitor, explain how you have been feeling and how its affecting your relationship, they will assess you by asking several questions. I expect them to reccomend anti depressants for 6 months in conjuction with a few chats with a councelor. I reccomend you take this course, as it will help you cope and see things clearer.
Most of all, regardless of if it depression or not, you HAVE to talk with you partner, find out his point of view so you can understand things from his angle, only when yoknow the ful story can you begin to move forward.
I hope I have helped in some way, feel free to ask more naytime.
Take care
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