A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:we broke up over three weeks ago for certain issues i won't waste time explaining (no one cheated and no one lied, etc). we didn't speak for the first week at all, and then we finally started talking a couple of weeks ago. we text each other constantly now, and there hasn't been a day that's gone by we haven't spoken. when i asked her where we stood about a week ago, she asked if we could just not put a label on things and just continue talking because her life is crazy hectic right now, which is true. she's a very busy person. thing is, i kinda need to know if i need to move on or not, though! i told her we could do that because i didn't know what else to do and i didn't want to lose her. well at this point, she's gotten to where she's told me she misses my voice and will call me to talk on the phone sometimes, or she will tell me she misses me, or that she wishes i was there to cuddle with her at night, etc. she even said she still loves me. which is great and all, but it all just confuses me. tonight, i asked her if she was at all interested in dating other guys. she said no, that i was the only person she talks to, and that she doesn't have the time to get to know other guys like that right now, and that her life is way to chaotic to even consider dating. which kind of confused me even more because what exactly am i? she says she's not considering dating right now, but still texts me 24/7? what should i do at this point? do i wait around because she is still giving me a lot of her time? or do i insist she put a label back on us and get back together or nothing at all? what is the right direction to move in? i don't want to wait on her, just to regret all the time i could have used to move on from her if need be. but if she's just extremely busy but doesn't want to let go of us completely, i don't want to move on and regret it if i could have just been patient. afterall, she did say she's not looking for other guys. but maybe when her life settles down, she'll drop me and want other guys? ugh. i'm very confused. advice needed, please. thanks.
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female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (8 November 2012):
 Its very hard to say what she wants or where this will go without knowing the reasons why you broke up. So if you could provide more information that would be very helpful!
But here is some generic advise that I would give anyone in this situation - you cant keep waiting on her because she is keeping you in limbo, keeping your hopes up that you might get back together by telling you she loves you, misses you etc. But as you rightly said, once her life settles down she might want to try something new, and you will have been waiting around for her only to be dropped for someone else.
It quite simply is not fair on you to wait around, so you need to tell her that either you work on your problems with a view to getting back together, or you both move on. Obviously it is hard for me to say whether this is even a good idea or not because I dont know what the 'problems' in your relationship are, perhaps they cant be resolved so in that case all you can do is move on.
But whatever you do, dont allow her to keep you dangling on a string, building your hopes up because chances are you are only keeping her company because she is lonely and will soon find someone else.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2012): Well there are two likely answers. One she is honest, and you have been friend zoned. In which case tell her you want to date other people and see what she says.
Two she has lied and used the break to try another guy. In which case she hasn't settled yet and you are being strung along as the "back up plan". It is easy for her to text two people 24/7. In which case you should with draw. Reduce the time and emotion you are spending on her. Help her to realize that you are broken up, and that you are too strong to be used that way.
Although unlikely it is possible that the situation is exactly as you describe. I actually have seen women do what she is describing, Getting all wrapped up in work school and projects, and thinking they can put relationships on "hold". Men just don't work that way. Even if we are on "hold" we still need a regular amount of physical love. That is why you feel confused. Her words don't fill your needs. In other words, her actions say to you that she doesn't love you. No, she won't see it that way.
My advice, tell her what you need to stay invested. If she has time to text all evening she has time to see you in person.
-J-
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