A
female
age
30-35,
*oleil Soma
writes:I recently started dating my cousin [first cousin, once removed. btw], like a little over a month ago. But my problem is that even though he's not around [different state], I feel as though I wanna have sex with him. But even if he was around, we are both Christians and intend on waiting until marriage to have sex, but my other problem is that I want him to be my first [not to mention only]. I'm just so confused. The only thing I know 100% without a doubt is true is that I love more than anyone else. But me and sex are just not something that go together, so its rather odd for me to have these feelings and thoughts. Actually I've never had these feelings or thoughts until just recently.And, yes, some of our family knows. But not everybody, in case people wanted to know. I'll be 16 in a few days and he'll be 17 in a month, for those who want to know our ages.Basically, I wanna have sex with the man I love who happens to be my cousin, but I've never had these feelings before [love and sexual] so I don't know what to do with them or if I should act on them or not. I'm open to advice.
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female
reader, chloe71z +, writes (17 August 2008):
 Ok first of all dont listen to that idiot anonymous who sayed go ahead and have sex. Just cause you want to dont mean your body is Phisicaly ready. These feelings are normal I remember having feelings like those about male cousin of mine but nothing came of it he was way to old for me like me being 11 and he was 19. Feelings like those are normal. This is the age when you have top learn how to control them and dont let them control you. Now as far as him being your cousin. There are many people who date or even marry within there own family and have normal children. This is only a decision you can make but I would sugest that you wait till you are older or even married to have sex it makes it so much more special and puts a bond between those two people that can never be broken.
Good luck with your decicion i hope and pray that you make the responsable one. Dont forget to hold to your beliefes, God will remeber that you waited.
Hope this helps and GOD BLESS
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2008): If you want to have sex with him, I say go ahead and do it. No one else has walked in your shoes or knows what it's like to be you. There's an old saying that you can't help who you're going to fall in love with, so I say go with what you feel. Even though you may want him to be your first and one and only, it might not last, cuz no one can predict the future. I say that if you're sure about how you feel, then pursue a relationship with him. It's better to go with your feelings, than to leave them bottled up inside of you, where they can cause frustration, jealousy, bitterness, and all sorts of other negative things. So do what you feel is right for you, and don't worry about what others think. You have to live your own life, no one else can do it for you.Have you been fantasizing about having sex with him? Are you willing to make the first move and let him know how you feel about him? If the answer to these questions is yes, then it's probably another sign that you should act on your feelings. Feelings aren't right or wrong, they just are, so do what you feel is right for you and your life. Good luck, and please post back here if you do have sex with him so we can know how things turned out.
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A
female
reader, dreamflower +, writes (16 August 2008):
 Okay first of all, and I'm sure you don't want to hear this. YOU ARE INCREDIBLY YOUNG! I thought for SURE I was in love when I was your age, and not even a few months later I found out that guy was a COMPLETE scoundrel, and NOT someone I wanted in my life. Good for you for deciding to remain abstinate until marriage. My mother always told me that your virginity is THE MOST precious thing you can ever give to someone, and you should save it for someone you loved. I understand that the fact that your paramour not only lives far away, but is also your cousin, makes things complicated. Personally, I think cousins should be able to date if they choose, but almost anyone will tell you that a long distance relationship will NEVER work...at least not for long. Honestly I think you should ask yourself if your really ready to stop being young, and dedicate yourself to someone so seriously. And if you still do, then you need to talk with him about how you feel, and figure out whats best for both of you. I know the feelings you have for him are intense...it probably feels a bit like your going to explode, or just freak out altogether. You should know that this is because these feelings are NEW...not because they are stronger. Ever notice how much more mouthwash burns when you first put it in your mouth...but a few seconds later, it isnt so bad? SAME THING...the first few times you really care for someone, it will seem to rock your life right off the hinges, but I can promise this will happen less and less as you get older.It's not because grown-ups don't fall in real love, we just realize that there is NO SUCH thing a perfect mate, or a perfect relationship....and we've learned to be smarter shoppers. Try this on for size...if you choose to only date this guy, you realize that this means you won't ever be able to be with ANYONE else, even if you like them more! Your virginity is something you can NEVER get back, so don't set yourself up for dissapointment! If you guys end up not working out, how will you explain to your future boyfriends why you AREN'T a virgin?Choices, young miss, choices. The worst mistake a girl can ever make is to think with her heart instead of her head. Sex should be for marriage ONLY...and for good reason! When you are older you will look back on this and realize how young you really are, how overblown your emotion feel, and how he doesn't seem so 'perfect'. That because theres no such thing. The church asks you to wait until you get married because UNTIL then, your young mind really cannot fully understand what it's like to be in real love, or a real relationship for that matter. Good Luck!
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A
female
reader, princessjasmine +, writes (16 August 2008):
In Islam, marrying your cousin is permissable...i see no problem with it...and my cousins are married and they hav 5 normal healthy kids...I personally think ur a little young, and u shud enjoy ur feelings for one another vs. the physical because u'll get sex after marriage...u shud really enjoy eachohters compnay right now i think...thats just my opinion--but i see no prob and to see if u hav a phys attraction maybe kissing is ok..but sex...im like u about the sex after marriage thing sooo i wudnt do it..but to see if u hav a phys connection def kiss or wat not...and im happy for u:)
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