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female
,
anonymous
writes: I am crazy about a coworker, though I had kept it all to myself so far. I am in a committed relationship and he has a "girl friend". Maybe someone could help me understand the situation better:1. He often stays late and chat with me alone, but talking almost all about work. Even so we enjoy the company with each other.2. He shares with me a lot of his personal information and opinions about our colleagues.3. He always asks me if I am ok, when I am in a tough situation.4. When I try to reach him after work, he almost always respond only the next day.5. When we talked about some colleagues once, he commented that he does not want to make friends at work, but to get things done.6. He told me about his ambition in this company.My questions are: what's his intention?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2006): I am in a similar position and it is hell. It is easy for people to expect you to switch off as if you are some sort of an robot. It is also easy for people to judge when there are so many issues that are variable over a period of time and his personal situation may change, although I respect people mean well.
It is unrealistic for you to suddenly not be a close colleague to this guy and I resent that some people seem to think it is conived in some way. These things just happen, and you suddening find you have intense feelings for someone you didn't plan to enjoy so much. I am trying to not make a play for the person this is happening with to me, I am just trying to enjoy what time I have with him and let time pass and it should (hopefully) unravel itself the way fate intends.
None of us want to smash up marriages, but in my case the guy is single and I am seperated, yet to get involved would spoil and contaminate the possibility of a good relationship and make it look as if 'he' is the reason I am leaving (which isn't true), so I swallow hard, smile, enjoy the time I have with him, and make my excuses to leave his presence.
I agree with the last person who said let him come to you, how do any of us know how happy your colleague is with his present girlfriend, and in his own good time decisions will be made if she is the one he wants to spend the rest of his life with, but she is just a girlfriend, not a wife. I guess that is why it is GOOD to be tested at this time, so we can discover if we are with the right person for a long term relationship. I have never been on drugs, but I can empathise with how hard it is for you to walk away when you feel intense symptoms of withdrawal when you leave his presence. I can hardly sleep at night, so I would be grateful if some wise agont aunt can tell me where the 'off' switch is?
A
female
reader, smeedle  +, writes (1 April 2006):
 His intentions are to remain faithful to his partner and to enjoy the closeness of a work collegue.
I can see why you think there maybe more but really there is not, he is a genuine nice guy and you should be glad that he shares stuff with you, value the friendship and stay focused on your own relationship, that is unless your relationship is in trouble and is not meeting your needs then the thing to do would be to finish your relationship and find a new one, leave your collegue as just that!!.
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A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (1 April 2006):
 My question is, why do you care and what are you doing putting yourself in this situation if you have a partner? You're fishing and looking for trouble. He might be too. All we know for certain though is you're aware of something. Considering you both have partners, the situation stinks. If he doesn't want to make friends at work, why is he talking to you about this stuff.
You're enjoying the attention and headed in the wrong direction. At the moment, the attention feels good. Be careful, it's the first part of the mistake, convincing yourself it's OK. If it was, you wouldn't be asking for advice.
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A
female
reader, xXxBabymamaXxX +, writes (1 April 2006):
 You already have an obstacle, his girlfriend, if he does end up kissing you, don't kiss back, you don't want to be known as a man snacther, and also if it continues he could do the same on you. He said hes just there to get his work done, could this have been a hint for you to back off maybe, the two of you seem to get on, and your relantionship goes outside work. Leave it for another while, let him come to you, if you can't do that, wait till you are 110% sure that hes into you and then ask to go out for a drink after work, good luck in it though but don't let in interfere with your work life! laura, 16
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