A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:HelloI dont know how to tell you my problem but here it comes, my new boyfriend of 6 weeks earns £30,000 more than me a year, as i earn alot less than him i cant afford to have beauty treatments or have my hair done when it needs to be done, my boyfriend has been invited by the the managerment of the company that he works for to a corporate open day where he is allowed to bring me as his guest, he tells me that his sister who owns a very posh beauty saloon who will give me a make over and that he would pay for everything, my boyfriend tells me to pay him when i can, is he joking as the problem is that i cant afford to pay him back as the treatments come to about £250, the other problem has been is that i have met his sister and she keeps on asking me about my previous boyfriends and is non stop talking about my boyfriends ex wife, is she just asking these questions or has my boyfriend asked her to ask me, should i tell him i cant afford to pay him back, as i dont want the situation in that if we break up he asks for the money.
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female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (1 June 2008):
 It is for his benefits and yet he has the gall to suggest that .
If he could suggest that, he should pay for the full cost without asking you to pay back.
Who knows , he may even suggest what kind of dress for you to wear to the occasions and it could cost another bomb.
He is asking too much from you.
I am sure , he knows something about your financial standings or perhaps not?
Stand your ground,don't go to that party unless he foots the bill.
If he is agreeable , then everything would be fine , otherwise you may have to say goodbye to him.
He is not really committed to you or he would have paid for it like a gentleman.
I would agree with Susan Strict's perspective.
A
female
reader, Susan Strict +, writes (31 May 2008):
 Be absolutely blunt. Tell him in words that he can't possibly misunderstand: It would be very nice, but you can't afford it and you can't afford to pay him back. Then leave it to him to make the decision whether he wants to pay for it or not.
Definitely don't expect him to pay or ask him to pay, just make it clear that you aren't going to pay - not now and not later.
Just because he earns a lot of money doesn't mean he has a lot of spare money. That's often the way it goes - some people's lifestyle just expands and eats up however much they earn, but it's something you need to consider seriously if and when your relationship becomes a real "partnership" because attitude to money is one of the most common causes of breakdowns in marriages and relationships.
As for his sister, I suggest you listen a lot and say very little. Some people simply have a form of verbal diarrhoea - they can't stop talking about anything and everything no matter how inappropriate it is. Just be careful what you say, because whether or not your boyfriend has asked her to find out anything, whatever you do say may well get reported back and quite possibly twisted (even if she doesn't mean to twist it - people who talk a lot tend not to listen very well and to hear what they want to hear or expect to hear rather than what you actually say) or taken out of context.
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, lexilou +, writes (31 May 2008):
 Just explain that whilst its lovely of him to offer this is way out of your price range and you can neither justify this type of expense nor repay it back comfortably. Do you actually need a makeover anyway, if he is with you he surely accepts you as you are. The alternatives if you want a pamper session is to go to make up counters in stores and ask if they do free make up - some do here in the uk, you can have it done just as the store opens if theres time. If not just make the best of yourself - he maybe just wants to make a good impression and after only 6 weeks has maybe not seen you pull out all the stops. getting dolled up for a night out and getting dolled up for a day do usually involve different clothes make up etc so just work with youve got and you will knock em dead x
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A
female
reader, hlskitten +, writes (31 May 2008):
 I know where you're coming from. I think ive actually reached the stage where i cant even afford a boyfriend! I dont like taking anything off anyone, always pay my way, but realistically now, i cant afford halves on meals, take aways, nights out, days out. So i am staying single for a while! hehe
Just be honest with him, people sometimes earn loads of money and innocently forget what its like to be skint, they dont mean any harm. Sometimes they just need telling whats what.
C xxxx
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A
female
reader, Aunt Letty +, writes (31 May 2008):
A guy you've been seeing for 6 weeks is already making you feel inadequate...this is not a good sign. He suggests after 6 weeks that you need a makeover before he'll show you off on his arm...and you don't tell him to go and swallow his sisters shampoo? Also not a good sign. My suggestion? Stand upto this guy, tell him you don't blow £250 on beauty treatments and he can take you as you are or not at all. His sister just sounds tactless and nosey, tell her everyone has a past and ask her about hers. You sound self-conscious about what you earn, so I also suggest you hit the job markets and boost your self-esteem. Just because this guy has more money than you doesn't mean he is automatically prince charming, in this case he sounds more like a frog that doesn't change. Don't waste your time and kisses on a guy who makes you feel rubbish.
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (31 May 2008):
 Whose idea was it that you needed this 250 pound overhaul? It seems rather expensive, I presume that on your own you would never do this?
I don't think he is joking about you paying him back, no unless he got a very warped and dangerous sense of humor.
If he was the one who suggested this then I would turn down A: the loan and B: the invite and C: the guy.
Lets face it, this beauty treatment is to show you off at HIS companies outing, why should you go in debt for that? If he thinks spending 250 pounds for an open day is normal let him pay for it.
Seriously ask yourself what it means that he is asking you to pay back such a large sum of money for something that is for his benefit.
You might also wonder about your own spending habbits, if you can't afford to have your hair cut exactly how much are you earning? Because him earning 30.000 pounds more then you could mean you are on 0 pound income. Plenty of women on low income manage to get their hair done, why do you need it done for 250?
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