A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Im so confused with this guy! Im so sick of men giving the run around.We had a great night together last week.We had sex for the first time after going on dates for a couple months,it was very nice and romantic.I mean super sweet,not like a slam bam thank you mam type of thing at all.Today,we were talking about valentines day online,and I say how I hate being single and how valentines day just reminds me of how much it sucks.And he says being single is better anyways,just whip out your dildo and have a blast.What the hell is that supposed to mean? This is coming from a guy who claims to be a romantic...saying what he said was far from romantic,in fact it was down right mean if you ask me. Apparently he doesnt want a relationship with me,or that would have been a great opportunity to say so! What am I supposed to think of this?Why would he say that? He totally acted like he was interested from the first date on.Now I feel like a complete idiot.I even asked if he wanted to do something Saturday(before he made that comment),and we were going to,but now I dont think I want to anyways.I feel as if ive wasted precious time in trying to get to know someone who has no interest in being with anyone.
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female
reader, peach459  +, writes (11 February 2009):
I think there are two possibilities here.... Firstly, as Finn said, for whatever reason sex may have been the turning point...But I'm inclined to think that instead it was a misunderstanding. It is so easy to misinterpret things said over instant messenger. It's entirely possible that he was under the impression that you were dating (not really an unreasonable assumption given the length of time you have been seeing each other). When you started talking about being single he made a joke, a very tasteless joke, but a joke none the less, that went terribly wrong. Although to you, this seemed like a perfect opportunity for him to declare himself, thus magnifying your hurt when he did not, over instant messenger there was no way for him to gage that this is what you were getting at. Obviously, what he said was downright tasteless, and I am not trying to excuse him for the remark, but I don't think that you should take it so literally. Ask yourself, did you get the impression that he "has no interest in being with anyone" from any of his actions besides this comment?It seems to me that he did want to continue your relationship - he kept in contact with you after sleeping with you, the two of you even made plans for valentines day. I think that you should keep the date and either forget it entirely or ask him (in person) what he meant by that remark. Try not to accuse him, just mention it casually. And then if that goes well, maybe you can ask him if this means your not single on valentines day. :)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2009): It seems like you two having sex was a turning point in the relationship as everything seemed to be fine until then. It does seem to be a lot to go through just to get sex so maybe it wasn't as great for him as it was for you? Maybe the reason lies with you: Bad technique/ Bad body odour/ Or maybe he just wanted sexual conquest and wants to move on to the next? Whichever, I would just move on myself and just be more observant regarding motive etc. next time.Good luck.
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