A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've been in my current job now for the last 6 months and moved departments 3 months ago. That was where I met this guy who isnt quite in my department but is close by...close enough that I see him daily.Well if im being honest Im rather popular with the males at work, ive been asked out a few times, i know of some which like me and theres the ones who always stare and me and smile then eventually say hi. This surprised me as im not a skinny girl, im a larger girl (UK size 22) and I have red hair =)Anyways back to story...I get along with this one guy great and Ive met him out ALOT at weekends and now every week i end up making out with him. We chat in work face to face but also over this thing which is like skype/msn and we also text and flirt like crazy...my problem is I know for a fact Im gonna sleep with this guy, I want to, he wants to, we both hint at it alot and its most likely one of those things where we'll be friends with benefits for a while and then perhaps go into a relationship which im more than fine with.However Ive only slept with 2 guys before....one of which was a guy who had slept with many girls and dominated me (he was my first...yes regrets but cant change the past now) and the other knew me extremely well as we had been in a LDR for 3 years before we even had sex. Narrowed down even further...im not the most confident person when it comes to sex so how to I fake that I am or actually become more confident?? Im not a fan of my body whatsoever and I am on a diet if we're being honest but im not going to get thin over night...and im not the most experienced girl out there so how do I go about this? How do I act or appear more confident? I seem soo forward, bold and confident talking to him face to face, when drunk and over text/mail but when it comes down to it im not.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Waves  +, writes (6 January 2012):
 This is a tough bit of advice that I need to give you. And it is to never get super personal with a guy you work with. Because GUYS do talk to each other and compare notes.
If you come across as too eager and too friendly and forward then a guy will think you are going to be very easy to get into bed. After he's accomplished that goal and enjoyed you for a while, AND given his colleagues a blow by blow description right down to the smallest detail then he will start ignoring you.
It does your career no good to be known as the new "good time girl"
It will not, in the long term, help you build a good image at work.
FWB are not the way to start a long term reliable faithful enduring relationship. You really are worth more than that.
One way to help improve your confidence is to join a public speaking group and improve your presentation skills.
Another way is to join a volunteer project and work in a voluntary capacity once a month helping people or helping the community. Meeting new people is good for your confidence and a volunteer project allows you to closely interact with the people and gain confidence in you are the same time.
Try to stay away from getting drunk. It really does not improve your confidence, you only think it does at the time. And you have more chance of making a fool of yourself when drunk and then having others whisper and snigger behind your back at how you behaved the night before. You do not need that
To gain more confidence in you then you need to take stock of who you are and all you have to offer. Write down your top five best points. Then add in five more things about you that are OK but you would like to improve.
Put the above lists up at home where you can see your best points and the five goals you are going to work on this year.
The goals you choose do not have to be major.
It could be that you are going to hire a treadmill for three months and ensure you have a fruit salad for lunch each week or some yoghurt and a piece of fruit. Or some boiled eggs in a salad without dressing - believe me boiled eggs in a salad make it lovely. Nothing too expensive and nothing too earth shattering.
Also look at your hair and see if a new style might make you feel better
And examine your wardrobe and decide if you are in need of a clean out of what is there. Dressing for work should be professional. You do not earn respect if you show too much at work. Guys can See who you are even if you dress in a lady like way. There is no need to show all you have at the first meeting.
Also before you do go out next time, listen to a relaxation tape and prepare your mind for the fact that you are a lovely person and you do deserve a pleasant evening. But let the guys enjoy (short term) the girls who "put out too easily"
When guys really want a longer term relationship they look around for the quieter girls who do NOT put out so easily. All the other girls are just for short term "hook-ups". You know you deserve better than to be another one of their short term "hook-ups"
Put some value on you (in your mind) and act accordingly and the guys are more likely to treat you with more respect.
Guys take their cue from how you behave. It is OK to politely say NO to a guy. It is OK to talk to guys but you don't have to snog them as a result unless you want to.
And even if you have already snogged a guy it is OK to say, "Thank you, I enjoyed it, but no more, and now let's just be friends?"
You might say that saying that is impossible. But continue getting drunk and flirting and snogging with a view to FWB and that is all you will still be doing in another 20 years.
Value you and the guys will follow and value a girl who does value herself.
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