A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:It was a wonderful fairytale relationship. She was perfect and we were perfect together. Before our fifth anniversary, she met another guy, and one week later, she dumped me.I know it sounds a lot like many other stories around here, and I've read some, but I can't find the kind of advice I'm looking for.I've got a job, deadlines, hobbies, and all I can do all day is stare at my computer screen (reading her messages) and lie in bed when it becomes too painful. My health dropped so much that I got the flu, even though it's summer here (I live in South America). My chest constantly hurts (feels as if my heart was literally broken), and most importantly, I can't get any work done, or enjoy my hobbies.- - -So, could you please give me some concrete, short-term advice to ease my pain and be able to work?- - -Preferably something more practical than just "time heals all wounds", please. Maybe something like relaxation or some other natural therapy. I'm open to learning something like yoga, and I'd like to hear some opinions about it on this matter as well, especially if you've been in the same situation or you know someone who has. Otherwise, just about any words of advice would be greatly appreciated.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question@ CindyCares: I'll try my best to keep her out of my life, but I don't want to have hateful thoughts about her. Being creative and exhausting myself to sleep seem like great idaes, though.
@ TasteOfIndia: "What superhero would I like as my roommate?" That actually made me think a lot, and even smile. Great advice.
@ Serpico: Thanks for the honesty. What's so special about South America for singles? I live in a rather normal city with skyscrapers and subways and no carnivals.
@ pixiegirls, Abella, DrPsych, anons: Thank you all for your helpful advice and good wishes.
A
male
reader, Serpico  +, writes (1 December 2010):
Im going to be a little brutally honest because you need it.1 - If she dumped you that fast, then it was no where near the storybook love you thought. What you though to be true and what WAS true were two different things. Your pain now is over a lie - over what you thought was the case but really wasnt. Should you really be hurting over something that was false?2 - If I were a single man, I can think of no place better to be single than South America. Good gosh if I lived there I dont think a day would go by when I wasnt single.In the end, the relationship is not what you thought it was and you should be thankful you're out before more (and much more permananet) damage was done. Second, you live in the land of beautiful women. Dont waste that opportunity thinking about someone who obviously doesnt care about you.
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A
female
reader, DrPsych  +, writes (1 December 2010):
 1. Go on holiday and relax on the beach.
2. Start a new hobby that may bring new people into your life.
3. Delete her messages rather than ruminating over what is in the past. Delete her phone number and put photos away.
4. Get busy outside your home - volunteering is a good idea as it makes you feel good about yourself.
5. Remember that if she dumped you for another guy, the relationship just wasn't going to last long-term. Far better she freed you up to find Ms Perfect.
6. Take vitamin supplements and eat properly - it will build your immune system. A good massage or even acupuncture may help ease your stress.
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A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (1 December 2010):
 I love yoga!
For me, it is a combination of angry rants on paper and distracting myself as much as possible. Let all the anger and sadness out of your head and then onto some paper... then get out and just distract yourself. If she pops into your head, FORCE yourself to think about other things (what would you put on your dream sandwich? Which Superhero would you most like as your roommate?), and get your mind off of her. Time DOES heal all wounds - like all your other advice says. So in the meantime, just bide your time with endless activity. Don't sit around thinking about her!
And yoga might be a really good choice. I find that it gives me clarity and strength. Good luck!
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (1 December 2010):
 Take a half day off from work and devote it to feel your pain. Don't try to distract yourself. In fact, cry your eyes out, force yourself to remember the good times until you feel sick. . Break objects, call her names in your mind. Hit a pillow pretending is "him ". Take a copybook and force yourself to write all you feel , sadness, hurt, anger, loneliness, as it comes. No punctuation, no trying to make sense- just write and write and write for at least an hour, better two. All in all, be creative and do anything you can to really live your "misery day ".
Done that, though- over. You are in moving on phase and observe scrupolously a few rules :
no contact. You can't do the "let's be friends " yet. No calls, no texts, nothing.
dispose of everything that reminds you of her. It takes courage, if you can't throw away all pics, gifts, memntos etc, close them in a box and put them in your attic.
Also cancel old emails and texts.
don't talk about her to anybody. If your friends ask you how you are coping, answer quickly and politely, but do not initiate any conversation about your love troubles.
do something physically tiring or exhausting. Hit the gym, or run, or build something in your backyard. You should
arrive at bedtime totally spent so you'll pass the night snoring rather than reminiscing.
pray. If you don't believe in any God, pray the Universe, or the source of life, or your Inner Self.... and if you don't believe in this kind of stuff, pretend you do and pray anyway. The point is that you need to convince yourself that you are not all alone to deal with this pain on your own, that there is something or someone somewhere that feels for you and want you to be happy again.
Which, if you think about it, is closer to the truth than you can imagine. No man is an island. At Dear Cupid, we don't know you, we'll never meet you , and yet we want you to heal and we wish you well.
If you feel despondent since more than 6 weeks, see your doctor. Don't be ashamed- you don't want to slip into depression. Your health is your most precious belonging and you can't jeopardize it for no creature in the world.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2010): I know 'times heals' is the sage old saying. But basically its true. In the mean time take up an exercise plan like jogging or cycling - so the can get out and about and work of some energy as it does clear your head for a bit. Thoughts do creep back though. But in time the spaces when you don't think about it get longer until you realise one day you haven't thought about it at all for ages! Progress.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2010): Hey dude,
I like many others have shared your pain at some point in their life. That's what makes us human. I know exactly what you're going through, but I'm afraid like everybody else you have to take the pain. Your love feels like poison in your veins. It's a horrible feeling when you are in love with someone and they don't love you back. But try and take positives from it. Tell yourself you're feeling like this because you are in love with her and that this is a natural feeling. I'd even suggest try talking to someone. (Counsellor) Don't knock it until you've tried it. I lost my Dad quite recently and it has definitely worked for me. It's good to talk. Get yourself out with friends, family instead of doing activities on your own. I know it's no comfort dude but you just got to stay strong. Tell yourself you are better than this. Love will come to you again. Remember you can hold your head up high. You're the good one here.
Sorry dude. But that's just the way life is. Make you appreciate the good times even more.
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (1 December 2010):
 it is so hard to climb out of the abyss when you are in deep grief for your loss. Good luck in your quest to get over this. But you are reaching out to try to move on, so here goes:
1.Distract yourself with the planning and setting up and implementation of a project that is dear to your heart, and you've always meant to do. It can be personal, intellectual, emotional odyssey or business
2.Yes yoga, deep breathing and meditation exercises will relax you and your frayed nerves need something like that.
3. Going for a very early morning run will do wonders to lift your morale
4.a deep warm bath, just before bed, may help
5. Read some Kubler Ross writings on
grief. She wrote the best text books on
the subject. And how to cope with it.
6. Volunteer to work occasionally in a charity that works with underpriveleded people.
7. Visit a country unlike your own or a long way from your home. Go to a remote relaxing place, not a busy, potentially uncaring big city place. Search the internet for places you may love.
8.Learn some new skills. Like learn to play a new musical instrument. Or join a cooking class and have fun there, (lots new women there). Learn how to carve wood or french polish furniture or something else that appeals to you.
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A
female
reader, pixiegirls +, writes (1 December 2010):
 Unfortunately there is no magic cure for a broken heart. It takes as much time as it needs to heal. However, there are things you can do to help move things along and where you can feel better about yourself.
As hard as it might be, do not try to contact her, do not stare at her pictures, but put them away in a place that you do not have easy access to them. The more you dwell on them, the worse you will feel.
Tips that other people have often said gave them relief were:
1. Start or restart a hobby that you used to enjoy.
2. Get out with your friends or just get out of the house as much as you can. The more you stay by
Yourself, the more you begin to think about the relationship again….and sometimes force yourself to.
3. Do not keep trying to look her up on the internet to see what she is up to, or try to contact her. By not having any contact, you actually can heal faster without always wondering about your chances of getting back together are.
4. Meet new friends if you think you are able to do that now. They will help distract the situation and help you begin to feel a little better about yourself.
5. Delete her messages. If you don’t have them there to keep staring at, you won’t be able to keep
Obsessing about them.
6. Journal your feelings if you feel the need to just get some things out.
7. It is normal to feel bad and cry. Crying actually can make you feel better. Some people purposely will watch romance movies or love movies just to be able to get out a really good cry. It’s cathartic.
8. Know that you will begin to feel better. The day you wake up and she is not the first thing on your mind, is the day you know you really are healing, and that you will be okay.
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