A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I don't know what to do. Im completely in love with my 27 year old teacher (im 16, so 11 years difference) Yes we have our days when we don't really get along but I guess every relationship has these. He means the world to me and I know I mean the world to him as well. He's totally single btw! I love the subject that he teacher and would love to be the female version of him. My lunchtimes and after schools are spent with him and he sometimes gets a small amount of food in for us if he's had a free, or he just takes some of my food I really dont mind we just love spending time with each other.We have been like this for 10 months now and it's amazing. None of my friends know any of this and he keeps it to himself as well. The 6 weeks holidays were amazingly bad and we both really missed each other. Now the week apart from him soon will go quickly and will just make us stronger.My mates have been slagging him off because he gave one of my mates a G for her coursework (I've seen the work and it really is bad) he's also accucing her of cheating. I really can't sit there and listen to my best mates being out of order and slagging off the person that I love and trust. Please what can I do? He also gives me little puppy eyes when I look at him from far away this really really melts me inside. Before everyone comments say he's a pedo he's really not he's lovely and wouldn't do anything to hurt or upset me. But please someone just give me some advice on how to deal with this. It kills me to know that however much I love him I can't be with him untill i've left the school and 6th form (2 ish years, thats if I get into 6th form) please someone just give me some advice :) thanks Reply to this Question
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female
reader, this_years_love  +, writes (10 November 2010):
 You remind me SO much of me in high school.What concerns me the most here is how you use the word 'we'. It's obvious that you have your feelings for him, but you wrap this man up in them and make them his too in your description of this experience you're having. This leads me to believe you are going through this experience under the impression that he does indeed have these feelings too."He means the world to me and I know I mean the world to him as well.""The 6 weeks holidays were amazingly bad and we both really missed each other""We have been like this for 10 months now and it's amazing.""We just love spending time with eachother"The way you tell this story (i don't mean story in a ficticious way, just the way you tell your story) is VERY circumstancial. It is all based around him having precisely the same feelings for you as you have for him. Has he explicitly told you word for word that he has these feelings for you, kissed you, said things such as 'i really missed you these holidays i thought about you a lot'. Because if not, what are these assumptions of yours based on? Are they based on you wanting SO much to believe that he feels the same? Because this is SUCH a dangerous trap to get into. I know from experience (trust me, I went through this more than once and got in WAY over my head) that half the reason I thought I 'loved' these men was because I talked myself into believing that they loved me, and half the reason I convinced myself they loved me in the first place was because I wanted SO badly to be in love with them.Honestly I feel like I was 16 last week, and yet I am a completely different person now than I was then. I am only four years older than you and I don't even really have friends who are sixteen because even from 16 to 20 there is a HUGE difference in who you are, what you want out of life, and what you believe in! That happens again from 20 to 24, and then again from 24 to 28. After that the change drops off a bit, but it's always happenning. I guess what I want you to see is that even though you at 16 are capable of loving this man and having romantic feelings for him, it doesn't mean he's equally as capable of doing the same thing in return at 27. His life experience will have shown him how different HE is at 27 from when he was 16, how different his friends are from when they were 16, and therefor how different YOU are from HIM. Even somebody who is mature for their age at 16 just isn't 27, period! Part of maturity is admitting that you don't know it all! At 16, you most certainly don't (hell, nobody ever really does), and even what you do think you know is based around what knowledge you've picked up in 16 years, which doesn't compare to what you can pick up in 27 years.The people I thought were my best friends and etc when i was 16 changed RAPIDLY because I was still learning how to read people and how to be myself! Think about this, 11 years ago you were five years old. Are you the same person you were at five? do you have friends now who are five who you consider to be on the same level as you? Could you fathom a five year old being a dependable friend or somebody who understands you and what your needs are? of course not! and I assure you, any 27 year old will feel MUCH the same about a 16 year old. You're just different people at different stages in life.While i'm on the topic of you being different people, let me point out that he will not be the same person should you get to know him intimately as you think he is now. When he's at school-no matter how close you are-he is being professional, he is at work, 'putting his game face on' if you will. I had a young teacher in grade 12 when i was 18 who I considered to be quite a good friend. We had lunches together, we talked about our lives outside of school, we were friends...and yes, i had a crush on him. On my grad night everyone from school and all the teachers went out to the bars after which he walked me home (he lived in the same direction out of town as I did) and tried to come in once we got there. He was really drunk, and said a lot of things thad made me lose A LOT of respect for him and see him differently. He was not the same person out of school hours as he was during school hours, and your teacher won't be either.I was completely shattered because I had put him up on a pedistole and really believed he was just amazing and as close to perfect as it got, but that's because I only knew him as a professional and not a person. I miss the professional him. I have been back to visit my old school and he is the only teacher who is rude to me and who I now avoid at all costs instead of going back excited to see him. I should be going back excited to see somebody who meant so much to me as a friend. I should be able to tell him how well I was doing at university, to tell him how much he helped me get there, and I can't. Our relationship went way past the point it should've and it's been ruined forever because of that.If you persue this actively and make your feelings for this man as obvious and you make them to us, you will get yourself into trouble. he will distance himself from you, and you will lose him. He is best admired from a distance. If you can handle it maturely then continue this friendship you have with him by all means, but don't if you are only doing it in hopes of it becoming romantic, because the odds are it won't and if it does you will be let down and you will get hurt yourself let alone what it has the potential to do to his career.In summation, the feelings you have for him are absolutely NOT necessarily the feelings he has for you. (Has a guy ever had a crush on you that you have not reciprocated?). He is best kept as a teacher first and a friend second. If you understand that he is a teacher first and friend second, your problems will be kept to a minimum.I really hope you handle this well and that you don't get let down the way I did or look back on this and feel mortified by how you've acted (as I do now).
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2010): Hun I know exactly how you are feeling,please feel free to mail me anytime..the teacher that I really admire and love is 29 and I'm 16 and all my friends say the he fancies me and even some of my teachers have said that he never stops talking about me! We have this connection,he does stuff to me that he never does to anyone else. He has these nicknames for me that he uses but he never gives anyone else nicknames,he always comes over to talk,I had him for 3 years but this year I don't have him as I didn't pick the subject he was teaching again as I was terrible at it but he still wanted me to pick it, even asking my dad to persuade me to stick with it! I absolutely adore him and he knows it! Sometimes I feel like all I do is give him an ego boost because somedays he's all over me then other days he will just look at me and kind of distance himself from me. But anyway Hun mail me if you feel like it okay? x
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A
female
reader, xanthic  +, writes (20 October 2010):
 I wouldn't necessarily call this love, it sounds a lot more like infatuation to me. You aspire to be the 'female version of him', speak of him as though you two are in a relationship (yet you're not), and even claim you mean just as much to him as he does to you. These are all clear signs of infatuation and a bit of wishful thinking. We've all been there at some point, it's very common and as long as it doesn't go too far, completely normal.
At 16 it's hard to tell the difference sometimes, but you're definitely reading too much into his actions and what he does. He may favour you in class, but if he has any sense (which I would hope that as a teacher, he does) it doesn't go beyond that.
My advice would be to forget about your teacher and focus on something or someone else. Crushes come and go, you may not even like him in the same way two years from now.
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A
female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (20 October 2010):
 First of all, by having any type of "relationship" with you he is breaking the law.
he is your teacher, not your friend, or lover, or boyfriend. Whilst you are under his care, he is essentially YOUR PARENT. Got it.
If you want to be a teacher, you need to know the facts. At some point in your career you will have one of your students get a crush on you. It happens to everyone. Its how you deal with it that is important. Firstly, you pull back, then you inform your superior of the issue, this covers your back if any allegations are thrown at you.
When you sign up to be a teacher, you agree to something called duty of care. This is very important.
http://www.teachernet.gov.uk/wholeschool/familyandcommunity/childprotection/usefulinformation/abuseoftrust/
http://www.bbc.co.uk/radio1/advice/factfile_az/teacher_fancying_your_teacher
It is ILLEGAL for any teacher to have a relationship with a pupil under the age of 18. This will result in at best, him being sacked and never being allowed to teach again, at worse, jail time and being put on the sex offenders register.
Even at Universities and Colleges it is frowned upon to have teacher/pupil relationships. It just isnt right.
What you have to realise is that NO sane 27 year old (male or female) would want to be in a relationship with a 16 year old. Physically, emotionally and intellectually you are in very different places in life.
You are a child, he is an adult. He worries about bills, the mortgage, you worry about school, friends, hanging out and the latest pop bands.
He has been done and got the tshirt for teenage angst, he has been to uni, done the drinking, done the socialising. He wont want to do it again. So when he is 30 and you are only 19... at uni, living it up in halls, getting plastered, he will not want to be there with you.
He doesnt want to date a little girl, he wants a woman his own age who he can think about settling down with. I know you love him, but it is a crush and you will get over it. Everyone has been there. We all have a teacher we fancy and its totally normal, but it isnt real. It will never work.
Focus on your work, study, learn, then maybe one day you will be a teacher and will be able to see this situation with a different view.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2010): The only way to deal with it is to face up to it, and hold it all inside.
Try to limit your contact and focus on your course work (which is what you SHOULD be doing anyway).
What feelings you have or he has or does not have are irrelevant.
And whilst you are above the age of consent for the U.K. he is still a teacher, your teacher, and as such any form of fraternisation is going to get him fired if found out, and it will be found out.
Best back off and find some other older guy if you have to that ISN'T your teacher.
Flynn 24
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