A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:HiI am totally confused with my exes behaviour! We broke up at Christmas after an argument. He barely spoke to me over Christmas then told me the day after boxing day that he wanted to break up and he'd arranged somewhere else to live! All without even as much as a face to face conversation! We'd had some problems, Im 31 and he's 25 and even though hes very mature in lots of ways, i felt like his mum at times having to nag him to do basic things! Aside from those things though, we were very close, he was my best friend. :/ We have very different personalities though, Im can be very domineering and fiery and hes very quiet and laid back, at times this really worked and obviously at times, it didnt! He could be a pushover and there were definitely times when i was horrible to him, but i always apologised. So he left at Christmas, took all of his stuff from our home and he lives round the corner now. Since then, we agreed to try and work on things living apart but he's changed in to somebody i dont even know anymore.He hasnt really organised anything and he said he was happy to see me only once or twice a week as he wants 'space'. He also said he feels like he was a walkover in the relationship and how he wont be like that anymore, that basically means he's now being stubborn and wont make any effort whatsoever. So we've gone round in circles for 6 weeks, agreeing to make an effort, a week goes by and he still hasnt arranged anything, i lose my temper, shout at him and he agrees again to make an effort, then doesnt! Sooo frustrating as you can imagine. I think whats going on with him is he feels like he did so much in the relationship, which he did, so now he doesnt feel like he should make any effort, but why agree to!? Ive tried my best with him, organised dates, text/emailed/called etc but im not getting anything back, so last week i finally said enough was enough and stopped it. Since then he's text me some generic things about bills, and i wasnt very well so he kept texting me about that asking how i was, telling me to take vitamins etc, which i ignored. Im not doing generic texting no way! I thought with yesterday being valentines he might finally do something to make an effort, but no. :/Its like he's holding on to past hurts in the relationship, which is wrong. You cant decide all of a sudden that you're upset about stuff that happened 6 months ago and to be honest, the way he's treated me over Christmas and since hasnt exactly been very nice, but ive put it to one side because i wanted to try and make things work. Maybe at this point, just ignoring generic attempts to communicate is the only way?Sorry for the long post! :/Thanks
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (15 February 2013):
 he's an ex for a reason
he's not making an effort for a reason
he moved out for a reason
the reason.. he's done with the relationship and no amount of nagging or wanting on your part is going to change what he wants.
if he said once or twice a week he would see you, I'm betting the assumption is you would have sex and that's about it.... he's transitioning to being without you.
A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (15 February 2013):
 Hi
This relationship ended when he moved out. Actions speak louder than words.
Stop the communication and accept it's over.You will only hurt yourself more if you keep hoping
Good Luck
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A
female
reader, sarcy24 +, writes (15 February 2013):
 You need to go no contact with him so he starts to miss you. At the moment you are doing all the running, chasing and organising and he isn't playing. Leave him alone and stop texting. If you follow the no contact rule it is likely he will miss you and then do some of the running. I think from the sound of your post that he wants a break and some space and you do appear to be going on at him all the time, trying to arrange things etc. Let it be for a while. Often with a bit of distance, time and space the person will come back to you but at the moment you are being way to forceful with him and he is feeling cornered.
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A
female
reader, Seabreezes +, writes (15 February 2013):
You need to let him go. Men are simple, and sometimes women try to complicate something that is otherwise, blatantly obvious to the bystander. If he truly wanted to be with you, he would be with you. If he's not with you, he doesn't want to be with you. He may try to string you along for "back-burner" security, but other than that, I'm not seeing his desires for you.
Go find someone, who truly care about you and stop wasting your time here.
Good luck.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (15 February 2013):
 He's you "ex-"..... let him remain in that status and give not a whit of mental energy to him.... and get on with YOUR life....
Good luck....
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2013): If you guys need to talk try to make it face to face next time. Maybe text him back saying, if you want to talk lets meet up at so and so..because the whole texting thing i agree is detached and you cant really fix anything through texting..keep us posted on how it goes!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2013): Sounds like he has had enough and sees the relationship as over. I would just stop communicating and start to move forward alone. If he had romantic feelings he would have shown them on the 14th and he did't.He has moved out and is moving on.
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