A
female
age
30-35,
*ops_error
writes:I know it's quite common that people leave each other because of other people usually from the past but I just need to let it out, talk about it. It seems to be the only thing that helps a little - talking. To my walls, to myself, to my computer, to the mirror...Before we started dating we've been meeting on several occasions, each time she seemed totally enchanted by me. She was always flirting, smiling in a certain way and LOOKING. There was this look she always gave me. But I didn't care, I wasn't interested, she was still quite childish where as I've always been too mature for my age (what I personally think is a curse) and I never thought there could be something. But every time I saw her she really boosted my ego which was shattered from my previous relationships and that felt good, really good. The time passed (we had mutual friends), we were hanging out more and more, she seemed to see some kind of perfection in me.And then she kissed me one night which caught a bit off guard because I enjoyed it.I felt something.It didn't take much longer for us to actually fall into each other arms for real. And afterwards we've had the greatest time. I was actually happy and I don't know if I've ever been happy longer than 1 day at a time. I've been happy for months with her and so was she. She told me she loved me, she said she could see us being together in the future, even having kids one day and all sorts of that stuff. She changed while being with me, all of our friends told us so and even she noticed that I have a good influence on her. She got more responsible and mature. Everybody who saw us always told us they envy us the way we look at each other. Each and every one of my friends told me she's it because it shows how much she loves me. We were always together, sleeping together, eating together, sharing everything. So I really started thinking - could this really finally be something that lasts?We talked a little about our exes, mine have never been in the picture but for her it wasn't the same. Her first girlfriend, who was there to let my love discover that she's a lesbian was still her friend. They used to have some sort of a click - 4 girls, my girl and her ex-girl. 6 of them were always together hanging out, calling themselves best friends. And that's why my girl always said she can't just cut her ex out from her life because of the other girls and the fact that they were friends first and that's how it is now.I've never quite thought that was ok, I was always suspicious but mostly I let it go.Then one day the series of insignificant fights started. I thought it was because of our personality differences but no. 2 weeks after bickering all the time she told me she feels like she really cares for me but not as much as I do for her and that she feels she started a relationship with me with unresolved issues with her ex.I was crushed, I didn't know what to do because she was the one that pursued me, she even told me on many occasions that she fears I'm going to leave her. So I wanted for her to be sure I won't and I let myself completely open up for her. I never expected she would do something like that to me.That day I was a crazy person I was screaming and couldn't wrap my mind around it. She told me she doesn't want to break up because she still has deep feelings for me but she feels like she's being unfair.She told me to give her time, I was hopeless but I said alright.We slept together that night, cuddled and for a while pretended it didn't happen. It was good, it calmed me down a little and I see it now as some sort of a closure.Then we didn't talk for 2 days and she came over to tell me she has to go back and try to work things out with the other girl because she can't do this to me, wonder "what if".It was over.She cried, she wanted to hold me, we kissed goodbye before she left but I told her I don't think we'll see each other again in the near future.It was actually a perfect break up, no screaming, admitting to the fact we'll miss each other, telling ourselves things like "don't forget to water the plants".In reality, it broke my heart when the door closed after her.It was 2 days ago.Since monday this week I've barely eaten anything and I keep waking up in the night turning around expecting to see her. She told me she has to get rid of the idea she could ever be with this girl again, she has to give it a last chance and finally put it to rest.I kind of understand that. But still - I feel like the air is toxic.Maybe I should tell myself she's going to realise how stupid she was and come back? Maybe that way it would be easier to get through the day?I miss her like never before.
View related questions:
best friend, crush, flirt, her ex, lesbian Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, oops_error +, writes (16 February 2013):
oops_error is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI think I'll let her be for the moment and maybe try something in a few weeks if she doesn't first? I can't follow her around now... she has to get some perspective. this is hard but I really honestly care for her deeply.
Anyway, thank you for your responds, they lifted me up a bit :) I hope life is good to you.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2013): If she loves you she wont forget about you. I never forget my past loves. love is strange, what do you feel like doing? Do you want to chase her? do you want to give her space? Maybe you could show her how much of a better lover you are, by making her feel like you will never let her go.Show her that it doesn't matter that this girl is in the picture you are not going to let her get away..or you could give her the space and see if she will come back to you..Whatever you choose, if its meant to be, it will happen.
...............................
A
female
reader, oops_error +, writes (16 February 2013):
oops_error is verified as being by the original poster of the questionCorrection - I still love her.I don't know whether the right approach is to give her time or to remind her constantly about my existence. I don't know. She called me yesterday because she was worried that something had happened to me after I phoned her by mistake and hung up before she answered (she was on my speed dial and that's what happens when your phone sometimes freezes). She sounded roughly heavy-hearted and didn't want to end the "conversation" (it was mostly incredibly sad silence).It felt like she was waiting for a trigger. Seriously, she phoned me back in, like, seconds. Like she was sitting there, waiting for a signal from me that she is allowed to talk to me.I know for a fact she misses me very much. But still, I don't know, on one hand I'm afraid that if I try to keep in touch, nothing will change because she still hasn't cleared her mind and issues with the other girl. On the other hand - what if I give her space and she moves on and forgets about me?Because, say what you say, but even when you love someone and imagine a future together it passes after a while if you're not with that person. That's what everybody tells me now, that I will move on with my life. So why the crap about "absence making the heart grow fonder"?
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2013): I understand that. You dont want to get over it because you still like her..you're not ready for it to be over. I get that. I would take care of yourself make yourself better, so that way she will see how good you are doing and maybe that will remind her of what shes missing ya know? Or since I am a hopeless romantic at heart.. You could try to pursue her..and when her heart back. Have you ever seen the movie great expectations? Its a little romantic with some heart ache..but the guy basically never stops trying for the girl and eventually he ends up with her..I dont know, life's to short ya know..you never know whats going to happen..follow your heart, do what feels right to you.
...............................
A
female
reader, oops_error +, writes (15 February 2013):
oops_error is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your answer. It made me feel a little better, because all of those "you'll get over it" coming from everybody around me doesn't help. Of course I know I will eventually but the thing is - I've been through a thing like that before and I don't want to get over it this time. Because this time it was healthy and happy, not twisted like before.
And that's why it hurts so much. Because I know how it goes. Except - this time, I would really like it to be the exception.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2013): Wow, your so sweet. I can tell your very gentle and sensitive. You guys really did love each other I know she has love for you..let her go for a bit and if she loves you she will come back..
love is a force of its own..its wonderful, amazing,it awakens feelings inside of you that you never even knew existed..and can change you into a new person..but it can also be the total opposite..It can break you into a million pieces make you feel used, abused, hurt, sad..but i guess people come into our lives at certain times to teach us something about life..or maybe to teach us something about ourselves..
I say feel the pain, and once you feel it and let it burn you..you can rise from it a different knew person..and who knows, when she comes back..which im sure she will..you might not want to be with her anymore..
...............................
|
