A
female
age
30-35,
*ysterygirlblue
writes:Okay, so basically I only have one last person (also the hardest person to come out to) that I am a lesbian and my best friend is also my girlfriend. I was wondering how I should tell my mom about us. Also we both still live with my mother and we both rely on her financially. To make things harder is she is also a fundamental baptist christian. I really want to tell her badly because living a lie every day sucks and we have been together for over 8 years and want to get married soon. I want her to be at the wedding. I think my mom will probably take it badly though. I'm not sure if I should tell her before or after I finish school or before or after I move out? I'm not sure when, where or how to tell her? Should my girlfriend be present? Should I do it at home or out in public? Should I say it out loud or give her a card or something? How should I say it? Should I just give it to her straight or kind of just give her subtle hints? Should I leave after I tell her to give her time to think or should I stay to find out her reaction? Should I have a family member present who already knows like my cousin or brother or is one-on-one better? Honestly these questions have been really bothering me. I have no idea of what to do I am very scared to tell her.
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best friend, christian, cousin, lesbian, wedding Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (10 November 2014):
 I agree 100% with YouWish.
WAIT til you are BOTH out on your own. There is NO hurry to coming out.
A
female
reader, TJ14  +, writes (10 November 2014):
hi pls do it in person. if ur really that scared have ur brother with you. dont worry. and before u tell try to umm financially be pretty stable or move out. dont rush into anything. be calm. and explain to her whats in your heart. i assure u it will be okay no matter what she says. and if she disagrees to u,try to be in her shoes and understand her emotions dont retaliate or back answer her. just hear her out and ask her to hear u out. good luck.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2014): Even if she is a baptist Christian if she's tolerant of gays and not homophobic ( I do know people like this) then tell her, however if not then wait until you've moved out.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2014): Wait until you have both become self sufficient. If you tell her now you risk being broke and homeless.
Wait until you've finished school and are working.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (10 November 2014):
 In this case, DO NOT put the cart before the horse.
Your primary goal is to make yourself self-sufficient and financially independent. Due to her religion, her first response may in fact be to put you out of the house, which can derail everything you're working towards.
Get out of the house. Move out and stop relying on her, and then tell her. What is the hurry about telling her?? Will your heads explode if you don't?
Tell her in person. To hell with notes and that sort of nonsense. You stay with her after telling her in private, not in public, unless she sends you out to process it alone. You must face the emotions, negative and positive.
If you can find a way to move out before school ends, look to that. You say you have a cousin? Do you have anyone who can take you in? Dormitory? Anything?
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