A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm a gay 19 year old male. I think it's time I came out (I've been certain of my sexuality for 4 years), but don't know how to do it.Do you think it would be OK to come out by letter to my Mum or both my parents, because I don't know how I could say it to their faces?I'm going to uni next year and really want to be comfortable in my skin as a gay person, feeling able to tell everyone if it came up in conversation, having relationship(s) and going to gay bars and stuff. I don't think I am going to be able to live life to the full without my family knowing first.When is the right time to tell them, or when is the WRONG time?Thanks xx Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2010): You are welcome, I am glad it helped. If you want to PM feel free
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the support guys Guys. Especially VINTAGE64 - a great answer.
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male
reader, AvgGuy1  +, writes (16 March 2010):
Um... one thing to consider here... is the financial aspect. If your parents are really up tight/religious/gay haters - you know them; we don't - and if your parents are paying for your schooling. Then maybe now is not the best time to tell them. IF on the other hand they are fairly open-minded then yeah it might be a good thing to tell them. Whether you do it in person, or via writing is all up to you BUT writing it a little less personal. It might be more difficult to tell them in person but if you can I would suggest doing so.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2010): Whatever you feel more comfortable with and think is appropriate. There is actually no way of knowing what is best as for some parents a letter might be better while for others they might take it better face to face. End of the day though it is you telling them something. You are aiming to be open and honest (good motives!) so who cares how you do it.
There are advantages to a letter - they can digest the information, read it over again, you can say quite a lot without interuption and make yourself very clear.
The only negative could be your parents may feel hurt that you couldn't tell them in person (you know them, so maybe you can guess whether they would be or not).
Anyway good luck man and I hope they take the news okay! Keep in mind initial reactions, if negative, may not be their true feelings. If it is unexpected the shock may rock them for a bit.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2010): tell them to their face. Be a man about it.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2010): I'm writing a letter to tell my folks i'm pregnant so for me personally - letter writing is good. They can freely react without you around then calmly come talk to you about it after they have got over a bit of the shock (if they hadn't already guessed). I know my mum is gonna be fine but my dad - he is gonna be floored, think he still thought i was a virgin, hmm, oops lol :) Just do it the best way you are comfortable and if its a letter then its a letter, better than a text i imagine :) Good luck and hope it all goes well - remember your parents love you no matter what :)
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reader, Riku Tsumi +, writes (15 March 2010):
Most parents can be a bit outlandish at first if you surprise them and writing them a letter is just the cure for this. It'll give them time to think it through. You should probably also find out how they feel about the subject first and then write your letter, but vintage 64 is right, most of the time parents have some idea, they aren't completely blind. I think a letter is okay, just like vintage said, remember to tell them that you love them and how you feel. Tell them what you told us, that you WANTED them to know. This is telling them that even though this is difficult for you to tell them you still want to because you want to be close to them.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2010): My son is gay and he came out to us about your age. He did it by letter, so I would say if that is the way you want
to do it then yes go for it. There isn't a wrong time, just do it when you are ready. Sit down and write it tell them how you feel, don't forget to tell them how important they are to you.
Don't be surprised if they have an idea already. Parents are not blind.
I think you are doing the right thing, telling them, you will feel so much better, knowing that you can talk openly.
Good Luck Sweetheart
Trust me it is going to be fine.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2010): I think it's great you want to tell people. It's best to tell them when you know they can definately hear because I told my dad I was gay in the car, I just said it (then almost had a heart attack) and wen he didn't react I said dad? And he said what sorry didn't hear you, I didn't have the guts to tell him again. That's the only advice I got. Make sure there listening!!
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