A
female
age
30-35,
*issdesign
writes:I'm 25, working in a big company here in US. I just moved here from the Philippines a year ago, been struggling to naturally blend with people. I started with my new job 5 months ago, I totally enjoy my job and I feel like this is the right career for me. I was hanging out with this coworker since I started because we're both new but after couple of months we grow apart which I believe natural. It went to something really fun but things got complicated because I've been assigned to more projects than her. I kept being nice towards her but now she's acting like I don't exist, worst part is my cubicle is next to hers. I needed to gave up one of my projects to give way for my other high priority projects, I asked her to take it since she's been complaining she's been bored for months. I gave it to her for everybody's benefit. I believe I'm always nice to people and such and was never rude but sadly I can't have fun with some of my coworkers. I decided to hangout with one of my coworker who's always nice but somewhat weird at times but not the same age as mine and we don't really relate aside from the fact she also moved here from other country. I'm trying my best to be good at my job and enjoy what I'm doing and I think I made my part on being friendly. I accepted that not everybody will like me but still bothers me at times because I feel like there's something really off about me.I know I'm not a good conversationalist since I didn't grow up here. I can't relate to them most of time because I came from a totally different culture. It's a complete adjustment for me. Back to my home country I'm always friend with everybody, having fun all the time with people. But here I look like a loser and always asking myself why am I even here. Since I got here I haven't hangout to anyone as friends which I'm totally saddens me at times. I have too many friends back home that made me miss them more.It sounds pathetic that my husband and I lives with his parents, its part of our culture. We rent an apartment and live together to save more money. But this parents always complaining I don't care about them and I'm not doing enough housechores and stuff.Hearing my story, there must be something wrong with me. I don't want to self pity because I believe in positive thinking but its just hard. I just wanna be happy and live in peace, any advice?Thanks in advance!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2016): Stand up for yourself. Don't beg for anyone's friendship, just keep being nice to everyone around you and even suggest doing stuff sometimes but don't act like you need these people to be your friends, whenever a person gives the impression they really want to be friends with someone else, the other person usually runs. A needy attitude can be a turn off.
Give them reasons to want to be friends with you. You're in a new country so start doing new things, work on making you happy and the rest will follow. Join a club or a class or even go out clubbing with your husband.
As for your home situation, determine if you're doing enough or not. If not, do a little extra and then leave the rest for the rest of the family. Don't be so hard on yourself, keep focusing positively on what you want in life and it will come.
Good luck.
A
male
reader, soul832016  +, writes (27 August 2016):
It definitely takes time to fit in to a new job with the co workers. It's good that you're not getting involved in the office politics. In my last job, I made the mistake of adding co workers to my social media page and one tried to put together unrelated posts to make me look bad with the boss. After that, I decided it was easier to keep to myself and keep everything purely professional only at work. It's better that way.It does take time to adjust to a new country. I suggest looking for outside community groups to join. Could you join a local community group from your culture? They'll give you so much advice on what life is like and the ways they coped with adjustment when they first arrived.I applaud you for wanting to include your husband. That's the way marriage ought to be. Together, you guys can grow closer with this adjustment. I wish you all the best!
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A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan  +, writes (27 August 2016):
I doubt that your co-workers dislike you, it’s just that a lot of people have purely professional relationships with the people at their work. Office politics can often create tension and resentment. It’s important not to take it personally, but do report it to your manager if you experience any bullying.
You and your husband need to find ways to meet people: join a church, a choir, a craft group, or whatever it is you’re interested in. Find out how you can volunteer locally. It’s hard to settle in to a new country, and it’s hard to make friends: many people struggle when they move away from the people they grew up with or went to school with. Good for you not wanting to indulge in self-pity, but don’t be so critical of yourself either. Settling in is going to take time. Just keep working at it.
I wish you all the very best.
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