A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have a really close friend who I have known for a really long time. Last night she got quite drunk and we ended up kissing and pleasuring each other to orgasm. It is common knowledge that I am bisexual however she thought she was straight. We have gone from talking every single day to her blanking me and being 'off' with me. She says that she is confused and doesn't think that she is bi. I didn't have any sexual feelings for her before this but now I am unsure and I can't stop thinking about her. I have tried having frank convosations with her but she has not confirmed either way whether she would rather forget the incident or continue a relationship. Please can you help me figure out what to do as the thought of this is making me feel physically sick! Thanks
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male
reader, mrg123 +, writes (17 August 2011):
 Well I would say this experience has probably turned your friends world upside down. She 'thought she was straight'and not things are obviously not so clear cut, its a tumultuous experience when something you were sure of becomes something events now force you to doubt. Indeed, it seems you are going through a similar process.
I think what you both need is to take some time out and get your heads straight and decide what you want. Pushing her for a frank conversation is probably not the right thing *at this time* because, being honest, are you really ready for one of those yourself. It might be tempting because you are obviously thinking it will stop you thinking about it, but if it's rushed, it will just makes matters worse, not better.
My advice to you is quite simple. Leave her be, retreat a little bit and answer this simple question "Do you want anything more from her than friendship"? Drink can lower inhibitions (which explains why she is now having to confront a side of her she obviously walled away) but drunken fumbles arent always with people we actually want as partners. They are usually with people who happen to be there, who yes, we find physically attractive, but that doesnt mean we want more. Obviously however you were already emotionally close before this and now sex is in the mix that could = desire for a relationship but, does it really? Your the only one who can answer that, you have to make quite a cold, hard-headed assessment of what *you* want then when you have decided, approach her and talk to her and *then* have the frank conversation you will then hopefully both be ready for. Good luck, let us know how it goes :)
A
male
reader, HelpyMcHelperson +, writes (17 August 2011):
You need to give her some space, by all means let her know that if she needs to talk you will be there but let her come to you if that is what she decides, if you need to try to reach her one last time, possibly with a frank letter but after that leave it.
If there are any other friends you can go to for support to help you get over your feelings do that, or try to keep yourself distracted some how until your feelings work their course.
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