A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Right i got a christmas present dilemma!Last year, i bought a friend a present 4 xmas (Big box of malteasers) and i never got anything back! Even though she kept saying that she was gonna send me some money in a card! Anyway I put that in the past and now xmas is approaching again but i'm in two minds whether or not to get her anything. It seems a dumb thing to do, especially if she forgets me again. But what if she buys me summat dis year... shud i give her owt back! (My mother says i aren't allowed to get her anything, and if i do recieve one this time - then to class it as last-years prezzie). Fair enough, she has got a good point. But my mate is saying that she'll bring the presents on the last day (which i do too - for all my mates) And if i hand out prezzies to my mates and not her, i'll feel dead guilty. I just don't know what to do! I'm hoping she'll be off school that day, but i doubt it! Can anyone recommend any advice to me, on what to do and also what to say to her? thanks x
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male
reader, No Luck  +, writes (5 January 2008):
 SORRY TO SAY THAT ITS HARD TO HELP IN THIS KIND OF PROBLEM CAUSE CHRISTMAS ISNT ONLY A GIFT OCCASION EVEN WE MUST NOT THINK TO SENT GIFTS AND WAIT THAT OTHER SENT BACK OR IT WILL NOT BE FROM THE BOTTOM OF THE HEART AND BETTER TO NOT GIFT ANYTHING THAT WAY ... CHRISTMAS means that our savior is born for us all, consider GOD As a gift for ur life cause nothing else matters in this life everything is going to die only jesus christ's words will never. so be happy that GOD gave himself a special gift to you that will stay forever beside u to delight ur life and helps u throught all ur problems, thanks, hope you had a MERRY CHRISTMAS :d
A
female
reader, happytochat  +, writes (15 December 2007):
I think you have let the whole idea of christmas slip your mind...its to give, to show how much you lvoe and care for someone, not to give and hope for some awesome present in return. You shoudlnt really be thinking about what YOU get or hope to recieve from giving a present, it shoudl be about what the person you are giving too will get.
When you give a presnet to someone they dont 'owe you' anythign really. Its a present! of course its always nice to get smething back, but this shoudlnt be your soul purpose for giving.
So ask yourself, how important is this frined to you? Do you want to give something nice to her in hope she will enjoy the present? If so, then give again this year. However if you dont feel liek this towards your friend then maybe you could consider not giving anything.
I understand that her not giving you anything back would make you disapointed, because lets face it, we all liek to get presents on christmas, BUTTT you stil have to remember what i and many other people on here have also said- about giving because you care, not to hope to get something in return.
Did it ever occur to you that maybe your friend felt bad that she didnt get you a present so thats why she promised to give you some money, perhaps money that she nevr had! Maybe she coudlnt get a hold of that money? Something to think about, because your frined may not of meant to upset you by not giving you something.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2007): I think that her not getting you a gift in return last year has upset you, especially if you have chatted with your Mum about it too.
I think you seem really nice, and the question is really, ;is my friend going to hurt my feelings again this year by forgetting my pressie' and i think it is a valid one!
What I suggest it getting her something small, just to be on the safe side, as it sounds like you would be equally as upset if you didn't get her something and she then got you something!
That way, if you get her something, you are not going to feel bad if she gets you a pressie, and if I were you I would assume she is not going to get you one, and that way you won't be disappointed!
If she gets you one, then it will be a bonus!
I think some of the posters here are forgetting how big a deal this kind of stuff can be when you're younger. It is a big deal to be left out and your friend hurt your feelings last year by doing so, although it sounds to me more like she is genuinely flaky and not that she was trying to be mean on purpose.
I hope that helps a little and have a really fab Christmas!
x x x
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A
female
reader, missmel34 +, writes (15 December 2007):
If you're giving gifts to all your other friends, then you have to include her, its rude not to do that.
Whether you receive a gift from her is neither here nor there. Like everyone else has said, give for the act of giving.
Xmas is not about what you get, its about expressing thanks and appreciation to people we love and are friendly to. People have their own way of showing appreciation, some give cards, others give presents some give both...some even just give a friendly "Merry Xmas!" :)
Have you thought that maybe she just might not have the money to give gifts, some people struggle at this time of year. If shes not working or relying on funds from her parents she simply might not have the money.
Look, give what you want to all your friends, don't exclude her, thats just mean. After all xmas is all about giving isn't it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2007): Christmas is about giving, not receiving. If you want to get her something, then buy her something small that you can afford, even if it's just a card with a $1 lotto ticket or something. The point isn't to get anything back my dear.
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A
female
reader, pgissyd +, writes (14 December 2007):
 Get her a present, tell her merry xmas, and give her a kiss under the mistletoe. Honestly! I have to ask you now, why do you expect her to give you a gift? A person does not give only to receive. Its good to give those we care for gifts, its selfish to expect gifts in return.
So are you going to give her a christmas gift because she is your friend, or are you going to be selfish and say 'you never gave me one last year, so Im not going ot buy anything till after you bought me something, and then I will only spend half as much on you than you do on me, because that will make up for last year???
Time to grow up babe, its not like a box of malteasers is a diamond ring is it? Its a couple of quid for a good friend, Im assuming by telling her you wanted money in a card, you were expecting her to pay for them. Or are you not selfish at all, and would gladly give without expecting anything in return?
Do you understand this lesson? does the moral get through to you?
Dont think Im being harsh, I try to teach people to live better lives by being better people, Less selfish more selfless. You wanna make her happy, or have her make you happy?
I hope that gives you an idea what is the right thing to do.
xxx issy xxx
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