A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I have always hated xmas. Firstly my older childrens father use to two time me at this time which seriously damaged me emotionally.Secondly I come from a very large family and since back in the UK for 26 years, they have never invited me for xmas. I havent spoken to my half sisters for 6 years .I invited them to my sons christening and not one of them showed or gave an apology. I never felt so humilated and hurt in all my life and stoped speaking to them. For years they have always treated me as if I am not part of the family and referred to me as the step-sister (I am half).I want to speand christmas with a family. Yes I have my own but with dad not there it is awful year after year me and the kids and they get miserable. All the pressure is on me to buy loads of presents. Rarely do I get anything or appreciaton in return.My so to be called b/f turned up at my house this evening and I would not let him in. I am full of anger and hurt but did not want to speak. Did not want to hear excuses or promises.Any advice welcomed. There must be more to this. Life can not be this miserable!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2009): How can you not like Christmas because an ex used to cheat around that time? Sorry but we lost a young member of the family on Christmas Eve years ago but we still put on the full works for Christmas Day even if we did have to leave the room for tears. Not being funny but cant you put aside your issues for one day and make it a happy one for your children? If your stepfamily dont regard you as family then to hell with them! You cant force people to have contact with you. Enjoy the family you have got! If your so called bf is making you unhappy, then ditch him! Try and make a fresh start next year with some resolutions. Stop looking at the glass as half empty and start seeing it as half full or you will just end up very miserable and alone, once the children are old enough to go elswhere for Christmas!
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2009): Life is NOT miserable. You FEEL miserable. You must change the assumptions you have about life. Life always tends for GROWTH and CHANGE. You must change your outlook on life and to do that you have to change how you view yourself and your interactions in the world.
If you cannot talk to your bf because you dislike him then discontinue the relationship.
If your extended family will not acknowledge you forget them.
Since you only have your children and yourself at Xmas why not declare yourself a chef and prepare a nice meal with the help of your children. Make that THE goal for this year. Bake a Xmas cake. Play board games with the kids. Watch Scrooged.
You can also volunteer with a soup kitchen, food bank with your kids to help those who are worse off. Helping others makes you feel good.
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A
female
reader, dazey  +, writes (14 December 2009):
I think xmas is for kids really. To adults it's usually an excuse to eat loads and fall asleep in the day.
I can remember my mum telling me when I was about 8 that she hated xmas, for reasons like yours, we never had a fun time because she was so blatant about hating it. Kids pick up on all that and feel guilty for having so much fun and being so excited by it all. Now I am over all that and see it for what it is, but as a kid, with a miserable mum it was always really painful at xmas. Even so, I can't help being cynical about the whole thing and still dread it. I'm hoping not to pass the negativity on if I have kids one day.
The best advice i could give you is to try to hold it down for your kids, make the effort, make their day special and try to enjoy their enjoyment. Try not to let on that you're depressed, just for one day don't worry about anyone else except your immediate family. I guarantee it they'll love you for it.
it's funny how a so-called celebration always brings up the stresses and sadnesses that are in most families. If you get emotional when you drink then try to leave it out, even if it is xmas.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (14 December 2009):
 Christmas sucks, but only if we let it. If the traditional family thing isnt happening for you, create your own traditions.
I was a single mother of three, with very little money, isolated from the extended family - so I have an inkling of where you are coming from.
However, I also did voluntary with with the Salvos, so had a bit of an idea that the Christmas we have pushed down out throats by television and radio and junk mail is not the reality for a vast number of people.
We put a limit on gift value, as the mother my limit was a little higher than theirs. it was always fun to see what had been purchased for each other, and this practice has been a good grounding for them, now that they are all adults, they actually put thought into gift buying, and it shows.
We made breakfast the main meal of the day, a full on sumptious feast, we didnt need lunch afterwards, but the deal was that anybody who came for lunch (open house often attended by people whose kids were off playing happy families with the other parent) could make their own sandwich. As the kids got older they started going off to girlfriends houses for lunch.
You dont mention your kids ages, but you do say you want a family Christmas, well, you and your kids are THE FAMILY - so your half sisters have failed to make room in their families for you, that is their loss, you need to build on what you have, and stop hankering for what you can't have.
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