A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi,Just a quick question!Should I accept my boyfriends offer to financially support me or focus on my career just in case?!I live with him for a few years now and have always been pushing myself really hard to get a great career so I'd have security for the future for myself (should our relationship end). But it's tearing us apart. We rarely see each other and I never have a moment to spare! Plus my efforts have largely failed in that my job is crappy!So, we had a little talk about getting engaged and he said that while I am busy trying to get a career in case he leaves me, what Im actually doing is causing him to consider leaving me because I am never around. He said that he can afford to support me, so that I'd only have to work a few hours and basically be carefree because I'd be financially secure.. with him.What'll I do?I can't seem to do both, Ive tried repeatedly. So its him or the career I think... Help!Thanks
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female
reader, Aunty Susie  +, writes (29 September 2011):
 What gives you the idea that your relationship will end? Are you insecure, or is the relationship shaky?
The way I read what you are saying; is that he loves you , wants to marry you, and don't see you nearly enough. You have a crappy job, and have been given the opportunity to cut back hours at this crappy job, and be supported both financially and emotionally in this move.
If you are still working a few hours a week, you still have a career. As you consider this a crappy job, why not look elsewhere.
There isn't really any reason why you can't have a career and a relationship. What you need to be asking yourself, I think, is do you want THIS relationship? Because it sounds as though you want to choose the crappy job over him. You need to do some serious thinking. Best of luck. xx
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (29 September 2011):
 In my humble opinion.... your submittal has TWO completely separate questions.... so needs two answers....
1. As regards your B/F... IF you and he want to stay together... and IF YOU want to be married.... then make a decision about this WITHOUT ANY CONSIDERATION OF YOUR JOB AND CAREER!
2. As regards your career.... IF you want or need to do things to make this aspect of your life more to your liking... then, DO WHAT YOU MUST TO GET TO WHERE YOU WANT TO BE IN THIS REGARD...
I see two details that are, potentially, clouding the issue:
1. You are allowing his ability to "support" you - financially - to be considered. It shouldn't be. The ENTIRE REASON you want a career is SO YOU CAN TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF - ON YOUR TERMS - IF NEED BE...
2. His behaviour relative to your job and career (".... what Im actually doing is causing him to consider leaving me.." ) sounds like the beginning of him trying to exercise control of you and your life.. That's not a very good basis for decisions that two people who love one-another have to make....
Good luck.... in your career...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi,Thanks for writing to me, I really appreciate it.In honestly, I have been trying to get my career going for forever.. I have tried and tried and got nowhere.Recently however, I got offered an internship in a place that could really benefit me.. but its unpaid and its an extra job on top of my paid job (which I need to keep)and.. there is no guarantees it will actually lead to anything concrete.Thats whats been destroying our relationship.So, he suggested I quit the unpaid internship and just do the paid job to have a bit of extra cash and that he'd support me financially so that I can be around more often.So I am torn...I do think it would be good to take a break from my career to focus on him, (give up the internship) but this internship could maybe lead somewhere...but then again, we can both see how it could potentially destroy us as a couple.I havent been socialising in months, I never get a chance to look well, I am always cranky because Im exhausted and I rarely see him even though we share a bed!Sorry for the long reply!(ps. I would not give up the paid work I do and focus on the internship because its not viable)X
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A
female
reader, nicole90 +, writes (29 September 2011):
 Well if you say the career is crappy then move away from that aspect. If he is thinking about leaving you because of your career then it doesn't sound like he is very supportive. Maybe if you spend more time with him he will fall in love more and be able to give you the support you need. is there any way you could take a temporary break from your career?
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