A
female
age
36-40,
*andygurl
writes:I have been in a situation where-as-though I messed with a married man. My intentions wasn't to get seriously involve but I did. I was told he was separated and lived by his self but all that was a lie. He made it so believeable because he always talked to me in front of her and took me out and everything expecially round her family so I had no choice but to believe him. When we decided to move in together I quess that's when it finally hit her and she couldnt handle it. Because of my actions I have been called so many names from the other women, a ho, the homewreaker , etc it does get worser. All of those things made me question myself and still kinda affect me today. I was told how can I ruin a happy marriage if it was already broken. That it wasn't my fault he cheated on, that if it was so perfect he wouldn't be out there looking in the first place. All of these things are true but I still am feel with guilt and ashamed even doe it was other women b4 me he cheated with but that still doesn't justiefied me doing the same even if I did or didn't he woulda mess with someone else. Why do I keep feeling like its all my fault
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female
reader, katoxox +, writes (2 October 2010):
I am sooo tired of women beng so naive or just plain stupid, you didnt do anything wrong not even 50% he is married he made the commitment not you. a man should remain faithful in a marriage even if tempted if he choses to stray that his problem and his fault.
men tend to cheat more yet women cheat less and are being tempted more.
so regardless of what those other women say , i say its not your fault
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2010): Yeah, well, what you did is 100% all your fault, not 50%.But, don't beat yourself up and learn from it.Married people often do this to their spouses, and you are young still, and will learn more than you want to about this as you get older.No, you didn't ruin a happy marriage. That is his bailiwick.We learn this the hard way. Almost made the same mistake when I was your age, very attractive woman "separated" and "getting divorced". Hey, no problems right, didn't live with her "soon to be ex-spouse". I didn't get involved because the divorce wasn't finalized, later kind of wished I had, then...a year later she's still married...20 years later I'm so glad I didn't get into that situation because of all I've seen since in marriages and relationships.Key thing is to never do it to your spouse when you get married, assuming you do.Best Wishes.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (27 September 2010):
 Not ALL your fault but 50% of it is. Stop with this nonsense.
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A
female
reader, candygurl +, writes (27 September 2010):
candygurl is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAt vin thanks for the advice and at da anonymous female of course u are like the typical female always pointing blame whether married or not married men and female cheats on der spouses. When I met him he lied about being married and when I found out I did end it but feelings were already involved and I don't apologize for my feelings
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A
male
reader, Ven +, writes (27 September 2010):
You feel at fault because you believe in marriage. You were lied to, but in the end you still feel like you got dropped between two married people. A marriage failed with you in the middle, but you need to see that you were used in the whole situation.
Realize that it is not your fault, and that the man is scum. Even if his marriage wasn't perfect, he shouldn't have been trolling for other women. If you haven't already, you should cut contact off with that man.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 September 2010): Sorry for being rude, but when you said "My intentions wasn't to get seriously involve but I did" it made you look dumb in my eyes. Anyways...You feel like its your fault probably because deep inside you know that it is your fault. Maybe its not ALL your fault but you did play a role in a wrong doing and now the guilt is haunting you. I'm sure if you were married (happily or unhappily) you would not want any other girl trying to get between you and your man until things were sorted. Basically, you encouraged this man to cheat...yeah if it was not with you then maybe he would have been cheating with another girl and he was cheating with a girl before you and maybe he'll cheat with someone after you but at the end this is about you and you know that you should have known better."He would have messed with someone else" yeah maybe but at least you wouldn't have been involved in the wrong doing and if every girl thought that way and walked away from a married man then maybe we would have less man cheating around on their wives because they would have no one to cheat with. How would you feel if you husband cheated?
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