A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been having an affair with a married man for 14 months my sister informed my husband of the affair last year and my husband confronted him but the relationship with my lover continued since then his wife had found texts on his phone from me.The worst possible thing happened shortly after was that my husband caught us both in the marital bed my husband did nothing, my husband has since left me and i am fine with that.The relationship with my married lover is still continuing he calls me 3-4 times daily and texts 3-4 times daily. His wife has suspicions but no evidence. Do you feel there is a chance this relationship will go somewhere?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, eamherst14051  +, writes (16 January 2010):
I would have to assume that since you have not posted here since your original post that either your husband, your sister or a rouge gang of toughs has caught up with you and broken your fingers as revenge for internet posting of adultery! Just nod if the answer is yes. Okay, thanks. Was it worth it? No! Sorry.
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (2 October 2009):
This is a simple one to answer. Even after your husband left you, he didn't leave his wife. And he won't.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (1 October 2009):
 You should be asking the man, as Eyes points out. My suggestion to you is to figure out if he is interested in building a life together with you, or if he is interested in the thrill of illicit sex and passionate--but short and finite--interludes with you. My guess is (b), if it were (a), you wouldn't be here asking the question, you'd be with him, because he would have left his wife.
Try to remove the passion from your analysis of your situation. Love/lust goggles can really skew vision and judgement.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (1 October 2009):
 Why are you asking us a question you should be asking the cheater? And let us know what he says, I'll bet it will be something along the lines of:
"I love you so much BUT I can't leave her just yet because of the kids" or
"I love you so much BUT I can't leave her just yet because of finances" or
"I love you so much BUT I can't leave her just yet because it would affect my career" or
"I love you so much BUT....
You get my drift?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 October 2009): there is only one way this affair is going- and it is down. you have had such disregard for your husband- to even have sex on your marital bed and him catching you. speaks volumes of you. nothing but sordidness and contempt.
when you sow betrayal and misery and pain, you will get back ten fold. that is a guarantee.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 October 2009): Sure! The relationship will go to a seedy motel... over and over...
Seriously, this guy would have left his wife along time ago if he was going to. If he was serious about you, the day your husband left he would have left his wife. Your an easy lay who showers him with affection and wants him - his wife, who's living with some one she suspects is cheating on her, probably doesn't.
So, will the realtionship "go somewhere" - yeah, just NOT where you want it too...
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A
male
reader, softtouchmale2003 +, writes (1 October 2009):
 Its possible that your relationship will continue. But the real question is how will he deal with his wife?
Obviously she has been hurt by this, your husband has been hurt by this; and the question is, assuming you two were single again, would your relationship be able to survive outside of an affair.
It can happen. Your odds are 99:1. The question you should address to your lover is whether or not he would ever leave his wife, not for you, but leave his wife for himself.
If he says "no" then the relationship can continue, but you will be subjected to his time tables, his schedule, and your down time alone waiting for him.
I don't advocate having an extramarital affair. The effects of which can be devastating to spouses.
Obviously catching you in the marital bed with this guy was not a savory thought for your husband.
If there are kids involved, try thinking about them and his family as a whole before proceeding further.
If the two of you are comfortable with this and you can work with it, and there's cooperation from both spouses, its possible.
But then again, you'd have to learn to love each other full-time, rather than behind closed doors.
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