A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello all. My marriage has been having its fair share of problems but have been working on it. I have caught my husband twice cheating on me previously and just found out he's at it again. I wouldn't say I'm still in love with him as my feelings have changed towards him. We have quite a number of assets together as we've been married for 9 years but I don't mind giving that up if I have to. Problem number 1, is I have 2 kids and don't want to get them mixed up in all this. The second problem is that he doesn't want to admit that he's cheating or doing anything wrong! For instance right now since I confronted him, I found out through text msgs on his phone and they were as explicit as they can get, he's told me I'm violating he's privacy and that I have no business with his phone. Obviously I snooped for a reason. Now he avoids me in the house but goes about like everything is normal. He's such a coward and I just want advice on how to handle this. I have a good job and can look after the kids and myself but leaving my home is not just going to be easy for me.
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female
reader, PatientlyWaiting1  +, writes (17 March 2012):
I just wanted to say I am sorry for you. This has to be hard. Before you through things away just make sure you have done all you could. Do you think you could be contributing to his behavior at all? Counseling may be a great idea. Are you religious? Church may help also. And are you doing all you can to be a great wife? Not blaming you at all. He should not be cheating. Seems like he is looking for something you are not giving him. Give him space and maybe go back to the basics. Learn each other again, go on dates, etc. Let him know you really want this to work. And ask him if there is anything you could be doing differently. And ask him if you are contributing to him cheating. Ask him to give the marriage another go. But he muststop cheating and focus on you two.
A
female
reader, Realitycheck +, writes (17 March 2012):
 Why should you be the one to leave the family home. He's the one who's cheating. Make him move out. Better yet, file for divorce and in the paperwork put down that you get the house so your kids don't have to have their home life and their normal schedules turned upside down. Believe me you are not doing your kids a favor by staying in a marriage where there is no love or respect because children learn from example. What example is he setting for them? Not something you want them repeating in their own lives someday, that's for sure. If he is not open to marriage counseling, I think you should dump the loser and tell him move out. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (17 March 2012):
 He is absolutely and utterly disqualified from ever whining about his privacy being violated.
That being said, you know that he is a serial cheater, and what you say will not change that fact. Your choices have reduced to only two:
To live with his cheating, or to leave him. His actions show that he's not interested in changing. He has no moral or ethical leg to stand on when it comes to your trust, and his chafing at your "snooping" shows that he has no remorse.
A guy who feels remorse for being unfaithful and wants to save his marriage not only drops all claims to privacy, but he enthusiastically and happily shows his wife and allows her all reassurances in the hope of rebuilding the trust that he blew.
Leaving your home will not be easy, but staying with him will be harder. If you're worried about assets, get a lawyer and show him no quarter. You shouldn't have to give up what you've put into the marriage.
I know you don't want to hurt your kids, and it will hurt them. However, it will also hurt them to live in a bad home environment where there is a lot of fighting and cheating.
Hopefully he will do the right thing and be there as a father, even though he's a crappy husband.
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