A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hello all. CHEATING BF DRAMAI have the same story of so many young ladies. My bf cheated and it hurt.We have been together for 3 years now. Our first year together, we were college freshmen. He transferred from his school to my school for the spring semester. That semester and apparently the semester before he cheated on me with a girl who attends a college near his home. Spring break, we were having some trouble so I suggested that we take a week off to remember why we fell in love in the first place. So, I told him we would meet up after a week and talk to see if we still want to be together or not. So, the week goes by and he hasn't called. I went to his house to see what was up as we had to leave for school the next morning. When I arrive at his house, he pulls up with two other women in the car. So, I ask him what is going on.He tells me that I know what is going on. We go back and forth for a couple minutes on whether or not I am aware of what is happening or not. I end up going in his basement while these 2 girls are upstairs and he and I talk. He ends up crying his eyes out and telling me how sorry he is for this and that and a whole host of other nonesense. So, I leave, but we drive to school together.He drives this time, cries the whole way there-even has to pull over because he is crying so hard. When we get to school. He says he loves me and he doesn't know why he got into anything with her. He cries some more and says he wants to work things out with me. I say not right now, I just need to think.About a week later, we are on speaking terms. We understand each other and respect each other in terms of this situation. He ends up asking me for money because he wants to go home because of a family event. I give him about 50 dollars and bid him farewell. The next day I call the friend he was supposed to be riding with and he says, "nope, he didnt go with me. I haven't seen him in a month." So, womens intuition sets in and I go over to his dorm room and find all these womens clothes, shoes, and blankets all over his room. I hear the shower going and it sets in! SHE IS HERE!!! I trash the room (bleach all her and his stuff, and anything i had given him). I leave and break up with him. About a month or two later we are back together going strong with no drama. Now, a year and a half later this girl is back claiming that she is pregnant with his child and that she is having an abortion!What the heck!?!?!? This whole year she has been trying to get back with him-showing up unannounced at his house, following him from his home, following me to his home, and other stalkerish crap like that! So, this abortion thing is not too far from crazyness. He tells her not to call. He curses her out for calling, he ignores her 20 calls at a time,-he is atcually doing what he is supposed to do in order to make her aware of the fact that he is no longer interested in her. So, the abortion mess seems like a far fetched lie to me.She had a friend of hers send me an email with that information. I pay it no mind as an attempt to get my attention. A month later she calls me in tears about how terrible my bf is and how he got her pregnant, how she had an abortion, and how it was to save his and my relationship! All this drama for no reason. So, I ask him about it, he denies. But, he denied cheating on me in the first place a year and a half ago! So, I break it off. Even if she was lying and he is telling the truth-there is no reason for her to still be in our lives after a year and a half. I am in a realtionship with him and no one else. So why should I have to go through all this drama with him and her? When she gets mad with him for cursing her out, she calls me and tells me all the bad stuff they did, have done, or are supposedly doing. I tell him and he gets mad at me! I told him that this is not how I want to live me life. He should not be answering her calls, responding to her text messages, or anything like that! Am I being overdramatic? Should I attempt to trust him? Should I take him back? I know he loves me. I love him too with all my heart. This wouldn't be so hard if I didn't. I just don't know what to do. Part of me wants a clean slate, but the other part loves him too much to move on. We have shared so much with each other-things only we know about each other. I just can't ever see myself telling these things to someone else. What do I do!!?!?!?-Confused?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2008): Hello all, its the person who created this post. Just an update! My prayers have been answered. I have taken all of your advice and I appreciate everything. This situation has caused me to open my eyes to the world. When I wrote this, I had no idea what to do, suicide was on my mind. But, I'm too strong for that. After weeks of crying, my prayers were answered. My boyfriend's family has moved to another state which has caused him to move! So, this crazy lady has no idea where he currently lives. He asked me to change my number with him and start a new plan with a new company. She now has no numbers to call. We have seen her once while we were moving everything out and no words were exchanged. She was ignored the ENTIRE 30 minutes that she was parked outside his house. She sped off and cursed us out-but the point is, he didn't care. He respected my wishes.I know its going to be hard to forgive him, but its possible now. Thank you so much!
A
female
reader, PsyCookie +, writes (9 September 2008):
 Go to the girl and tell her that if she keeps on giving you so much drama and all the stalkerish behavior that you will seek out the law. If she insists on doing what she's doing now even after the warning, put a straining order against her. I'm pretty sure you must be too fed up with her that you shouldn't hesitate on doing this.
Second, as you say, you love your boyfriend with all your heart and for that you will have to learn to forgive him. You gotta remind yourself that this is a LONG healing process, so don't panic if a couples of months have passed and you're still hurt.
I know, by experience, that talking to him in depth about the whole situation will bring you some closure. During that time, tell him everything, and ask him to be honest with you too. Don't hold any tears. Just don't yell at him but do try to express yourself all of your problems. Before hand, tell him that this will help you learn how forgive him so he needs to be understanding with all the things you might say.
After this, try to bury this episode and the past. If fight ensues, do not mention his infidelity as a way to insult him. This will cause even more drama in your part.
Tell your boyfriend that for now your trust on him has been dwindled so he has to understand you bit more. Also, tell him to assure you more often the value you are to him, so you always remember that he still cares about you.
Yes, this is all a chaos, but it can be fixed if everything is taken carefully and well-planned. Good luck and I hope you and your boyfriend leave this ugly episode behind.
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A
female
reader, Jules22  +, writes (8 September 2008):
 god this really is chaos. you should just tell this girl that if your boyfriend really is as bad as she is saying why doesnt she just leave him alone. you should also say to your boyfriend that with her around it is all getting too much and if she doesnt disapear very soon then your going to have to seriouley consider whether you deserve all this stress in your life. tell him that you love him but that whoever this girl is she wants him and that if he made it very clear to her that she was not wanted then she would almost certainly dissapear. if he doesnt care for her at all (which he shudnt) then if him being rude is what it take then he should be rude. hope this helps.good luckkeep me posted.
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