A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My sister had faced reality and spiraled into depression. I urged her to seek therapy (not just because of this last episode), but in the meantime she needs support. How can I help her more?Some time ago she had a month long fling with a guy she met through work. That's the right way to call it. And it would all be well, had she seen it the way it was. The guy in question led her along, abusing her weaknesses (late 30's (desperately) looking for a partner with whom she could have a family).Not only did he lie that he was single in order to get somewhere with her (she outright asked him if he was married or had a gf and he lied to her face), but he built upon that first lie leading her to believe that he was in love, that he wanted a relationship with her, that they were soulmates, that... I mean you can guess the rest. I do not understand why he would lie some more, because after he had assured he he was single, she was all in.Anyway, we all saw that she was rushing into something without thinking and we all thought that he was lying to her, because there were so many telltale signs. She was impossible to talk to and had already started to think about moving to his state and finding a job there (where she knows no one, has no business contacts etc.). The guy was attractive, charming, successful. He traveled a lot for work. When he went back home he strung her along for some time, mostly via texts. And she bought it. She really believed that he was great and that she finally found someone she always dreamed of. She had been chronically single all of her life. Little by little she got tired of being the only one to initiate their text exchanges. In the end he simply ghosted her, never having answered her texts, calls or emails.She found a way to cope, always wandering why he acted the way he had, refusing to accept that he was lying her from the very beginning. She shared some of her ideas, ranging from he met someone else to him being in rehab (he had what I would call a drug problem, but my sister thought it was "recreational").Almost two years later, the guy came back and texted her as if nothing had happened. He asked her out and before getting an explanation from him (or even getting mad!) she went... I have no idea why he decided to tell her the truth then and I won't speculate. He was married from the start, of course and his wife had dumped him less than a month before.She had a completely unhealthy reaction to this. Instead of getting mad, she tried to find explanations, rationalize... Who knows how far this would go... A week into this madness she ran into a woman she knows from work, who flat out told her that the guy had contacted her as well, because she too had had a sexual relationship with him two years ago, at the same time when he was supposedly madly falling in love with my sister.My sister cut all contact with him, but is now completely out of it. She feels humiliated and this is leading to depression. A doctor can't see her before the end of February and I just can't leave her in this state. She keeps telling that she's fine, but either refuses to eat or binges, has trouble sleeping, finds excuses not to go to work and is miserable all the time. I have an impression that she drinks more than just a beer with dinner, as she says.What can I do?
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female
reader, NORA B  +, writes (20 March 2018):
First of all by being there for her is a great help...knowing she is not alone to deal with this hurt.When man/woman falls in love a this level....reason.. goes out the window....keep talking to her in a gentle way without to much pressure......it take time for her to allow what has happened really sink in.....because we all want to be loved......and as this man is an experienced ..User..of women....he knew the right button to press and said what he knew ..she wanted to hear......The wheel will turn on him and he will get what he deserves....In the meantime keep talking....and get her help as soon as you can.Right now she is wounded....she is lucky to have a sister that cares for her.Kind regards NORA.B.
A
male
reader, Roboaxe +, writes (30 January 2018):
 I'm so sorry.
What that guy did was morally reprehensible and I hope he gets what's coming to him.
Regarding your sister, she is going to need time to cope with this. Sometimes people really do fall in love with the idea of love. Her being single for so long and finally finding a supposed "dream" guy, only for it to come crashing down on her must've really taken a toll on her heart.
I'd say let her take her time and she will eventually open up to you and begin the healing process. But if you'd like to be more proactive, really stress how horrible the guy is and how he doesn't deserve that much attention.
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