A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I went out last night and got really drunk. A guy grabbed me and started kissing me and feeling me up and without thinking I started kissing him back. Then he said he would help to get me home safely but he got out the taxi too and we ended up sleeping together. The sex was **** and I don't even remember what the guy looks like or his name. My boyfriend came today with a bunch of flowers and food to help me revise and I suddenly feel really guilty. I wasn't going to tell him as we have been together for almost a year and a half and I really love him. What do I do??
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male
reader, DV1 +, writes (21 August 2013):
 I'm going to keep this short and sweet.
You are a liar.
Period.
You do not love your boyfriend, or you wouldn't have done what you did, nor would you have accepted what he brought home. He sounds like a good person. Let him go be happy with someone else who actually deserves him.
You're going to cheat on the next guy, too. You can't escape it. That's what has to happen. The cycle has to repeat itself for bad people.
A
male
reader, Serpico +, writes (9 August 2013):
My hunch is if the OP was instead a man cheating on a woman many of these same posters would post the exact opposite advice they are now giving.
That said, you cannot base a relationship on a lie, esp not one this large. Proceed accordingly.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2013): Do what you think feels right, Its going to eat you up inside if you dont let him know. But at the same time it will keep his feelings safe. So its either stay feeling guilty to protect his feelings Or telll him the truth to set your guilt free and hope for the best. and you cant really blame alcohol since you made a move as well!
Good Luck!
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A
female
reader, Brokenv  +, writes (8 August 2013):
I get it, you love your boyfriend and you made a mistake. Is this a mistake you are going to repeat? Only you can answer that. What is the reason to tell him, to relieve your guilt? I tell you know DO NOT TELL HIM. It will make your relationship worse. You are only going to regret it. My opinion is not going to be popular but what he doesn't know will NOT HURT him. Your one night does not mean anything to you......let alone him. Move on. Did not live in the past. Do not look back and do not take him there.Good Luck!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2013): Oh, so you started feeling guilty only when your boyfriend arrived? You should be ASHAMED and he should dump you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2013): If you tell him he will be gone forever and he probably should be.
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A
female
reader, R1  +, writes (7 August 2013):
 I think if its truly a drunken mistake then telling him would only upset him. You feel guilty as you should, but the important thing is whether you want to be in this relationship or not? Do you really love him?
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A
female
reader, Dionee'  +, writes (7 August 2013):
 You should tell your bf. He seems like a nice enough guy.
keeping your cheating a secret will eat away at you. It will drive you INSANE with guilt and you might end up having your guilt ultimately ruin your relationship.
If you say you love him then you should love him enough to tell him the truth. If he hears you out and wants to work on the relationship then you are a lucky girl, if not then you both will have to move on.
Goodluck
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A
female
reader, SilverVintage +, writes (7 August 2013):
 I am not trying to scold you or make you feel bad anymore than you already do. Don't take this post in offense.
You really weren't going to tell him?! Seriously, that is a low blow. I dare say he deserves a to be with someone who is honest & upfront. You say you love him then give him some respect in that sense.
You need to confess to him. If not the guilt will kill you internally. Don't sugarcoat and give some whiny excuse as to why you did it. Its done, you can't change it. Be honest with him if you really love him.
Yes, he may be upset and he will decide if this is something that you two can come back from. The trust will be broken and you will have to work hard to get it back, if he decides to give you another shot. Its going to be painful for both of you, but the best way to get your issue off of your shoulder is to tell him & do it as soon as possible!
Also, GET TESTED FAST!!! Seriously, you don't know what the other guy has and you could have it. Take responsibility for your actions and your health as well. hiding it won't make the guilt go away, GET TESTED FOR ALL STD'S! PLEASE!
The thing about hiding something like cheating is that he will find out eventually. Your actions will be different and you will distance yourself from him, even if you don't want to. He will notice and suspect.
Take WiseOWlE's advice wholeheartedly, he is telling the truth.
Learn and grow from this. Take responsibility as a woman and tell your boyfriend. The consequences will feel worse and more hurtful if you don't!
I pray it all works out for the best.
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A
female
reader, malvern +, writes (7 August 2013):
 I know this is dis-honest but don't tell him. You made a massive mistake and you feel guilty but it is best to suffer that guilt alone. If you tell your boyfriend you will ruin everything for evermore. Learn from your mistake and don't ever do it again. Don't confide in your friends either because friends can't keep their mouths shut and will always go and tell somebody else. Also - don't go out getting drunk because it makes you very vulnerable. The world is an unsafe place as you've found to your cost.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2013): Just tell him honestly, your guilt will kill you.
most of all accept the consequences afterwards.
Listen to WiseOwlE advise.
I totally agree with him
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2013): I'm going to disagree with the other posters and say that if you are truly sorry and will never do it again, then I don't see the point in telling him. You want to tell him to ease your guilt, but all it will do is hurt him and destroy your relationship. If you think there is even a remote chance he will find out then tell him though, it will be better coming from you. If not then accept the guilt as your punishment and say nothing.
I do think you should look at why you did it though. Is your relationship missing something? Are you happy? If you can work out why then you can stop it happening again.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2013): Please get tested for an STD. After 30 days, you must get tested for HIV. You don't even know what the guy looks like; so it's likely you didn't practice safe-sex either.
Your health and safety is very important. Your inhibitions were down, and you were not fully in-charge of your faculties. I hope he didn't drug you; but I doubt that.
You have to be with friends to keep you out of trouble; if you're going to go out and tie one on. No-one should go out alone, and get drunk. You could end up in trouble with the law; raped, missing, or dead.
It is likely you're going to have sex with your boyfriend before you decide what you're going to do; so you'd better use protection; or you could spread infection.
If you don't know who you were with; you surely didn't take the proper precautions, or remember whether he did or not. He took advantage of you any way you look at it. I know under normal circumstances, this shouldn't have happened.
Now getting to what you should do.
Confess.
It is up to your boyfriend to decide if things should continue. You have a responsibility to be honest and faithful in a committed relationship. Sometimes we are forgiven in such situations; most likely he will breakup with you.
You can hide it. However; you can't make the guilt go away; and sometimes the truth comes back to haunt you. That guy is still out there, and just may show up anytime. He knows where you live.
Sometimes we just have to take responsibility; and the hardest thing to do, is the right thing to do. There is a 50/50 chance you may be forgiven. However; you will have to rebuild trust; and your relationship will be changed from now on. You are a bonafide cheater.
It is likely you will try to hide it. The problem is, sometimes the truth comes to the surface without your help.
You can't blame it on the alcohol. You set yourself up with a convenient excuse. If you are that irresponsible with your body, you'll likely do it again.
My dear, I'm not totally unsympathetic to your feelings. I know you feel terrible. Do what is right, and see what comes of it.
I am totally serious about being tested.
I hope things work out, and you'll never do it again.
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A
male
reader, TrancedRhythmEar  +, writes (7 August 2013):
 Yes tell him.
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (7 August 2013):
 Ouch. The sex being crap, not knowing this guy, and the alcohol are all irrelevant. You cheated, it is what it is.
It depends, if you're ok with having a relationship built on lies...then don't tell him. If you are an honest person and love your boyfriend, then tell him the truth. Be a big girl and accept the consequences for your actions.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (7 August 2013):
 You suddenly felt guilt when your BF showed up? I think you have to tell him. I think YOU need to let him decide if this is OK or not in the relationship.
You weren't going to tell him? That says a LOT about you.
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A
male
reader, dougbcoll +, writes (7 August 2013):
 a relationship is built on trust. will he be able to trust you in the future?
a relationship is built on honesty. you need to be honest with him , and tell him the truth.
you feel guilty, because you are. you realize you may have thrown away the future with your boyfriend for a few minutes of self centered pleasure. you feel guilty because you realize you did wrong, and it will hurt him " your boyfriend".
"what do i do ??" you come clean, and tell your boyfriend from the deepest parts of your heart how you feel about him, and what happened. if you are remorseful about the cheating he will know. but you need to be honest to him. he does deserve that does he not.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2013): you need to ask yourself first, are you happy in your relationship? do you love your boyfriend? I am not trying to be judgmental, but from what you are saying you suddenly felt guilty about what you did last night only when your boyfriend came over with a bunch of flowers and food !!
Yes I think you need to tell him, be honest and let your boyfriend know about what happened last night !! If it was him who cheated on you, don't you want to know, right? I am sure he will forgive you, if it's been a one time flint, just be careful next time and don't get drunk !!
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (7 August 2013):
No offense, but he deserves to know who you are. If he accepts your "ways", great, if not then you're both free to find someone who will be more your type.
Cheating happens for a reason, and in this case it sounds like you're likely to do this again and that's something he deserves to know.
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