A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been married for a little over 3 years. We have been together since highschool, we were each others first in everything. I love him and think the world of him. about 5 years ago he cheated on...when he was really drunk and hanging out with guys I hate, when he told me, he cried and cried and with time I truly forgave him. However recently He told me he has went to 3 strip clubs and had 2 lapdances...(this was 4 years ago..but he just told me).. I am very much so against stripclubs, I morally think it's wrong. I really love him but I feel like trust is not there, and I don't know if I truly ever forgave him, I feel like I am not womenly enough for him. I don;t know if we should divorce or try to work things out..i don't know what to do. Oh and everytime we fight since we have been together (9 years total) I have threaten to break up everytim..I don't know why, I think I am just insecure ..I am sooo confused
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female
reader, flower girl  +, writes (20 October 2007):
 I might be wrong but as far as i was aware you can't actually touch these women that do lap dancing, so although i do see where you are coming from, he was young, out with a group of lads having a laugh.
I understand that you don't agree with them and for that reason alone he should have respected that and not have gone, but is it really all that much of a big deal?
If he has not done anything since do you really want to give up on your relationship over a couple of lap dances and maybe he was feeling that bad about doing it that is why he told you, so at least he has been honest with you even if it is years later.
Take care.xx.
A
male
reader, dapone 1 +, writes (20 October 2007):
 hi Anon
he is not cheating on you because of your woman hood, he cheating on you because he knows he can do it, and get away with it, and then can go back to little his wife, who is sat at home waiting for him and treat her like a door mat and no matter how many times he walks all over her wiping his feet, she will alway be there for him with open arms and a big kiss,every time he does these thing and gets away with it he will continue on this path, how can you love and forgive him for what he has done to you, the first time a man goes off with another woman,trust loyalty,love and honesty all go out of the window, because you have told him you will leave him, now he wont say how many other woman he has been with since, it is time you put yourself first,forget about him, he will always have another woman on stand by,for the sake of your health and sanity maybe it is time for you to move on from this relationship and find a better way of life for yourself you dont deserve to be treated like this, get yourself some one better.
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A
female
reader, livi +, writes (20 October 2007):
 Hey,
You are deffinatly womanly for him. I dont understant the point of strip clubs, your husband was im sure just being a bloke in a big group, following the crowd. It is unfair of him to make you feel like this when you have done nothing wrong.
I think you should tell him about your feelings about how he makes you think about yourself.
Maybe you needs soem time apart, not a divorce as such, but a few nights, to clear your head and think things through. But do u really want to throw what u have away over something as trivial as this?
If he is making you feel upset then you simply cant put up with it, you deserve happiness as much as him.
Good luck with everything, Im sorry you have felt hurt because of him. xxx
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (20 October 2007):
 His having been drunk at the time is no excuse at all. He cheated, period. And he sure regrets it, but he did it. He shouldn't have done it. I suppose he did this because he was curious what it was like to be with other women, but this is cheating all the same.
I find reasonable that you feel you can't trust him anymore. Trust is so easy to lose and so hard to restore. We are all fallible, and being forgiving is a good thing, but I'm afraid that maybe he has not given enough proof that you can really trust him. I don't mean that you should keep him on a leash; but I do believe that a marriage of three years should have been enough time for him to show you can rely on him.
On the other hand, you need to come to terms with this situation. Either you stay with him, or you don't. Don't keep threatening to dump him all the time. I don't know about other people, but I wouldn't put up with that.
I wonder if you were doing this at the time he cheated. It wouldn't be an excuse, but I'm sure it would contribute to it. Of course, the responsibility for cheating would be all his.
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