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female
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anonymous
writes: I broke up with my fiance about two weeks ago because he was emotionally abusive. The problem is, we are still in love with each other, and I can't get him out of my head! I know it takes time, but a part of me just wants to pick up my phone and call him (though I changed my number so he would stop bothering me). It's weird because however many people I talk to that don't like how he treated me, and no matter how many self-help books I read that prove I deserve better, it's hard to believe. What do I do when all I want is to run back to the one who made me miserable?
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female
reader, Nefertiti  +, writes (24 October 2007):
Hello,
I agree with the anonymous writer who posted an answer on 21st October, it is just 'One day at a time', no matter how corny that sounds. As much as you want to change the situation you can't. You also can't make someone be what you want them to be - you can't make him treat you nicely instead of being abusive towards you. He may have issues that he has never talked to you about which makes him the way he is. Only he can sort it out, by realising that his behaviour is wrong, and if he treats people like that then he ends up lonely. The problem is, you're lonely without him too. But which would you rather have - your self esteem and dignity, or someone in your ear making you believe you're a dreadful human being? You sound lovely so don't let anybody - least not him - tell you that you're nothing xx
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2007): I also broke up with my fiance last night and i am missing him. He kept pushing me to loose weight, to wear different clothes, to wax, to workout till i dropped, to be everything he wanted. I ended up feeling really crap about myself and had to leave. I know its going to be hard but i know that i did the right thing. This is the rest of our lives, pain goes away but living with someone abusive can kill your soul.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2007): DEAR, I UNDERSTAND COMPLETELY. I broke up with my fiance 4.5 months ago and at some point I was desperate to get back with him too. But my situation was harder maybe. I have no friends, I have no job, I've done studying, I just exist. (I'm trying to get a good chance to move to my own place) Imagine how difficult it was for me.
He was my only friend, he knew everything about me, apart from the abuse he was gorgeous,we could really have a good conversation and we connected in many ways. Now I'm completely alone with my crazy family and I spend the days 24/7 in my room execting a good job offer to move.
I suffered a great deal and was very tempted to get back with him but I kept myself strong You know how??? Reading about other females IN THIS website who supported me. Not my family, not my friends, but the people from this website. I believed and believed that if they were strong I could be strong too and forget him. This is a ONE DAY AT A TIME strugle. You will think about him and miss him every single day, but it doesn't mean you are not getting anywhere don't let your mind fool you. Nobody is going to say it but this something you have to fight against on a daily basis. If you feel like crying cry, it helps.
Another thing that helped me was trying to focus on his defects, trying to remember the way he humilliated me everytime (and that was a lot of times) I thought I missed him.
It's important for you to set goals for yourself too. As you set goals for yourself and start doing new things your brain will start recording new memories of you without him so the memories of him will be less and less important with time. You can start right now. Try to meet new people online or in person. Apply for your dream job. Start a new hobby, get a new recipe and start cooking. The important thing is that you have to keep your mind occupied, not to stop thinking about him necesarily but to make new memories.
I can't believe it but those things worked for me. Now I'm able to listen to a romantic song and think about him and not cry.
Good Luck
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2007): Hey,
You obviously liked this guy strongly enough to get engaged so of coarse ur not expected to immidiatly get over him. I'm sure its difficlut for you because you saw him alot when you were together, and to go from that to nothing is a huge change. You should do more things for you, go out with your mates and have a laugh, if he hurt you emotionally then you cant sit around missing him.
Im sure it will get easier over time, just take it day by day,
Good luk Xxxxx
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A
female
reader, cd206 +, writes (20 October 2007):
 You find ways to occupy yourself until the urge passes. You can look back on how miserable he made you now and tell yourself it wasn't *that* bad because as soon as you're out of a situation that hurt you you can look back on it through rose tinted glasses. You were miserable enough to leave and that must tell you something. Rely on your friends and family to keep you busy. Take up some hobbies, preferably ones where you'll meet new people (men and women) and don't jump headfirst into a new relationship just because it's better than being alone. Take time to work out what it is YOU want from your relationship and make a guy work for it a bit to prove that he's different. A problem with people who come out of abusive relationships is that they often spring headfirst into the next one because they don't take the time to learn from past errors of judgement. Don't let that happen to you.
CD
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2007): you said he was emotionally abusive. there is no way you should go back! people say that emotional abuse is nothing compared to physical but i believe it can hurt people just as much as physical abuse can, i should know. you need to think positive, it's going to be hard because you've only just broken up but i promise it will get better. you deserve someone who will treat you with respect and you will find someone like that! hang out with your friends to take your mind off things and maybe they can cheer you up. good luck :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2007): i know how your feeling right now,as im going through the same but we have to be strong otherwise they will continue to walk all over us just as before
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