A
female
age
41-50,
*harontodd
writes:Hi, I just need some advice I dont know what to do I cheated on my husband because I wasnt getting the affection I needed, but I knew from the begin that the guy I was cheating with was married and it would never be anymore than sex. Now Im just so sad and I dont know why? Is because I enjoyed the affection I recieved or becasue I dont know what to do? i love my husband and want things to work, i do have kids too. I also wanna say if anyone thinks cheating makes things better it makes it worse. The phone calls will diminsh once the guy or girl finds a new one. Besides that it hurts when it happens then your problem you began with still is there.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2009): I disagree with the one answer on here, you should tell your husband so he can choose whether he wishes to stay in the marriage given the new circumstances. If you dont' tell him and he finds out later on his own the situation will be far worse. If he does want to stay with you and if you want to stay with him, then get help.
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (22 November 2009):
G is right. I think it was the affection you carved, but maybe there's something else in your life you need. I think you should work throughif for your family's sake, and try to comminicate with your husband that you need to feel loved (even if that means couselling), but you also need to know that to be happy and fulfilled, you need to do things for yourself and not wait for someone else to do it for you. Go to your husband and talk to him, but also look at taing up a new hobby or something that will make you feel like yourself again.
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A
male
reader, softtouchmale2003 +, writes (22 November 2009):
 The first issue here is whether you want to keep your husband and it seems from what you've written -- you do.
The second issue is you're going through a guilt and shame phase. You cheated because you weren't getting the attention that you need; and your affair seems to have run its course, leaving you with zero attention (or possibly leading to that), and, guilt to boot.
The thing that you're dealing with the most is the lack of intimacy with your husband.
The only way to address that is to directly talk to him about that. Simply put, tell him outright you need attention in your marriage. Look him in the eye, and remind him that you married him because you love him; and you're not feeling that love back when you need it the most.
Try and reconnect with him emotionally and get him involved in your life as a person, not just as a mom or wife. He has to see that you need to be held, kissed, made love to, etc.
Sometimes people reach a certain level of complacency in their marriage, and the couple spends too little time together. This is probably one of the other issues aside from the neglect you're experiencing because your husband's ignoring you.
Look him in the eye, make time for each other, and spend time doing things together as a couple. Pick projects, find things that you can do together that kindle the passion and bring you closer together.
Don't feel ashamed to initiate affection, sex whatever it is that you crave. If you wait for him to read your mind, he may never read the signals right.
If none of this works, try marriage counseling.
As for the affairs, if you treat them as only sexual in nature, then that's what you're getting. Emotionless sex.
The entire rubric of extra-marital relationships is daunting, and it seems you understand the dilemma here. You're engaging in behavior that society doesn't condone. Its a secret thing, and because of it, and the limited duration, its loveless and lonely aside from the sex.
Having some companionship is fine, but usually that's reserved for singles and people who are separated but do not want any long term prospects.
You on the other hand have a long term relationship, its called a marriage. And you have to remind your husband of that. He has to pay a little more attention to your needs and not ignore them as he's done.
Good luck though. I hope things do work out for you. I do not suggest affairs, and usually they are best avoided except in the most extreme circumstances (none of which are presented here).
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2009): It seems like you have found the answer to your own question dear, by cheating on your husband it seems like you have added problems onto the problems you already had.
First thing to do is make sure that it is definately over with the guy on the side if you want your marriage to work then talk to your husband tell him your concerns (dont mention the adultery) and seek marriage councilling,
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