A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am a 29 years old man. I have a girlfriend who is living in a long distance with me. We used to live together and had a intimate relationship. Since she has left there was some problem between us. Basically it seemed that problem was only my side. I started to feel that she is neglecting me and not giving much time. I told her about this but her reply was: I have to take care of myself and she can do nothing about this. Then I started feeling lonely and hurt and started looking around. There was one girl, my girlfriend's friend with whom I was in touch. On weekend we had a chance to spend time together and drink. There was nothing on my mind and i was thinking everything will go smooth. But we ended up having sex that night. Next morning I didn't feel too bad since I thought that since my girlfriend do not care about my feelings why should I? therefore next night also we had a sex. But once I came back home and started thinking i felt extremely bad about it and deep sense of remorse. I called upon the girl with whom I had a sex and discussed about the situation and told her keep this secret. She was still looking to have sex with me. But once i explained the gravity of consequences she also felt deeply bad. Now I am feeling very bad for myself and deep sense fo remorse and regret. I do not want to loose my girlfriend because of this reason and I want to forget what happened and never ever try to do something on her back.How to come over this feeling and again have a healthy relationship with my girlfriend?
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female
reader, VSAddict  +, writes (14 July 2011):
 If she doesn't care about the decisions you have to make in your relationship, then you shouldn't be with her. You're chasing her and she's going to keep running. So find someone who's open and willing to discuss anything with you.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionFew updates to my situation:
I would like to get married with my GF she is back in India now. I have discussed with her about marriage but her answers are never clear. She has clearly said that she does not want to come back to the same place where I am. I explained her family is important for me so I want to plan things but she says work is important for her and she can live with me or without me its just that she will be more happy if she lives with me. She does not want to plan where should we go and how should we do it together. another thing is that she used to have male friend back home (a close one) I didn't pay so much attention in the begining but as time went i told her that i feel bad that she talks with him very often (i had her email password and i checked stored chat conversation). She replied that she was like that since the begining and probably i didn know her much now I Know her and i can decided. This guy is of her field and he did his masters from canada and probably he will go back again for PhD. My girlfreind once said that she wants to go to Canada and this just makes me more hurt. She doesnot discuss but only tells her opinion. Everytime i try to get things out of her she says i can decide. It really hurts me. I do not want to cheat her and I want to be happy and with her. She never sends me email messages or never calls on my phone. It is only me who is calling. I am totally confused and frustrated. I somehow being handicapped with my life. :(((((
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A
male
reader, Odds +, writes (14 July 2011):
 Be honest with her. Tell her you cheated, and see if she's willing to work things out. Being forgiven always feels good; at the same time, knowing we aren't lying to anyone feels good too. The most contented feeling you can get from a relationship is love you know you deserve; one of the worst is love you know you don't deserve.
If she stays with you, or if you end up with another girl in the future, take the time to try to work out exactly what you're doing for each other in the relationship. Have the courage to speak up about what you want, and the generosity to offer to improve yourself in exchange for her own investment in your happiness. Build something together, rather than just mutually taking from each other.
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A
female
reader, VSAddict +, writes (13 July 2011):
Since you slept with someone else, your relationship isn't going to be healthy. She won't be able to trust you and she'll hate you even more the longer you keep this from her. Even though you felt neglected you should have just waited for your girlfriend. Sometimes we have to do things for ourselves before we can do anything else and this was the case for your girlfriend. Understand that she deserves time to help herself. Tell your girlfriend and see what happens even though you probably already know.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2011): you cannot have a "normal" relationship with your gf. You had sex with her friend. do you think her friend will keep her big mouth shut?????
Your gf is going to be devastated when she finds out you cheated on her.
LoveGirl
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A
female
reader, Eyespy17 +, writes (13 July 2011):
Try to talk to your girlfriend first about why she is neglecting you. You said she said she has to "look out for herself". It sounds like she is bitter or resentful about your distance. Did you choose to move away from her? Are you planning to move back?
If possible, I would also plan a visit and then have a very frank conversation about your future. You don't need to bring up the cheating right away but tell her you are tempted to look for love/affection elsewhere but you want it from her.
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