A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Am I the one in the wrong? So, I dated this guy who was very, very controlling. I wasn't allowed to wear make up to school, low-cut shirts, or talk to other guys to cushion his extreme trust issues. We broke up nearly two months ago but for the first month after we were no longer 'together' we still acted exactly the same and I stayed in my room being sad and depressed over him. We talked all day every day. I had a complete nervous breakdown and decided to say f--- this, I'm getting my old life back before you ruined it. I started talking to old friends again and that is going swimmingly (though Id o complain about him too much to them...) but I was trying to keep my friendship with my ex alive as well. It worked for about two weeks or so. Then all of the sudden we were talking and I said I was going to hang out with my friend (who he absolutely hates) and he got angry, saying he had asked me if I could hang out every day for the past week. I told him it just isn't that simple, he lives an hour away. I just can't zip over to his house like I can with friends who live closer. He went completely crazy and I haven't spoken a word to him in two days.Out of spite, when I was hanging out with my friend I went out, got bright red hair dye and dyed my hair. I've had my hair strange colors in the past, but he hates them. He thought dying my hair was 'stupid'. So, I picked out his least favorite color and dyed it that in a way to show him 'you cannot control me'. I don't think he knows yet though, and I'm scared to see his reaction.I've told him before that I don't know if we can be friends, but he hardly has any and I can't just leave him hanging. He can be a sweet guy but I have so much resentment for him because of how awful,controlling, and insensitive he can be.I just can't understand him. He says he wants me, that I was the perfect girlfriend for him but now isn't the right time, then he runs off to his other ex and starts hanging around her again. All in this process constantly telling me about girls he thinks are hot, destroying my self-esteem with half-compliments that are really insults. It makes me sick.I just don't know what to do here. Part of me says drop him completely and forget he ever existed, and part of me thinks I can have both him and my happiness.Help?
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for the support. I'm going to try and keep myself away from him.
And chigirl, yea, I figured I'd do the thing that would piss him off the most haha. It wasn't right on the spot though. It took me about a month to gain the courage to reclaim my life. But I'm me again (:
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (13 July 2011):
 Hahahahah! You go girl! I love that you dyed your hair red and started claiming back your old life, right on the spot! After a break-up I also typically do something to signify entering a new "era" by dying or cutting my hair, so it's funny to read you did the extreme version, and picked the colour he hates, hahaha! That's amazing, Im impressed. Drop him completely. He said a lot of crap to you. Like you being the perfect girl for him when he wants to change who you are completely. He wants a girl dressed in a burka who sits at home all day, and that's NOT you. Ditch the loser. He's got no friends for a reason, and he only has himself to blame for that.Now: Go rock that red hair!
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2011): You aren't wrong at all. Delete him out of your contacts and never speak to him again. People like that don't change unless they get a wake up call. Even after don't talk to him again. He is overly jealous and not a good boyfriend.
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A
female
reader, banditsmom1124 +, writes (13 July 2011):
 RUN AWAY AS FAST AS YOU CAN!!! this guy is abusive and its just gonna get worse.
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A
female
reader, VSAddict +, writes (13 July 2011):
 Ok when he started telling you what you can and can't wear that's when you should've left him. He's a jerk and he's not going to change. Don't be with someone that controlling and he's still trying to control you even though you're not together. That's horrible and a giant red flag. Leave the douche. If he wants respect and a friend, then he needs to change his attitude. You deserve to do and be what you want and he can't change that. Don't let him intimidate you. Let him apologize but until then I think you should cut contact and let him be the one to say sorry and maybe he'll learn a lesson on how not to treat people. Hope I helped.
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