A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:i dont know how to make my boyfriend change! we have been dating for a year now and...well he cheated on me like 9 months into it and i forgave him because of the situation its a long story. but my current problem is he doesn't treat me well and i know that he can.. it's his friends. he hangs out witht them and drinks and when he drinks he gets snappy with me and will sometimes call me names. he doesnt stand up for me when his friends call me names. he ditches me to hangout with his friend...but thats just in front of his friends. i know that he loves me he tells me everyday..and hes amazing when he's with me..just not his friens! i dont know what to say to him that wont make him mad or ruin our relationship because i love him. help!? :(
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male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (6 November 2011):
Rule 1 one Men - We don't change. Ever.
We may adapt when it suits is, but we don't change. Your boyfriend will never change. Walk away now, or he'll destroy you.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (6 November 2011):
 let's pretend your boyfriend can't speak..
you said you know he loves you and he tells you every day.
my boyfriend loves me and he never tells me and yet I know I am more loved by this man than any other man in the world EVER. my last husband who told me over and over and over he loved me... didn't.
how do I know my boyfriend loves me? by his behavior.
he chooses me over his friends. friends that have disrespected me are reduced to acquaintances or cut out of his life all together.
words are just words... actions are what's critical.
A man that chooses to be with friends that mistreat his partner and allows it is making a very loud statement. YOU ARE NOT AS IMPORTANT TO ME AS THEY ARE!
Listen to him.
what behavior does your boyfriend have that tells you he loves you...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2011): Your boyfriend is just as mean as his friends are. You can't change that. A good boyfriend is one who treats you well always, even in front of his friends. He's immature and has already cheated on you once -- he's probably already been cheating again. I say, dump this loser and find someone worth your time. He certainly isn't.
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A
female
reader, kendra30752richardz +, writes (6 November 2011):
 Wow! It sounds like he has no respect for you what so ever! I've had past relationships like this and I will be the first to tell you, you truly cannot change a person. He's already shown no respect for you, he's belittled you and hurt you, cheated on you. That's bad! Have you stood up for yourself yet? If not, what's next abuse? It happens and I've been there. It seems like when he cheated and you took him back he (like many men) decided you're his play thing, disposable, something he can throw around and you'll still be there in the end. Stand up! Be a strong female (even if it's scary as hell at first). I used to back down from this type of treatment and I eventually stood up for myself and now, there's not a chance in hell a man would ever belittle, hit or cheat on me. The good part is, through all of it I ended up with a man who is great to me! The sooner you end things with this loser (sorry, but anyone who thinks so little of you is a loser) the sooner you'll be on your way to discovering real men, those who respect women. It doesn't matter if he's nice without his friends. Here's my thinking: if you can't treat me good 100% of the time, then you can't treat me badly either. You simply can't have me! It's either you love me no matter who's around or you lose me. You're worth more. I agree with pinktopaz. If he can't stand up for you then he needs to grow a pair! My partner would NEVER sit by and let someone belittle me, much less belittle me himself! He'd flip a switch!I vote ditch him!
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (6 November 2011):
Rule#1, you can't change your boyfriend.
His friends may have some influence on him but when it all comes down to it he CHOOSES to hang out with them. They don't force him to drink or to treat you like crap when they are around. Ever heard of "birds of a feather flock together"? What it comes down to is he's really not any better than his friends, he's on the same level that they are. If he can't stick up for you, then he really needs to grow a pair--if he was a man, he wouldn't let his friends talk crap about his girl. Even if you were able to convince him to ditch his friends, he would resent you and eventually hang out with them again and it would probably be worse.
Your boyfriend is immature and has growing up to do, that will have to come with time when he's ready, not by you making him. Unfortunately, he doesn't treat you right and you recognize that but you need to find the strength within yourself to move on because quite frankly, he doesn't love you the same way you love him. Would you ever let your friends call him names or treat him the way he treats you? Judging by your post I would guess not--but in the end, it's time to move on.
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