Caught my husband cheating again; not sure where to go from here

A female age 41-50, anonymous writes:

I have been married 12 years. About 3 years ago I found out that me husband was cheating on me. I found out through the text messages and phone calls being made from his phone. I guess there were signs that made me believe that this was going on so I did not overlook them and I started checking his phone and sure enough I was correct. My husband and I discussed the situation and he assured me that it was nothing that I was doing he just felt like he needed to change his circle because he was hanging with the wrong crowd. I found myself forgiving him and moving on with our marriage. Although I wanted to go to counseling, my husband did not so of course we did not seek professional help. My husband and I have a lot of fun together. We travel, we go out all the time, we have plenty of great sex, we are financially stable but for some reason this same incident has happened again. This time he had purchased an outside phone that I knew nothing about and had a list full of females programmed in it. It was meant for me to find out this time because I did not go looking for it, it came to me. He messed up and left the phone in the armrest of the car. I went to the store that morning and was looking in the armrest to put lotion on my hands and it was there waiting for me. This time it has really taken a toll on me because I had started to trust him again. My husband occassionally hangs out with his friends and sometimes stay out later than he should be but because I trusted him so much sometimes I didn"t even say anything about what time he came in (and yes that is my fault because I should have). This time it has really dampered me because I feel belittled, betrayed and I am starting to feel as if he thinks that I am weak and he can do whatever all he have to say is I'm sorry and I will be happy again. That is not the case I am completely fed up! I have put so many things that I want to accomplish on hold for this man until I have forgotten about who I really am and where I want to be. I truly love him and I know that he loves me. One part of me want to leave and another part of me want to stay although I do not trust him. What good will that do and how could that possibly be any kind of marriage? The hardest part is getting out there being the woman that I know I can be because I have never had to be independent. It also kills me to think of how this is going to affect our 12 year old daughter. The cheating signs has always been there because its like he has always made comments or gestures about me cheating when I know that I'm not (I have never cheated). My mother always told me that when someone is always accussing you of cheating its because they are the one doing the cheating. The cheating is not something that I think just started, I think this has been an ongoing thing for years. I continue to pray that God show me the signs and lead me in the right directions but I am afraid that I am overlooking what God is trying to show me. What do you think? Help!

View related questions: text

Reply to this Question

Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question!

A female reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2010):

1 2 3 4 5

<-- Rate this answer

A male reader, baddogbj  +, writes (20 February 2010):

1 2 3 4 5

<-- Rate this answer

A female reader, Angzw  +, writes (19 February 2010):

1 2 3 4 5

<-- Rate this answer

A female reader, Angzw  +, writes (19 February 2010):

1 2 3 4 5

<-- Rate this answer

A female reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2010):

1 2 3 4 5

<-- Rate this answer

A reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2010):

1 2 3 4 5

<-- Rate this answer

A female reader, lostlove76  +, writes (19 February 2010):

1 2 3 4 5

<-- Rate this answer

A reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2010):

1 2 3 4 5

<-- Rate this answer

A female reader, Angzw  +, writes (19 February 2010):

1 2 3 4 5

<-- Rate this answer