A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I are planning to have sex for the first time this weekend. We have two options, either in the back seat of my car or in my room while my sister is home. Which do you think would be a little better? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (23 September 2011):
 Yes, 18 days isn't really very much time, and I notice you didn't mention how old he was.
Well, kiddo, we just worry about some of the posters who come on here and ask, "I'm 17 and I'm going to meet my boyfriend who I met online for the very first time and he wants to have sex right away." It makes us worry because we know that there are sexual predators out there looking for naive and trusting teenaged girls, hoping to convince them that they are 23 and nice, when in fact they are much much older and seriously creepy guys who cannot have a regular relationship with a regular woman. I hope that's not the case for you.
Ever watch "To Catch a Predator"? VERY eye-opening stuff.
Anyway, if you are so ready and so prepared for this you wouldn't need to ask such an awkward question. And the people who were once your age and who know what it feels like also know that the choices you offered up as a suitable first location for your losing your virginity aren't really good ones. One you run the risk of being arrested for public indecency, not to mention the sheer awkwardness; the other involves you setting up your sister either to lie for you or possible spy on you. Both are poor choices.
So you ask your question here and seriously, what did you expect to hear? "Oh the CAR, no question, that's so GREAT!" Um, really? Or, "Right under your curious sister's nose! In the next room! Awesome!"
I didn't wait until my marriage at age 30+ to stay a virgin but I did wait until I had a solid and loving relationship with a guy and this was several years older than you are now. A girlfriend of mine lost her virginity in a closet in a fraternity. NOT GOOD. I had a chance when I was in my mid-teens to lose mine, I am so glad I didn't then, it was WAY too soon, only I didn't realize how ill-prepared I was at the time.
I think you'll look back on this question years from now and wonder why you didn't wait until you were really ready. You aren't, if you are posting such an odd question here, is what I'm trying to say.
But assuming you are of legal age in your area, you are entitled to make your own decision in this regard. Just try to work out all the possible consequences, and there are MANY that you may not have thought of yet.
So good luck to you.
A
female
reader, calamari  +, writes (23 September 2011):
 why force it to happen when you can wait until the perfect moment?
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (23 September 2011):
 I agree with CindyCares.
I do not have an issue at all with premarital sex, older teenage sex or multiple partners (both in a group or in succession)
WHAT I have a problem with here is that your OPTIONS indicate that the timing is just not right...
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (23 September 2011):
 Oh I don't believe in virginity till marriage either.
But I do believe in making love somewhere safe and private , without risking of being caught by a patrolling policeman or having to flaunt my sexuality under a family member's nose.
As for having spent a lot of time in person with yr bf, well, that's arguable. 3 days a month for, what , 6 months ? make all of 18 days ....
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI personally don't believe in the whole "virgin til marriage" thing. that's just a personal belief. although you say he is currently my boyfriend and think he may not later on become my husband, aren't all men that women date their "boyfriend" at some point in time? and I have spent a lot of time with him in person. We see each other at least once a month for 3 or so days at a time. I think asking others was a bad idea. I'll just deicde for myself what I'm going to do. thank you all for taking the time to answer this question, tho. Highly appreciated.
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (22 September 2011):
Tell us about your boyfriend. How much time have you two spent together in person?
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2011): I don't know who you are little sister, but whatever you decide, PLEASE DON'T HAVE SEX WITH THIS GUY. It is a road I spare you you to tread. BELIEVE ME, you'll find nothing at the end but shame, regret, humiliation & personal disgrace. I know that despite having a reasoning nature, too often, we allow hormones to make decisions for us so if there is any ounce ofmental judgement left in you, PLEASE hear me out.
There is a man out there who is going to become your HUSBAND & that man is NOT this current boyfriend of yours. Why? Because he cannot & will not marry you NOW if he is honest with you. I rather you offer your womanly virtue FRESHLY to your husband because he deserves it from you.
Why does a husband deserves your virginity? Because he has sworn an oath to honor & cherish you as his wife FOR LIFE. He is bound by his word to be true to you in heart & mind by enjoying sex only with you & no other woman, take care of you when you get pregnant as a result, help you raise your children, & meet all your needs as a woman for the rest of his life. Basically a husband is a man who is WILLING & ABLE to sacrifice his single life for a life of companionship with you. That is what a husband is, a man who DESIRES to love you in the goodtimes & has the WILL to still love you through the bad times.
Now if that is what a husband offers, what then does a boyfriend have to offer to you as a woman?NOTHING. A Boyfriend is just as the name suggests, BOYfriend. He is not man enough to approach your father to ask him for your hand. He's not man enough to be able to provide a house so he has to make you choose between a car & a bedroom. He is not man enough to not use a condom because he cannot handle the responsibility of becoming a father. MOST IMPORTANTLY, he is not man enough to respect you as a woman.
Why? because when you allow him to uncover your nakedness, you give it with complete trust because your YOUR WHOLE BEING is exposed to him. He is literally in the position to hurt you very deeply because of this KNOWLEDGE he has taken from you. A boyfriend CANNOT be trusted with such knowledge but only a husband. Why? Because a husband replaces this knowledge with a ring in your finger & thus preserves your dignity as a woman by protecting this knowledge in the sanctity of marriage.
To confirm, you can go & ask close friends & women you know that lost their virginity by choice & if they are honest they'll all tell you that they felt that something was 'taken' away from them. Why would you want to allow a man who is not bound by any oath whatsoever to honor & cherish you expose you like that?
In the end my dear, the CHOICE is yours.
If you honestly believe in your heart that there's no decent man out there who is waiting for an innocent woman like you to come into their life so they can be proud & raise you higher in their hearts for being paitent enough all these years to be virtuos only for them, then what's the point of remaining special for a man right?
But if you desire to have children, a home & a man who will give all his loyalty, love & affection to you & continue to stand beside you when you're discouraged & in front of you when you're afraid or continue to be with you no matter what, then you know what you must do. BE PATIENT& WAIT.
If you don't then what is most likely to happen is you'll be forever haunted by the DEMON OF REJECTION. You will eventually discover that decent men do exist but there will always be a nagging fear of rejection inside that they will not accept you since you're not a virgin. So you will settle for a guy who has once apon a time taken some girls virtue, a girl who was once innocent like you. Thus everything comes full circle.
Please don't be upset. It is your right to be informed fully before you make a big decision like offering your virginity to a man. All that was said above is given in love by the one who cares. PLEASE CHOOSE WISELY. What was needed to be said was said.
ONLY YOU KNOW WHICH WILL GIVE YOU TRUE HAPPINESS.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (22 September 2011):
Well if sis is there precisely with the function of watching over you and your bf, probably she is supposed to make sure that what you want to do is not going to happen.
How are you going to get her off your back ? Are you sure she would not rat on you ?
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female
reader, Battista  +, writes (22 September 2011):
So with your sister there to watch over you and your boyfriend, you think if the pair of you sneak off on your own for some time she isn't going to get suspicious and come and see what you are up to? I would imagine the reason she is there to watch over you is precisely to prevent this sort of thing going on.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionMy boyfriend is coming over for 4 days since we currently are in a long distance relationship. & with the circumstances, my sister is there to watch over he & I. I'm not watching over her. She's 15 years old, I hope you guys didn't think she was lik 7 or something.
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A
male
reader, screwedup  +, writes (22 September 2011):
If its your first time it could get messy so the car isnt the best place also the first is weird enough so you don't want to worry about positions or getting comfortable in a car
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2011): I vote for neither, in other words NO.
You're too young to make this huge mistake. Years from now when you meet the 'real guy' for your life you will majorly regret giving away something like your virginity to someone who probably won't be in your life. You can never ever take that back. Believe me, I've lived that life. And sorry ever since, my husband deserved that special moment with me, not some stupid jerk I thought loved me.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (21 September 2011):
neither.... personally
a car does not give you a lot of room and it's not a good place in general..
and a bed while your little sister is home and my over hear you... also not good.
why is this weekend the critical time to do this?
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (21 September 2011):
 Have you ever had sex before? Neither of you are virgins? Sex in a car is for the more advanced, than first timers. But, if neither of you are virgins, it could be a very fun place to have a first time with each other.
I agree that if your sister is in the house with you, and you are somewhat in charge of her as well, it is a bad idea to do it then. You'll want a time when both you and your boyfriend have undivided attention to give each other.
Maybe wait for a better time? Oh, and if either of you are a virgin, wait until you have a bed available at a better time. Always pick a bed for the first timers, it makes it a lot less nerve wrecking.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (21 September 2011):
Ah, so you're responsible for your sister while she's in the house with you? Then it's really a bad idea to put the burden of keeping your obvious activities secret from your parents. It makes her a co-conspirator and that's really unfair. Not to mention what kind of effect this may have on her.
The car is really a bad choice for the first time, I think. It's uncomfortable and in public and you have no idea what kind of mess you'll be making.
I think it's better to wait until you can have private time with him in a bed. The two options you presented are a bit too public and you will not be able to relax which will interfere with the mood.
Be careful, many many teenagers write in asking "am I pregnant?" after having sex for the first time. It's best to be very careful and thoughtful about your first time.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (21 September 2011):
Neither. The car is good as a default option, but not for your first time that possibly should be comfortable, memorable and romantic.
At your place with your sister in...I don't know you, but I would have been super tense. Little sisters have this way to pop up all of a sudden yelling : " Hey, (Insert name )! Where the heck did you put the hair dryer ?? I need it NOW ! "
You need time, privacy and the certainty you won't be interrupted.
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A
female
reader, Battista +, writes (21 September 2011):
Thanks for the update OP
Here are my feelings on the matter. I definitely agree with most of the posters here who vote against the car option.
I would also say, however, that if you and your sister are left alone together in the house, I am guessing that your parents are trusting you two to look after each other and act responsibly. This would apply to you more as the slightly older one. I feel that, by going off and having sex with your bf in this situation, you are abrogating your responsibilities and not repaying the trust which your parents must have placed in you by leaving you in the house together. In this sense I really don't think you should be trying to have sex this weekend, but wait until you are completely alone in the house, or save up for a hotel, etc.
Of course this is just my opinion. But as others have said, your first time should be special, and not a case of sneaking around and getting it over with before you get disturbed. It's much better to have nice relaxing surroundings, you will enjoy it so much more.
Good luck in whatever you decide to do!
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionshe's younger than I am by a couple years.
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female
reader, Battista +, writes (21 September 2011):
If there is any risk whatsoever that your sister could walk in on you then I would strongly recommend you don't do it with her around/in the house. Is your sister older or younger than you?
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThis has actually really helped. I must inform you all that I have been with him for a little over a year. I am very much in love with him and wouldn't be taking this HUGE step if I wasn't. Yes my sister will be home but she doesn't particularly enjoy being around us mainly cuz she she says she feels like the 3rd wheel. Of course, I will be using protection - you wouldn't even think of having sex without it until I am MUCH older. Thank you all though (:
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female
reader, Ciar +, writes (21 September 2011):
 Neither. I realise that your resources are limited, but both options are risky and tacky.
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male
reader, wiseoldman +, writes (21 September 2011):
You only get one first time, and you will remember that for better of worse all the rest of your life. For your own sake try to arrange things so that you can look back on it fondly and without regret. So- if you can, get a hotel room- even if you only spend an afternoon there it's far better than the back of a car or being worried about being interrupted by your sister or parents at home. Internet rates can be very inexpensive for a pretty good room, and if you haven't a credit card perhaps an older trusted friend who has one could book it for you in return for the cash. Good luck.
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female
reader, person12345 +, writes (21 September 2011):
 I lost mine in a car and I REALLY wish it had been a bed. Do it in a bed, but wait until your sister is gone unless your house is really soundproof and you can lock your door.
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (21 September 2011):
Are you babysitting your sister, or is she older than you are?
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female
reader, bronniedavis +, writes (21 September 2011):
 Bed ! Have you been with thus guy long ? And is this your first ever time ?? Remember sex is a really big thing, its full of emotions that can't even be explained, its an act of total giving to one another and if treated like nothing will be really hard to overcome in the long run, and like they say.. Once its gone, its gone ! Take it from me, sex is one hell of a thing to have to regret :) so make sure no matter where you're doing it, its right and you're ready, not rushing into things just because ' sex is the next stage' make sure you're in love and hopefully when you have a daughter one day who will need to be taught these things, you'll really be able to help her understand just how special it is and give her advise from your experiences :)! And obviously that you're being safe :D ;) bUt id vote bed because there's more comfort and room to move about and get comfortable, its a tad mote romantic for your first time ! XxBest of luck, and relax :) just make sure its right :D
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female
reader, nana.g +, writes (21 September 2011):
 Your first time is such a special moment in any girls life. . So it should be special, i dont the back seat of a car says special. . In my opinion if he truly cares for you he should plan something special. . A night you never will forget. . Just what i think. Have fun and good luck . . Don forget to use protection :)
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