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female
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*itseclipse
writes: I am 23 years old and have been with my fiance for 6 years. I have seriously attracted to my doctor. My doctor is 33 years old and is married. He also have two kids with his wife. I can't stop thinking about him. I think about him at work, school, in bed etc. He alway seem to notice me. He always comments on my hair, pants etc. Once we made eye contact for a few seconds. What should I do?
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female
reader, melvaughn  +, writes (2 February 2011):
I find this thread very amusing but I came across an article the other day on transference which is what everyone here is experiencing. Here is a response from a doctor to a similar question from a woman in love with her obgyn. (Cut and pasted below)"As you read in my articles, the term transference means a shift onto another person of feelings, desires, and ways of relating formerly experienced in connection with someone in the subject's past, often, but not always, a parent. In other words, transference is a phenomenon which involves projecting or displacing unresolved conflicts, dependencies, and aggressions onto a substitute--someone in your present adult life--as if that person were someone in your past. Now, being aware of the transference is an important part of doing psychotherapy, because by noticing and analyzing the transference, the therapist can gain immediate access and valuable insight into the rhythms and necessities of the patient's emotional life. Let me give a brief example: suppose I believe that I am treating a patient of mine with the kindness and compassion typical of my work, but that person complains to me that I seem cold, mean, and emotionally stingy. Now first I must look carefully at my own feelings toward the patient to see if perhaps there is some stinginess there. If I look carefully and do not find any, then I must assume that the patient is not really seeing me, but displacing on to me feelings that he or she had about a mean and stingy parent or other important early figure. Once I know this, I can begin to explore more deeply the adjustment that the patient has made to having been raised by a mean, emotionally stingy parent. I have chosen a simple case, but in practice things are not usually so clear cut. That is because all of our relations with others inevitably contain at least something of the transference. In other words, our emotional attitudes towards others are based, at least in part, on our emotional experiences with early caregivers, and we cannot help treating others, at least in part, as if they really were those early caregivers. So, although psychologists like to talk about the patient's transference, better practitioners also become aware of their own transference onto the patient of their own early emotional needs, fears, desires, and other feelings. I point this out so that you will understand that the transference is a universal part of human interaction, not just something that happens to therapy patients. We focus on it in therapy, because a psychotherapist needs to understand the needs, fears, desires, and other feelings of the patient in order to do the best work, and examining the transference is a remarkably good way to collect information about this, but some transference takes place in all relationships to one extent or another. That said, certain kinds of relationships are particularly favorable for the strong emergence of displaced feelings that we call transference. These are relationships in which one person is more in the role of parent or caregiver, while the other is more in the position of child or recipient of care. For example, a young man of twenty when meeting a man old enough to be his father probably already begins to "see" that man as his father, unconsciously probably, and so conditions are ripe for the young man to begin projecting attitudes about his father on to the older man. If the older man really is in the position of caregiver, then conditions are even riper. So, for example, it is normal for a student to transfer feelings for a parent onto the person of an older teacher. Not only is the teacher older like a parent, which favors the emergence of transference material, but the teacher also is in the position of "caregiver," being the experienced one who, like a parent, is doing the teaching and making allowances for the inexperience of the student. If you get the flavor of this, you will understand that your relationship with your ob-gyn is classically ripe for a strong transference. Your doctor is older (like a parent), and takes care of you (like a parent). In that sense the relationship is very much one-sided since you do not take care of him (again, like a child with her father). Further, although he wears clothes when you are together, you are often, like a child, undressed in his presence, and, like a parent he sees, touches, and cares for your body intimately. Beyond this, your doctor is an expert and you go to him for help and advice just as a child approaches a parent for help. In short, the very structure of the doctor-patient relationship tends, by its very nature, to infantilize the patient, and so a noticeable transference often emerges in that kind of situation. If we were doing therapy now, I would assume that your feelings for your doctor probably point to old feelings for your father, and I might begin to explore that with you by saying, for example, "Tell me about your father. What was he like?" Now, we aren't doing therapy, but you might like to sit down with a pencil and paper, write on the top, "What Was My Father Like?" and see where that takes you...http://askdrrobert.dr-robert.com/gynecologist.htmlI have never had this experience before. Any male doctor I've seen has been way too old. The closest I came was when I had my wisdom teeth pulled. The male surgeon gave me such strong drugs that I woke up in the middle of the surgery to the sound of his voice. (Of course I was drugged and 'out of it') and I think he had this hand on my arm. I remember just loving the sound of his voice and thinking he was the best doctor in the entire world, and even after waking up, I was still thinking about him.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2011): It is great to know that I am not alone on this whole doctor infatuation! I'm 22 and recently had sugery and am hopelessly attracted to my surgeon/consultant. And I feel fucking ridiculous because of it, the man is probably at least 20 years my senior and married probably with children that are older than myself! Yet I cannot get him out of my head, I too, am in a very happy, loving and steady two year relationship, and my partner knows I fancy this consultant, but thinks it's more comical than anything. I have only been in his company a few times but in this time, I've totally fallen for him, obviously he's kind and caring (as all doctors should be)and I don't want to delude myself into thinking it's something more than it actually is, but I need to vent my desperation somewhere before my head explodes. All he did was examine me ever so gently (he kind of stroked my hair, as he was moving it), asked many questions about my life (I'm a performer, so he asked me questions about that, out of interest), upon close inspection he noticed a very tiny birth mark I have above my lip, that nobody ever notices and made a comment or two on a tattoo I have on my back. All he was doing was being nice and friendly and showing interest in my life,which professionals like him do, I know that, but that doesn't stop me thinking about him all the time, not being able to sleep for it (I've literally lain awake for hours at night thinking about him), and dreaming about him, I'm obsessed and I hate it, I need to get out of this rut because I know nothing will happen, but I just can't, I feel like I'm going insane! His practice is about an hours' drive from my homeplace, so I only ever see him when I have an appointment, which is rare, my next appointment may be my last, sometimes I even feel like injuring myself, just to see him again, that's insanity to me, anyone else feel like their head is just going to explode out of pure helplessness? I'm not trying to delude myself and read further into it, but I just need to know is there anybody that can give me some good advice, decent advice as to how to get him out of my goddamned head! I wish there was some way I could just flush this all out of my brain!
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2010): My doctor saved my life, and I dream about him romantically. He doesn't show any interest in me, and I hide how I feel about him so well, he doesn't know I feel that way at all. I would never jeopardize his work, so I will never act upon my attraction, but in my mind, I safely allow myself to care about him, and dream of him. Bittersweet.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2010): Don't do anything. All men look at other women and doctors see many patients in the space of a day. The man is married with children. Doesn't that tell you something? You are young and there are many single young men out there for you to meet. Concentrate on meeting one of them and leave married people alone. How would you feel if you were his wife and a girl ten years younger was considering trying to go further with him? It is is quite normal to fall in love with your doctor, as doctors come across as caring interested men, but they are caring and interested to all their other female patients as well. That is their job. Move ahead with your life. Join clubs that interest you and perhaps you will meet young men with similar interests. Good Luck.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 September 2010): What a great thread! Universal and of all times. LOL.
I am deeply in love/crush with my parent's doctor. I am in my twenties and married wo kids while he is in his early thirties and unmarried. I love my husband and my family life and do not want to get with him. Neither do I think that he is in love with me. But I sure have a feeling that he likes me may be for my personality and individuality as I have seen SURPRISE, INTEREST and some curiosity in his eyes.
I love him and admire him simply for the person he is. He is definitely nice and adorable but he has never come off his stance as a doctor while also lending a very helpful hand for me. And that made me love him more.
He has given me permission to distub me at any time for any help that I may need and has also given me his personal number so that I could even text him. May be he does that to every patient who comes forward. I don't know. He has helped me lot outside of his realm may be out of kindness and genuine friendliness. But all the more confusing, he has never shown any interest in friendship. But he is very friendly and loving when met alone, serious and professional in office hours with his colleagues.
I am no doctor and am not a good suitor for him even if I weren't married. I have no right to long for a life with him. He is too much in a different world for me. Albeit, if you ask me don't I love to let him know that I love him. I would. With all my heart I would run in to his arms and tell him I am in love. Yet, I know that the moment he knows my emotions he would take a backward step as he is too much of a gentleman to have an affair with a married woman. Who would want to know a patient's relative's craziness who is already taken by somebody else?
I will always miss him when he is gone.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2010): I, too, am in love with my surgeon.He is 20 yrs. my senior,I am 53.
I have been divorced for 20 yrs, and have never felt loved.My ex never had the capacity to love me.
I love my doctor for everything he is.He astonishes me.He knows I love him,I made him a card, just for him..I've cried days and nights over him.I will love him forever,but I will not profess it anymore.He already knows and if he ever decides on me, I will be there.
I am going to tell him, to keep in touch with me, to let me run errands once in a while, or do some kind of work for free,just to keep in touch.I think that is a good idea,at least I will be around once in a while to keep check on him.Make sure he is ok.I don't want to ruin anything for anyone. Good Luck to all of you!
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2010): I can't tell you how helpful reading this has been to me. I,too have been having lustful thoughts about my surgeon. Unlike many of you my doctor has done nothing to elicit these feelings. It is good to know feelings of this kind are natural. Just because they are normal and human doesn't mean we need to act on them. We have a choice. I'm sure my good doctor would be shocked. this is in part because my doctor is a woman. Yup, it is true. I have never had any lesbian thoughts in my life and find myself having them now. these thoughts have prompted questions for me. 1. what am i yearning for that i fantasize she might provide.2. do i really have repressed lesbian tendencies or are these feelings more about needing the kind of love women traditionally provide.3.what do i need to do in mu current relationship4. Can i get my needs met in another way. I respect this doctor a great deal and know this is a classic case of transference. Labeling these feelings, however, doesn't mean i should discount or ignore them. they are telling me something.
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2010): I want to respond to the last post. I worry that women may buy into the cupid's arrow myth expressed here. Although this terrific lady has found a new partner in her former doctor that has lasted over the years, I feel this is a very exceptional outcome. This is not the norm.
Doctors are forbidden by professional code to flirt, fraternize and/or enter in a sexual relationship with a patient. The sad reality is that if a doctor is flirting with you, he is probably flirting with other patients as well. Many women have been and continue to be seduced by the status of the doctor. He occupies a postion of power over his patient and often times his motives when persuing a patient are solely of gratification and not love.
Women should not feel like they need a man in their lives to feel whole and complete. Beware of spiritual vampires that will suck the life blood out of you and then throw you in the trash when they're done.
If you do manage to get into a relationship, especially if you are married with kids, consider can you achieve true happiness if your betrayal causes the suffering of your husband or children. Can you truly be happy if they are unhappy.
Good luck, sisters and stay strong!
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2009): Thought I'd add a perspective...I met my current husband when I was his patient and he was my OB/GYN. (He actually delivered my son.) We were both married at the time to other people and had children. I developed a huge crush on him (like many others who have written here) and never imagined I'd act on it or that he'd have any serious interest in me. Eventually, I asked him out to lunch to talk about some shared business interests just because I felt I had to get to know him better; to my surprise, he accepted. Things clicked incredibly and -- even more incredibly -- neither of us could get the other one out of our heads. It was like Cupid shot us both with very strong arrows. We both separated from our spouses 6 weeks later. If anyone else told me this story, I would have told them they were crazy. But we both divorced and married each other within a year. We feel we were meant to be together. I wish it could have happened another way because I don't believe in having affairs and people were badly hurt in the process. But, 15 years later, we still love each other very much and, with lots of therapy, I've learned to accept that I deserve to be happy.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2009): I just stumbled across these posts through google.I cannot believe what I'm reading.I have such a "huge" crush on my doctor.He's always been a hot guy and I've been seeing him for about a year now. However just recently I can't seem to control my thoughts, emotions, etc.This doctor is in alternative medicine and is treating me for a serious illness that I've had for years. I did not know that however getting better would entail this reaction. Being an alternative medicine doctor he does various forms of testing. These tests (are normal) and a series of touching on various body meridians are necessary to get an update on how I'm doing (including with my herbal medicines). So now I'm at the point that I'm so ashamed of myself because I'm married and so is he. I don't really want to start a relationship, on the contrary. I really love my husband. We've been married for years. I don't feel any disconnect with him emotionally or anything, but I don't know how to stop fantasizing over this doctor. I see him about every 3-4 weeks. I'm not sure if I can get away with it, but I'm hoping to stretch my visits to 6 weeks. He is very specialized and it's not so easy to transition. I wish I knew what to do. I'd never want to hurt my husband's feelings, and don't want him to think I want to leave him "ever!". My husband is my true love, so what's the problem...right? That's just it, I just don't know but I sure hope these feelings end and "soon!"
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 March 2009): Im in love with my surgeon, madly in love he is young, smart and cute..i am engaged, my bf is a 1000 times better looking, but not smart..another problem is we supposidly have a hate relationship, he comments about how high maintenance i am and I usually comment back...get the point? so anyways everytime i see him my heart starts beating soo fast, and i only end up acting meaner to him...
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2009): I am 31 and am in love with my surgeon. He's single and over 15 years my senior but I dream about him frquently. It's a bit annoying actually. When I get on a role, I find myself thinking about him and wish I could stop. I've imagined a play by play of kissing him unexpectedly and asking him does he get hit on a lot by his female patients? I wonder why I have these obsessive thoughts. I also wonder why he is single. I know he likes women because I saw his facebook page, he is just too damn sexy!
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2009): Like everyone else, I too, fell in love with my doctor. A year ago I switched primary doctors and on my first visit the sparks were flying. He started flirting with me, with each appointment becoming more and more friendly. Finally after 3 months of this, I couldn't take it anymore so I confronted him about it. From that point on we have been seeing each other. It has been almost a year now and I am falling deeper and deeper in love with this guy. I realize that it is unethical, but an even bigger problem is the fact that he is married. I know this is wrong, but I can't help myself. We click in a way that I don't think either of us has experienced before.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2008): I am so glad that I read all of these posts. I have fallen for my doctor and was considering getting involved with him physically if the occasion arose in mutal consent. I suspected that other women probably felt like I do about him too, but it never really hit home with me until I saw concretely all of the posts! I need to move on, to go down a different path. I don't feel too badly about this obvious crush because he flirted with me incessantly and paid a lot of unnecessary attention to me. He behaved unprofessionally and had he acted differently, I don't think I ever would have been attracted to him. I guess fantasy is bred out of lonliness on both sides: the overworked doctor who's looking for a little caring himself, and the sick patient who's looking for a little attention and loving. I don't judge myself or him because I feel life brings us situations like these. But now I have a different take on things. Thanks to all of you wonderful ladies for sharing.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2008): I am a 17 year old female who is desperately in love with my 29 year old doctor! I was in the hospital for a week and he gave me his phone number! We've hung out and gone on dates but about 3 weeks ago we had to stop talking and seeing eachother! This was because my mom found out and called his hospitals board of directors to tell them that we had been talking. I miss him soooooo much and i kno he misses me too. I was wondering about the doctor/patient confidentiallity agreement? Because he says we can't talk because he will get fired and i care about him too much to let that happen. So i'm keeping my distance but its very VERY hard!! Should i wait til i'm 18, would it then be ok for us to continue our relationship?? I don't know what to do, please help!!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2008): Hy! I am falling in love with my doctor too! The only problem is that I am 17 and he is about 30. When I meet him I can't take my eyes off him and I think he likes me too. He laughs with me, entertains me and it's like he always tells me to go back to control but it is not necessary every time. I think he just wants to meet me too and the last time I met him he told me to call him on he phone when I got my examine results (so now I have his phone number too) I was never the person with big dreams and unreal imaginations, I am a total realist teenager. I am mature enough too. I just want to get to know him. I think he is really good, and so attractive. I hope that he likes me too although it is not very feasible that here will be something between us. It would be very strange for me to be with a 30 year old man, but I can't fight my feelings, I think of him every second. I'll see what happens but please root for us:)
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reader, v37  +, writes (15 October 2008):
I am so in love with my doctor too. He's asian which I love. But even I can handle that. It wasn't until he grabbed my neck (one of my major turn ons) and then walked behind me grabbed with now BOTH hands rubbing my neck and shoulders that I melted....like a popsicle on a stove. It gave me chills and yet made me very relaxed. I think I had a full body orgasm. LOL
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2008): I too am attracted to my doctor and I suspect it is mutual.I have been his patient for the last 5 years and fancied him almost immediately. He makes lots of eye contact and I can feel the sexual chemistry between us although sometimes I wonder if it is my imagination? We talk at ease with each other and I could sit there all day and talk and just look at him. I know it's wrong and I feel guilty (my hubby suspects I fancy him because he knows he is my type,he is gorgeous)I will probably never act on my feelings as I wouldn't want to wreck his life(he is married too)or career, but then sometimes I think life is short and we should act on our feelings.I think about him constantly ,and am always trying to make excuses for a visit. It is so good to read about others in the same situation.
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reader, Karmel +, writes (9 August 2008):
I am in the same situation. I can't stop thinking about my doctor. The last time he examined me he couldn't keep his hands off me and the eye contact was unbelievable. He was looking at me like he wanted to get on top of me right then. He kept rubbing my arms and wouldn't stop. The next time I go in I'm going to wink at him and see how he responds to that. Maybe he's waiting for me to put the move on him. For you, I say go with your heart. I hope that helps.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2008): Go with your heart. I am also attracted to my doctor and I believe he's attracted to me as well. I noticed the first two appointments only lasted 5-10 minutes, the third appointment lasted about 25 minutes and the fourth one about 30 minutes. The first time I went to him, the assistant told me he would do the first exam for free, the third time I went back he did another exam. After he examined me he stood beside me and rubbed his hands up and down my arm about four to five times, it felt so damn good. And the eye contact was unbelieve. He keeps making all these appointments for me to come back and I don't know why? I don't even know if he's married. Should I ask him? Please help!
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2008): I too can't stop thinking about my son's pediatrician. It drives me up the wall because I know I shouldnt look at him like a love struck teenage girl, but I am around him and all I keep thinking of is the things I would like to do to him. LOL :P
He is married. I am married. We both have kids. And those are the thoughts that keep my head from staying in the clouds. Well that and I know the stem of it all... its a simple case of transferance, be it erotic or emotional. It is a common issue and one that as long as it is kept in check, can be a perfectly harmless fantasy for the nights where a little added spice is needed. :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2008): I'm not married, engaged or anything and I too have an infatuation with my doctor who treated me for cancer. I actually hated his guts before this episode but from the outset something was different (probably because I had cancer!) and he was warmer, a little more laidback, and more attentive. I haven't received any cues from him at all, it is obvious I am just another patient but it is kind of nice to have someone who understands- having cancer is very isolating and he is the only person I can have honest cancer discussions with. I'm way younger than him and I am sure he is married; I'm not seriously considering doing anything because he is the lead on my case and I think he is a good doc above all, but it has been a nice distraction from so much ugliness.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 May 2008): I am in love with my family physician. I have never met anyone like him. I've been crazy about him since the first time I went to see him. His personality is amazing, he's a big, strong, handsome man. But, the biggest thing is his personality, sense of humor and how he is SO open about any issue. I talked with him recently about the fact that my husband won't have sex with me and that this has been going on for 5 years. He proceeded to say that I am an "attractive woman, an extremely attractive woman", and that my husband has no excuse. Also, he told me that we were with the wrong people, that his wife only gives it to him once a month. We continued to have a very candid conversation about the matter. I so wanted to tell him that I want him and badly, but I didn't. But something made me feel that he felt the same. I have rarely ever been wrong when I have felt this from someone.I have never had an affair on my husband. This man is the ONLY person I would even consider it with. But, most likely, the closest I'll come to it is typing this!
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2008): I am a mid-twenty something year old Black woman with a crush on an approximately fifty-year-old white man OBGYN doctor. I have always thought that he looked good and was special, but it wasn't until me and another nurse in another doctor's office had a conversation about how good he looked. It seems like after when I got really sick and saw him, he took a lot of time with me. And when I realized that other women thought the same thing, then my feelings for him escalated.
I keep having daydreams of going somewhere nice, like Jamaica, with him. No sex. Just talking, cuddling, and having fun. I am a professional person and I wouldn't tell one mumbling word because I have licenses to lose too. Man, if I was in his office and he said yes to the Jamaica trip, or any fun trip-even riding to the beach, I would go home and pack my sh** so fast and we would be on the first thing smoking going somewhere.
I'm not sure if he's married or kids, but would it would be nice to just go somewhere and have a conversation. I don't think that that would compromise the medical ethics promise thingy.
He's a darn good doctor and I don't want to do anything stupid to compromise me being a patient of his. Anyways, I am probably just another patient, another dollar earned.
He probably does the same flirty thing with all his patients. And I'm wondering if he really looks good or is it my wild imagination.
I'll just sit back, watch my mouth, and let common sense lead me forward. But hey, if he is retiring or for some reason I come down with a life-threatening illness, then I'm going to put it all "on the table."
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2008): I am attracted to my daughters' pediatrician. I am 27, he is 39, he is married with three kids and I am going through a mutual divorce with my husband of 8 years. I just can't help it, and I know nothing will ever happen, but it's sure fun to think about...I can't really offer any advice other than don't make any rash decisions, because if the doctor is your own and you have a great doctor/patient relationship with him, you don't want to mess that up. This doctor is so great with my girls though, so I wouldn't want to lose that, so I'll just keep it to myself...there are plenty of other men out there. This is more of a 'crush' than anything, so I'm just going to let it go.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2008): None of us have the right to judge each other in affairs of the heart although in many cases, feelings like this are infatuation or just confused with gratitude & admiration. However, sometimes, it is the real deal. We cannot choose who we fall in love with & if it is someone whom we are meant to be with, then sometimes it worth exploring possiblities where it may be possible. I understand how everyone who has written here feels as I too, am in a similar situation. I cannot change doctors as he is part of my medical team for a vey serious illness. I will NOT act on my feelings but I do not apologise for having them. In addition to this, I know that he also has feelings for me too, but like myself, I cannot imagine that he would ever act on them. As others have stated before, medical ethics forbid this kind of fraternisation. Likewise, I am also married with a child & he is in the same position. I have no answers regarding how to get over these situations as I am hurting terribly myself right now. What I do know is that it is important to try & work on the relationship with your partner (as I am doing) & hopefully over time, things will get easier. If you are truly in love with someone, you NEVER get 'over it'; they will always possess part of your heart, the part you give to them (& no, this doesn't mean telling them - not a good idea unless you are willing to terminate the professional relationship). We do adapt to painful situations over time & learn to live with them; it's much like someone close to you dying which is the ultimate separation; you never forget, never stop loving but you do learn to keep on living & eventually find happiness again. This is not just a cliche as I have lost many people close to me & I know how painful life can be. If you have good friends & family, confide in them; if not, go out there & form some solid friendships - it helps a lot!
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2007): I too have a crush on my dr, my obgyn at that. Same old story, went through a tough time and he was amazing through all of it. He personally called me to see how I was doing and even hugged me at one the visits. He likes to tease me about my age and then tell me how old he is and asked me if I wished I could go back in time. Ever since then I cant not stop thinking about him. He has delivered my baby during this time and made a special effort to be the one to deliver him. He is just a wonderful person. When I go see him now I get all nervous and excited. He is always so sweet and we end up talking about so many other things other than why I am there. I am not crazy, I know he probobly would not even know who I was outside of the office. But I also cant help but feel like he went the extra mile for me. I really am in love with that man. He is average looking but has managed to win me over with his actions....I guess you could say we just had a connection? He is married and does have 2 children- in college. At this point I just want to know how to get over him and move on. I really dont think that he would ever leave his wife for me. But it would be nice to know if he felt the same way. I guess this is all part of life, getting crushes and moving on. Any tips on how to get over him!?!??!
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2007): I kinda know what are you talking about. I'm 22 at present, and Since high school I had this crush for white uniforms that was really worrying;)then I met the man of my life-a cardiologist that is 7 years older than me. It was my friend's friend so we did not have this professional relation. We hooked up in a laid-off situation,and now are together for 4years. It was sheer pleasure to see him as I could not belive he chose me. I was living a dream for a long time and now I am secure about all. I am jealous as hell about this guy. He would be a great competition to all that Grey's anatomy guys, a series that has nothin in common with reality of doctors' life. But now I left to study to different country 4 a semester... and suddenly had to visit ER... and there, SNAP!A totally charming surgeon came to exam me in bed, made the stethoscope thing without removing my top, just placing the stethoscope under it (like knowing i'm stressed out-i really was!) and was gentle with other exams that I was afraid of. After all we had a long chat and made me feel comfortable after exams. I enjoyed looking at him, his smile and the atmosphere(sic!)Now I feel guilty.. I think of this guy, can't eat since 4 days, but at the other hand I'm thinking of my boyfriend, and what is happening with me... Obviously I'd never start making out with another guy, a doctor but he's on my mind. I'm beginning to feel like there's something wrong me.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2007): I thought it was only me feeling this way. He did my surgery months ago. He saved my life, after my previous surgeon almost killed me. From the time I woke up he kept telling me that I needed to tell the first guy off and sue him. At first I thought he was nuts. I didn't really even like him at first. He kept trying to be so nice. Office visits were always really long. He'd ask a million questions and literally doted on me.Prior to my last follow up visit I fell for him and I fell hard. After the last visit I went home and cried becase I knew or thought I'd never see him again. I then went back to him months later and he was an absolute monster at the first two visits. The last time I saw him he was great.( as it turned out he had big legal problems) We're both 50 years old and this is crazy. But I think of him at least once every day.Some days I hate him and other days he's all I can think about.I'm a smart professional female...I have never felt this way about a doctor in my life.Theres no where for this to go and I know it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2007): It is very common for people to get a crush on their doctors, teachers, other authority figures. Doctors care for you, are not judgmental (usually) and may listen to you more than your boyfriend or husband. A good doctor understands this and will be sure that you stay within limits to protect you and him. Don't embarrass him or yourself by crossing the line. And take a good look at your current relationship...what might you not be getting that you are looking for from this doctor? Nurturing, attention, status? This will likely not be the last time you get a crush of this sort. Just understand that it is not real and he is not involved with it. Twenty other women (or more) likely have similar feelings for him. And some are closer to his age/education.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2007): Hey allFirstly, this is a great thread. Secondly, I am in the same situation as many of you, and have been for nearly 4 years. In spite of finding out that he is happily married with three kids, the feelings still persist. I have tried to see other doctors in the practice, but still, we can't help bumping into each other.I have decided though, as many of you have also pointed out that: - he is married, and whether happily or not, I will not be the cause of them breaking up and hurting their children. - He is an out and out excellent gp for both me and my two children (I am divorced), and they trust him implicitly as he has been their doctor since day 1. - It is an infatuation. I am currently undergoing the after efects of a very sad divorce, which naturally and logically will leave me wanting someone else - BUT HE IS NOT THE ONE.THerefore, hard as it may be, I have decided to ride it out. Go about my daily business and take each day as it comes. In time, and when I am ready, I will meet a man who is equally as nice, who will be a match for me. So, roll on, life! I am ready for whatever may come, just not my gp......Best wishes
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2007): I think it is common for people to feel some sort of attraction to a care provider some time in their lives. That being said, I find myself in similar shoes. It takes effort to stay focused during my (infrequent) visits. The reason I haven't crossed that line in the two years I've been seeing him? He is an outstanding doctor who I am confident truly has the interest of my health at heart. Yes, he flirts and looks at me "that way", however, I think it will be easier for me to find another man who can be my lover; not so easy to find a doctor who I have confidence in.If the opportunity ever presents itself (specifically, by his initiation), yes - I would kiss him and take it from there, just like with any other man. Unless he makes the move, which I'm sure would start with "I can't be your doctor anymore...", I am content to 'love from a distance'. If the attraction is such that it interferes with the quality of your health care, it's time to find another doc.If nothing else, heed this: Doctor's are bound by an oath they have sworn to. It is dead wrong for a doctor to be sexually involved with one of their patients. If a doctor tries to have his cake and eat it too, that is of a predatory mindset and not a man you want to be involved with.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2007): Wow, I thought I was alone in wanting my Dr. I initially thought it was b/c he had done my knee surgeries and that alot of patients look at their Dr. as a savior. It isn't. I just saw him yesterday after 3 years as I have a broken foot and my heart was abslutely racing.But in my case, well, I made a move 3 years ago. I left a note on his car windshield, telling him I found him very attractive, that I often wondered if it could be more and that if nothing was ever said about it, I would understand that was the answer and be ok with it.The visits after the notes were friendly and flirtatious - I know he considered it and after yesterday, he is still thinking about it. But I think he fears losing his livelihood - his practice is doing very well and aside from office visits, he could think I would sue him and cause him his license for all he knows.In reality, I can't explain it - I just want him like I have never wanted any man......the way he does the exams and the amount of time he spends with me compared to his other patients is so much more - I was there an hour and a half from when he came in the exam room until we were done.It is very hard to be human and feel this way - you feel guilty, excited, turned on and all the while wondering what can you do to let him know, it's ok, I'm not a psycho, just lean in and kiss me once, you'll know.........We are both married with kids.........he is 10 years my senior and no, I did not leave any further notes - I took a chance, a risk and it was a very daring thing to do......I did consider it again after how he was with me yesterday......we are like giddy teenagers around each other and I am the only patient he will walk around the reception desk to stand next to, chat, etc. I want the man - no apologies - I am human and I made it clear I wanted him and how to contact me.......But if it never happens, the office visits are sure fun!
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2007): live him alone.
Put your self in his wife's shoes.
Would you like that if you were her???
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 June 2006): Oh boy, I am in the same boat here. Seriously hot for my now-former doctor and he has reciprocated in emails. I want him so bad.
He ceased seeing me as his patient because of the ethical implications, but I still email him and he replies. The real problem is that both of us are married.
I don't want it go beyond to email contact,sharing my feelings and desires with him, but I can see that I am walking a dangerous path and stupidly choose to flirt with him because part of me wants it to lead to physical contact, yet I do not want to break my husband's heart, or for his marriage to fall apart. I have always detested marital infidelity and never imagined myself even contemplating cheating on my husband.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2005): I'm going thru the same situation. I'm in love with my married doctor. I think of him constantly, even though I try not to. I've expressed my feelings to him and he doesn't respond either way but when I miss an appt. and when I come back in to his office, he tells me that he missed me and he looks forward to my visits, we also email each other all the time. We also act totally different with each other in front of others, nothing has ever been said between us on how to act, we just know that we can't show our true feelings for one another in front of others. Now, he offered to escort me to an event outside of his office and am a little nervous of whether I can control my feelings for him on this upcoming event. I'm really thrilled he asked to escort me to this event, but realize we are and have broken all the rules concerning doctor/patient boundaries. I just had the misfortune to find the love of my life too late but I do find comfort in providing him some comfort and friendship as I have known for awhile that he has a great sense of loneliness about him, even though on the surface, his life seems complete,with a great career, wife, kids, house in the suburbs, Cadillac in the driveway, he even has a dog. If I can make his life a little less lonely maybe that is the role I have been designated to play in his life. He has given me a chance to connect, to love and to support a man in a deeper way than I ever thought possible. This is definitely the oddest relationship I have ever had but I cherish it all the same and realize every situation happens for a reason. I don't want to take his wife's place but I will not apologize for loving him, even though he is married. I believe you can control what you do, but how do you stop yourself from loving someone? I don't believe you can and at this point, I wouldn't want to stop loving him.
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reader, karensue +, writes (4 October 2005):
I fell for my gyn doctor. I was going through a hard time. A different doctor did a bad surgery on me and my new doctor was helping me sue him. He was so caring and he would hug me. I felt like he was the only one who cared about me. When he would hug me he would get a hard on. He kissed me once in his office. He told me he had feelings for me, but it was unethical. I stopped going there and got over it. I look back and see that it was a strange thing. I'm glad nothing ever happened. I think I would even be embarrassed to see him now. So, just look at it as a crush and leave it alone.
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reader, ritzy +, writes (30 September 2005):
Let me get this right....Your 23, in a 6 year relationship since your were 17, you call your boyfriend your fiance and now interested in your doctor who happens to be married, has 2 kids and sees [LOTS] of women all day long... who I might add, can glance at these women for as long as he wants, any time he wants, without each of them knowing about it. Do ya really think that he's so great and you're so special?
Wake up!!.. Let's see how it goes... If I flirt and keep focussing on his eyes and maybe he'll be attracted to me the way I am to him and then we finally we'll talk and secretly meet and then..we can't wait and we finally have passionate sex and he goes home and tells his wife who is now devistated, he leaves her and his kids...you dump your boyfriend [fiance] who is ruined by the affair, the good doctor moves in with you and there's more passionate sex and... ARE YOU KIDDING ME? Was it worth it? And who was hurt by all that and all in the name of lust! Guilt will become your best friend if you proceed with your infatuated feelings. GET A GRIP! Right now what you feel is all in your head - KEEP IT THERE! Even happily married women notice and are attracted to a good looking man. We're not dead. We're alive and can appreciate what a man has been blessed with. But.. it goes no further.......no further no problem. Your decision of course.
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reader, helpfull girl +, writes (29 September 2005):
are you willing to throw 6yrs away for a fling with your g.p? if you say yes wow pls think about this! its just a fling you are after sex once youve had and got board of it your gonna feel guilty the 2kids,his wife,your fiancee your going 2 wreck 4lifes its not worth it. ok things may be boaring at the moment with you&fiancee but they do get boaring after 6yrs then they liven up agen, think of things to liven the ralationship up agen instead of thinking of your g.p and when you do think of doctor think of his wife and 2kids dont hurt them they ent done nothing nor has his wife! nor as your fiancee! pls i beg you dont do anything silly unless you want to mess up all of your lifes. change doctors it may make things easier! for the kids his wife and your fiancee change doctors!
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reader, becky0412 +, writes (29 September 2005):
To be honest girl i would just get on with your life and just look at him as being your gp, he is married and you are engaged it is not worth ruining his wife and kids lifes.Believe me my partner cheated on me and we ave 2 children and my kids were so hurt by it that they dont want to know him any more.I no it will be hard for you but you have to be strong think of what you would feel like if some woman was seeing you partner behind your back you wouldnt like it so dont do it, show yourself some respect and think of the people that will get hurt the most if you persue this any further.
Good Luck!!!!!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2005): Why are you allowing this to go even further? It's infatuation, and you shouldn't let it progress. Surely we see people we are attracted to each day and why can't some people leave it like that. The most it could ever be is that you and him have a one night stand which would result in something that's meaningless. You are still young and I bet you aren't even sure about the person you are going to marry. If you were certain about your current relationship, no other man would even matter. Of course he's going to comment on your hair, pants, etc, blah blah. Big deal. He could be just some big flirt who likes to feel young again. You know- those guys who would like to say that they "still go it". 90% of the time, he's an old guy with kids who is only looking to get some discrete sex. I honestly think you need to re-evaluate your current relationship if you are having these types of feelings with people whom you are attracted to. Red light.
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