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female
,
*hopie
writes: I've noticed my boyfriend has recently been searching for porn on the web and recently we haven't been having sex half as much as we used to. Is it me?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2005): Make him more into you!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2005): I had the same problem. I told my b/f that I was horribly insulted and that if he wanted to continue his celuloid/computer escapades at my expense (lack of sex) then he needed to find another more willing girlfriend. He promised no more porn and I believe him because our sex life has sure perked up!
Sometimes men want sex without emotional attachment, I understand that. But it was keeping US from being emotionally attached as well!
Good luck with this!
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A
male
reader, Ellis Mac +, writes (4 October 2005):
Your boyfriend is searching for porn and you think the problem lies with you? No, no, no. Men are visually stimulated which is why we love looking at porn. Which is why we also love our partners dressed in a visually stimulating way (do you see where I'm going with this?). Sometimes it would be nice for us guys to be accepted for who we are. It's really not our fault that we have the mental mechanism that we have. You should however air your concerns with him, because he can at least make an effort.
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A
female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (30 September 2005):
 Go, Rebecca B! Spot on advice.
I know, I know. In the past I've defended mens' right to look at porn and enjoy it, but in cases like this, where it's taking the place of a healthy and enjoyable sex life with a willing and able partner, I agree: it's not on and it can be a relationship deal-breaker.
Do speak to your boyfriend. Tell him that what he's doing is taking time away from REAL sex with a REAL woman. Ask him to make a choice between drooling over 2D images, or making love with a 3D woman. If he chooses the porn over you, you honestly haven't lost *anything*, but my instinct is that he'll quickly realise that he's overstepped the boundaries of your relationship.
But this isn't your shortcoming. It's his.
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A
reader, Rebecca Batchelor +, writes (29 September 2005):
 No, its him basically, not you.
Tell him you know what he has been doing and that it isn't acceptable on the grounds that you shouldn't be replaced by porn.
This issue keeps on creeping up on this site and I think women do need to be a little tougher. Of course men are attracted to visions of naked bodies having sex because they are visually stimulated creatures but it shouldn't interfere with their relationship.
If women used vibrators to replace men there would soon be an outcry!
Tell him to either stop watching the porn or share watching it with you (only if you wish and may want to use it to enhance your sex life) or he can forget entertaining any sex sessions with you because you can find someone far better who would pay you attention rather than a computer screen of artificial women pretending to have a good time.
Good luck.
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