A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have been dating this guy for 9 months now. He has been divorced for 2 years now but I feel he still has some feelings towards his ex. We have started arguing a lot lately and they all seem to be about the past! He blames me for still loving my ex (the father of my son, which I broke up with 8 years ago) and communicating with my ex-boyfriends. I am still friends with my ex-boyfriends and we say hello every now and then. They also send me happy mothers day greetings etc. Just being friendly, to me it is very normal that exes are friends because after all we used to share a life together.He in turn does not speak to his ex, and she even had a restraining order against him! She asked him to stop calling her and to stop e-mailing her. I found out that he continued sending forwards to her anyway! And about a month ago her name popped up on my computer when I was searching for a friend on facebook. When I asked him if he had been searching for her, he had the lamest excuse. He had to think about it, couldn't even think of some lie! Whenever we go out together and she is there, I feel his attitude change. He claims that she has no effect on him, but recently I did not even know she was there, and I felt his attitude change. He blames me for still loving the father of my son because he found an e-mail where I said that I loved him. Which is true, I sent that e-mail, but it was only to explain that I loved him like a brother/friend and did not want to see him upset or sad. I've tried to explain that I broke up with the guy and we are still friends, and it happened so long ago. My son's father is now married and has a daughter! We both got on with our lives!My current boyfriend is so jealous! And Insecure! If I tell him I love him, he does not believe me. If I tell him I like his buttocks, he does not believe me! I even asked what he wanted me to do so I could prove how much he means to me. I am at the end of my rope. Don't know what else to do, or how to convince this guy that I don't want anyone else, and that I want only him.I feel that he is blaming whatever he went through in the past on me. Maybe he is the one that can't let go of the past, because I am completely done with it. Maybe he is the one doing the things he says, not me!I hope someone out there that is completely neutral can tell me what to do :-(
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broke up, divorce, facebook, his ex, insecure, jealous, my ex Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2010): Hello,
He's very jealous, and you shouldn't have to prove what he means to you. You can never reassure someone constantly. Its not healthy for you.
It sounds like a mess between him and his ex with the restraining order. He obviously had some issues there. As for him doing a search he just be curious,or maybe there's still unresolved feelings. Sometimes people reverse guilt on another because of what their doing. I'm not sure there's enough evidence that he's unloyal to you. I am sure he needs to work out his feelings of insecurities.
Good luck
;D
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (25 May 2010):
Dump him immediately. You only have to re-read what you've written to see that you've got a man who is, to be honest, utterly obsessed with his ex. He's the problem, and rather than face up to it, he's blaming you. He IS the one doing all those things he says. His ex even had to get a restraining order, which is a HUGE red flag. At nine months, you should not be arguing this way, and he should not be treating you this way. Just get away from this man.
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