A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am 24, this man is 31. I've never dated someone older than 4 years and I am a little freaked out. I am used to being in control of the situation by dating guys around my age or younger. This new guy is good looking, has a job and seems like he is well off. He also has interesting hobbies and would probably know how to treat a woman well. I have the opportunity to go for him, but my gut feeling is that I won't be in control of the situation and that I will eventually chicken out....simply said I am afraid that older men have different expectations. Do they? After getting screwed literally and figuratively by one user after another who are at my age or younger, I have become a little bitter, but I don't know if this is a good reason for me to try to date older guys.I know that some women like the man to be in control of the relationship and thus dating older men is probably good for them...but for someone like me who likes being in control of the relationship, I don't know if it will work out..
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male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (27 May 2010):
 Charming "puppies to lead in the woods". Now I am willing to grant that I am interested in a woman's puppies but claiming that you want your partner to be like a puppy... well that says a lot about those men doesn't it?
But this has nothing to do with age. There are assholes of all ages. Remember the users you dated? What age were they? You could find them from 16 to 66 if you were so inclined.
I think you have been trying to follow some made up rules to arrange a happy relationship and it hasn't worked. You try to claim you are in control if the guy is the same age, and end up used.
That is why I said you need to take a long hard look at yourself. There are two people in a relationship. If you end up being used then this could only happen because you dated a user. Why did you? What made you attracted to these guys? Once you answered that, you can start avoiding it.
To answer your original question.
Different men have different expectations in a relationship. Find the one who shares yours.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI would like to clarify that by “being in control” of the relationship, I do not mean “controlling my man”, but rather feeling comfortable with the paste of the relationship as well as having the feeling of equality in terms of decision making. That means that knowing that we’re both poor students gives us an equal opportunity to voice out our opinions and suggestions in the relationship.
I disagree with Marc Dwayne that women mature faster than men. If that was true then an older man and a younger woman should theoretically have the same logic of thinking (assuming a logic of thinking is an indicator of maturity level). However, I keep hearing too often from men that they like younger women because they're like "puppies to lead in the woods" or because their brains are” like sponges” and wonder how does any of this imply the same level of maturity? It sounds more like as if younger women are easier to control…..well, gentlemen this is what I mean when I say that dating older men would put me out of my comfort level!
The rest of you raised a good question that if I was screwed I wasn’t in control. Okay, maybe I wasn’t in control or maybe they left because they lost interest or wanted to chase other girls. It hurt my feelings and it made me feel “screwed” because I did everything for these ex-bfs. But they have the right to leave if they wanted. What guarantee do I have, that older men won’t lose interest or won’t try to pursue other women when they get the chance? Does this depend on “maturity level”?
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A
male
reader, marcdwayne  +, writes (26 May 2010):
Six years older does not an older man make. Remember, women are usually more mature than their male counterparts. Never try to 'control' your man girlfriend...and don't let your man control you. A 'real' man will let you have the freedom to be yourself and you should show him the same courtesy. Never enter a relationship thinking your man will 'change'. He won't. His 'aura' is way more important than his age. When you meet your Mr. Right...you'll know it. Never settle. I say give him a chance. Go out with him a couple of times. Does he treat you like a lady...or a tramp? If his hands go immeadiately to the fun bags let him know that you are not that kind of girl. It doesn't mean you can't rub them up against him when you kiss him goodnight just to let him know that they're firm and perky. Remember...men want what they can't have. For more tips come visit me at www.marcdwayne.com
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A
male
reader, loonman4 +, writes (25 May 2010):
In general, most men don't want to be controlled by a woman and would consider them "bitches" no matter what the age. 31 is not that old. Everybody goes through several relationships and learns from each one. Have you considered that you keep going for the same type of person? That is a very common reason for failure of relationships. Once I realized that, I changed direction for the better.Don't be bitter, it will only hold you back from happiness.
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy +, writes (25 May 2010):
Just wondering, if you like to be in control of a relationship and you have been in such affairs, then why aren't you any more?
"After getting screwed literally and figuratively by one user after another"
How can you get screwed if you are in control?
Yes an older man will probably expect different things although that doesn't have to mean he wants to dominate. In fact a more mature man might like a mature woman, one he doesn't constantly have to shelter. Someone who can look out for herself. The girly helpless type can get very old very quickly.
But the contradiction of you claiming to be in control in past relationships and being used at the same time gives me reason to think that before you get involved with someone, anyone, you first need to sort your life out.
You are not going to like this, but I think you secretly "enjoy" the users because it allows you to keep the relationship shallow. Dating a mature man might indeed freak you out, because if this relationship fails, you can't blame it on his immaturity.
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