A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I'm living with a man for almost 4 years now and also engaged. I met him after he just broke off an 11 year relationship with another woman and I was his go to person (yes, sex too). I thought during that time I was the only one he was seeing. 5 months later I found out he was sleeping, and dating with another girl. I should give you the ages. She was 20years old, He was 32 and I at 38. I was devastated, although he stated he didn't want a commitment he did say that I would be the one when he was ready. He also said that I was the only one he was sleeping with at the time. I told him I would not accept him sleeping around and me still sleeping with him. He agreed. But of course he lied. Anyway, the day I found out I left him and it took him a few days to come around and tell me that he loved me and wanted me to be his girlfriend. Due to me not wanting him because he lied he ended the other relationship but he continuly kept in contact with other woman that were just friends (they wanting more) by phone, texts for about 1 year after this. And at this point we moved in together. I told him over and over again that I didn't want him to have phone, text relations with other woman. And the communication was always hidden from me. Call me jealous, old fashioned, but I'm not into that. Anyway, here we are 4 years later and he is absolutely wonderful to me. He gave up all that crap almost 2 years ago and is quite attentive to me. Supports me emotionally, financially, etc. So what's my problem?? I can't seem to let go of the past. I bring it up often and we get into a huge fight over it. I'm usually suspicious by nature, but I find myself more so with him. I hate the way I feel. Will I ever get over this? Am I being ridiculous?? Please give me your opinion... Tracey
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 September 2009): I want to thank you for the advice and letting me know its normal about the way I feel. And I am going to put every effort into not bringing up the past!! I knew the answer all along, but its nice to hear it from someone else!!! Thanks again
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2009): I see what you mean. You started that realationship not on a very sturdy platform lets say. Because you were his to go girl you know he can be a man to cheat/ broke your trust.
Your not being ridiculous, you may get over it but it will take a lot of work. You will have to talk it out with him about how you feel.
It will keep being a problem if you cant let it go. You may start to build resentment towards him etc..
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (22 September 2009):
When someone can't get over something, it's because they don't understand it. You don't understand why he did what he did to you. At that time, he'd come out of a relationship and wasn't ready for another. He said what he said because he wanted you for sex but not a relationship. However, he has now stopped, and has committed to you. HE IS WITH YOU because he wants to be with you and no one else. Focus on the relationship you have with him now, not the one in the past. The relationship has chaged for the better. Put effort into him and make sure he puts effort into you. You'll find that when you see him making all the effort, you'll start to let go. Lots of luck. xx
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (22 September 2009):
When someone can't get over something, it's because they don't understand it. You don't understand why he did what he did to you. At that time, he'd come out of a relationship and wasn't ready for another. He said what he said because he wanted you for sex but not a relationship. However, he has now stopped, and has committed to you. HE IS WITH YOU!
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