A
female
age
36-40,
*andyapple86
writes:HiI recently lost my twin baby girls at 23 weeks.I got pregnant after a one night stand.I am confused because I feel like the babies connected us. But he is not emotionally strong. And tries to support me. But it doesnt seem to work.Because we are both so emotional. I dont know if we should be dealing with our loss together? As we are so fragile emotionally atm.And I'm not sure If I am being to hard on him and expect to much from him.Should we grieve together or have time to grieve separately?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2010): You need to grieve together but do it seperatly if that makes any sense. Be with each other, but allow eachother to greive they way you will. I hope that makes sense. My heart goes out to you miscarriage is such a hard thing with one baby, I can't imagine two.
A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (20 April 2010):
 Grief is a funny thing. It doesn't follow any rules and you can't force yourself into feeling better or taking shortcuts to get past it. I guess I'm saying don't blame yourself for what you're feeling, don't blame him for what he's feeling.
A sad, sad thing happened and you are muddling through the best you can, just as he is. Don't have unrealistic expectations of him or yourself. Make sure you have other sources of support and ask for help. People who love you and want the best for you will step up and provide whatever it is that you need. The trick is figuring out what to ask for.
I think it might not be a bad idea for you to do some research on grief and grieving. It makes things a lot clearer when you know that what you're going through is normal. http://helpguide.org/mental/grief_loss.htm there's a start for you.
A loss like you experience opens a gaping hole in your heart and I think you were hoping he could fill it. I'm afraid that's not how it goes and you just need to be realistic about how you will be feeling for a while.
I am sorry for your loss. Take good care of yourself now, okay?
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A
female
reader, Carrot2000 +, writes (20 April 2010):
 Now is not the time for either of you to be emotionally strong. You've experienced a devastating loss and the two of you must support each other as much as you can. Even though other people sympathize with you, the girls' father is the only person right now who can truthfully say he feels your pain, so don't shut him out. He is not a rock; he is a man and he is hurting, too.
Although you may need moments of solitude, don't isolate yourself; grieving alone is unhealthy.
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