A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm having real trouble working out if my gf is reAlly into me or not. We've being seeing each other for a year now but she seems to avoid sexual or intimate contact with me wherever possible. Usually she cites tiredness and has never said it's because shes not into me but I'm starting to get the impression that it's just an excuse. Shell come home from work full of energy, put some music on and dance around and then as soon as I express any interest in her shell say she's tired or just pull away if I try to kiss her. It's starting to really frustrate me as we have never had sex more than once a week since we started going out and I feel as someone in my early 30s that this just doesn't feel like enough. Am ivbeing unreasonable to want sex more than once a week? I'd understand if we'd been together for ages and things had petered out a little but this has been the case since the beginning. Its not because she's shy or doesn't like sex so I can't help thinking it's something to do with what she thinks of me and that she's kind of settling for me without being that into me.
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 December 2011): It sounds like you two have incompatible sex drives. Maybe there is a medical reason as well. Have you talked with her? Maybe she has low estrogen levels, etc. What you have to ask yourself is this, even if she doesn't engage in sex but once a week, is she loving in other ways (ie: back rubs, caressing, kissing). If she pushes u away wen u try to kiss her, then she may not be all that into you. Then again, she may not be the touchy feely type either. Maybe she was abused or hurt by someone earlier in her life.Then again is it you? Do you expect her to go 0 to 100 in 60 seconds. A lot of women enjoy foreplay before sex. Are you engaging in it with her and taking the time to explore her body and what pleasures her or is it a "wham, bam, thank you mam" deal. I know my boyfriend has developed ED in recent years and though I don't tell him it's real frustrating getting worked up only to have it sizzle out. Though we still are sexual, it's almost become a chore. Like the story, "the little engine that could." he still has a pretty good drive though, the mechanics aren't functioning. Could this be you too?
A
female
reader, PerhapsNot  +, writes (22 December 2011):
 You have sex once a week and you think she is not attracted to you? Please! Once a week seems pretty normal to me and to most women. It may not be what you're used to or what you want, but you either:a. Deal with the horror and dissatisfaction of once a weekb. Leave her and find a woman with a high sex drive
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (22 December 2011):
We are together just a year as well. I am 51 to his 38.
I prefer sex in the morning. My man at 1 am in the morning… I go to bed around 10 pm… do you see the problem here? It’s not that I’m not into him, it’s not that I don’t want him.. It’s that our drives don’t match.
To be honest I am of the belief that we ALL compromise in relationships. I call it compromise. MY partner calls it settling. He settled for me with all my faults and I compromised on him with all his faults. While compromise sounds better, it’s the same thing… but that does not mean I don’t want him sexually.
I love my partner but I’m very content with lots of cuddles and hugs vs. the actual act… have you TALKED to your partner about this? Or are you making assumptions based ONLY on her lack of desire. BTW how old is she and is she on any medications (including Birth Control Pills)?
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (22 December 2011):
 I'd say that a difference in sex drive is too little to make you reach such dire conclusions.
Sure there is nothing wrong for a man in his 30s to want sex more than once a week, - but there's also nothing wrong for a woman same age or even younger to be content with just once a week, that's normal too.
The energy one uses for sex is not just physical, it's also mental and emotional, she may be in the mood for dancing and not in the mood for having sex.
Like, some women do not feel all that of an urge for frequent physical release and they don't like quickies, they prefer a long, drawn out , plenty of foreplay, romantic atmosphere and all that jazz , session once a week, rather that something "simpler" more times a week. It's just a matter of libido and personal preferences, not of disliking your partner.
How's the rest , the not sexual part of your relationship , good ? Loving, mutually caring ? Do you talk a lot, do you keep fights to a minimum, do you laugh together etc. ? Then you are probably worrying too much, this is something you could fix just talking to her and work out a compromise, in which you try not to pester her , i.e. you know, not tryng to turn any kiss or hug into a sexual occasion, not " ambushing " her when she is clearly focusing on other stuff,- and she tries to overcome her sexual laziness, agrees to initiate some times, allows you to put her in the mood etc.
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