A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have a wondeful Fiancé. We've been going out for over 9 years. The problem is that she is the only woman i've ever been with - I always had low self esteem - and lately i've found myself looking at other women and wondering what it would be like to be with them. I love my Fiancé very much and its not an emotional thing; its more of a sexual problem. Even though our sex life is good I cant help looking at other atractive women and wondering what it would be like to see them naked or sleep with them. I know that there is nothing I can do as I would never cheat on my Fiancé but im afraid its going to drive me mad thinking about it.
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fiance, self esteem, sex life Reply to this Question
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male
reader, manperson101  +, writes (5 March 2010):
Oh mate I sort of know how you feel!I was with a girlfriend for a year at uni, she was my first and I really liked her. But I really wanted to have sex with other girls, not so much to try different sex but to be close with someone else, you know; and also to add to my pathetic list of sexual experience. This got to me and after a year I called it quits to pursue the dream. 1) At first it was much harder than I had imagined to get random girls 2) I felt so much more pressure when I was with them 3) I wished I was still with the previous girlfriend. It took me a long time to find another girlfriend I was as really into as I had had more experience etc. But when I did I felt so much better. I had had my freedom and had 'sown my wild oats' so was happy to settle down. I also gained a lot of confidence and changed as a person.BUT PLEASE, don't follow this story and dump her though! I got lucky and made some good decisions. What you have to do is decide which is more important:a) Your freedom, life experiences and sexual adventures, orb) The relationship you have with your current partner.If you're relationship is the most important (b) then, by all means have fantasies, but understand thats all they'll be and it is your decision to sacrifice them for the women you love.
A
female
reader, Sharon1111  +, writes (1 March 2010):
 Well, you CAN help it. The question is whether you WANT to. Do you want to stop? If so, work on it. For starters you could think about all sorts of other things.
I am wondering what your real issue is here.
What concerns me is that you seem to be focussing on sex. Life and relationships have to do with a lot more than sex. Do you think so? What does "love" mean to you?
Maybe you are really secretly obsessed with sex and only you lack of confidence keeps you from playing the field.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2010): Thanks for all your help guys & gals. It's been most useful.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2010): Thanks a lot for your advice everyone. It's been most helpful.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2010): Sex will feel the same with someone else.....
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A
female
reader, Tarawr  +, writes (19 February 2010):
 It's fine to think about, as long as you keep it all to yourself. Don't let it be known to anyone else. As long as it's in your mind, no harm is going to come of it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2010): I think that it is natural for both men and women to have sexual thoughts about someone who they see. I see no problem in that, as long as it just stops at thoughts. If it doesn't stop at just thoughts or fantasies and moves on to sex then it is cheating unless you are in an open marriage.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2010): You know what? That's perfectly natural, as long as you know when to stop.
I'm 17 at the moment and I'm engaged to my fiance who's 23. He's older than me and I find myself looking at guys my own age and wondering what it'd be like to be with them, but what you've got to do is, whenever you feel like that, call her up. Just chat to her so you're reminded of her voice and how much you love her. You know she'll always be the one you love, and when you get married, it'll hopefully stop.
However, it's completely natural, you shouldn't worry about it.
Do I sound too pretentious?
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