A
female
age
36-40,
*ubblygirl
writes:I am coming here for help in a really hard time and need support/advice.My boyfriend and I have dated for 2 1/2 years and i found out he lied twice about going out to the bar and then went a third time and got a girls number there asking her out for coffee. I agree with previous advice to break up but my problem is I can't seem to do it.I see why and I have confided in close friends but have yet to do it since I've never been the one to break things off and its just so painful so close to Christmas and NYE (my favorite time of the year). But my friends are now wondering why its taking so longHow do I do this? How do I deal with a break up? How do I not think of him being happy with another woman? Help!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2011): If you are worried that he will be happy and off with another woman so quickly then you need to summon the courage to face that because that is no reason to stay in a relationship with him.If you wish to stay in the relationship you need to be clear with him about what your expectations are. But you will also have to ask yourself if you would be able to forgive him for his infidelity thus far. Take it from me, it is very difficult to forgive and move on from that. My partner cheated and lied and I wanted to forgive him. But it ate away at me slowly until our relationship fell apart. Trust is very difficult to regain in these situations and I would guess that if you suspect that he already has a female waiting in the wings for when you break up, that it will be near impossible for you to fully trust him in the future. Look after yourself, let your friends console you and welcome new people in your life who will treat you with respect. Good luck.
A
female
reader, LittleMissMellie  +, writes (8 December 2011):
If he has lied to you twice and the third time gotten a girls number it really is only a matter of time before he cheats. How to break up? well why don't you let it be on your terms, seeing as he is so happy to just do what he wants, why don't you do the same!! If you love xmas and Nyear then stay with him til January and then leave him. Break ups hurt. You wouldn't be normal if it wasn't going to hurt, you just need to ask yourself whether you are willing to hurt for a few months and get over him or whether you are going to constantly worry if he is lying again and end up sad for a very long time. Just do it when you are ready. You sound as though you have some friends that will support you, so let them.
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A
male
reader, The Realist +, writes (8 December 2011):
 Somethings you just have to do and worry later. If you stay with him it will most likely ruin the season for you and then there will just be more excuses.
When you see him just tell him you're breaking up with him and then leave. You don't need to discuss why with him, you can do that with your friends who will be there to support you.
Tell yourself everything that he has done to you and that should put you in the right frame of mind. I understand that you probably aren't the type to hurt people but staying with him is only hurting yourself who is the most important.
Over thinking these sort of things is a major problem which is why it is best to just blurt it out and see what happens. You know that what ever happens you will have your friends to comfort you.
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A
female
reader, Soul Writer +, writes (8 December 2011):
 This dilemma is actually quite common. To break up with someone, YOU have to want to. His actions aren't really showing you that he cares about you, and I believe that everyone deserves better than that. Stand up for yourself and get your closests friends to back you. Sit down with him, and tell him that your relationship with him is not a healthy one. If he tries to talk you out of it, and you know that he'll just resort to going back to these actions, say goodbye and walk away. Don't settle for anyone less than you deserve. No one is forcing you to date this guy. Also, there is a first time for everything. It's okay to break off something that hurts you...it's actually a very mature choice. People deal with breakups in different ways. I cannot tell you how you will deal with this, because this is something you will have to discover. Maybe you'll spend a lot of time with your family and friends to help you move on past this. And, perhaps, you'll discover someone else that YOU are interested when your favorite holiday arrives :)Don't think of who your boyfriend might be with, and if he's happy. You worry about you...are YOU happy?
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