A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Dear all,Is it possible to be affectionate and miss someone a lot but not love them? I'm 5 months in a relationship and have developed strong feelings but I'm not sure if its love? What's the difference and how do you know? We currently only meet up at weekends due to distance and this might be the problem but I Don't think I've ever been in love before.It feels right but how do you know the different between lust and love.Thanks : ) Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2012): Love isn't always a feeling...most of the time its intentional. We choose to love and when you realize that, you began to grow closer to that person or realize that you can move on so you won't waist your time or the other persons time. Lust is just when you want to beat something up(fellas) or get your something beat up(chicks), dig it? Anyway...love lasts longer and it feels so much better because you can lust for the one you love and not feel guilty in the morning.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2012): I would say you know you love someone when you cannot imagine your life without them. But that's just me lol
...............................
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (13 July 2012):
 Person12345 is right it's different for everyone...
and you may love him.
if things are going along well, then just keep going along and it will fall into place eventually.
...............................
A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (13 July 2012):
 Love is different for everyone, for some it's a sudden powerful thing while for others it's a slow gradual build-up. I couldn't come up with a good description, but my boyfriend had one that I like, "it feels like your whole brain is shutting down and filling with crazy happy chemicals that make you feel all crazy, but in the best possible way." I'd add and that make you feel happy and OK when you are with and thinking about the other person. There's this sort of, comfort that comes with love that isn't there when you just like and miss someone. It's a little hard to describe, but similar to that comfort of being home with your family for holidays or some similar situation.It's hard to tell if you've never felt it before, but everyone who has been in love has been in that situation (of never feeling it before). Questioning it doesn't mean you're not in love just like missing someone doesn't mean you are.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI miss how he makes me laugh and how its always fun and we never seem to run out of things to talk about. I love cuddling him and feeling close just holding him brings me comfort I love how he smells and his little ways : )
...............................
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (13 July 2012):
“Is missing someone so much and wanting to hold tbem an indication?”
Not always. They may just be filling a need right now….
Again what else besides the physical are you missing about him?
...............................
A
male
reader, JustHelpinAgain  +, writes (13 July 2012):
From my experience, love hits you like a freight train. But if it does just after you've had sex then it gets all mixed up! Even with friendship first, where love grows slowly, there is that first kiss or holding hands, where suddenly you get a super excited feeling in your stomach and you pulse quickens and you think of the other person every moment you are apart.
OP, sounds like you are being very cautious. I don't think love can be planned or really measured. You both close your eyes, hold hands, and jump!
...............................
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (13 July 2012):
“Is it possible to be affectionate and miss someone a lot but not love them?”
Of course… you can feel affection for someone and not love them. You can like a person and want to be close to them and miss them when they are not there but it may not be love.
What is the difference between love and lust… well when you see him do you want to “jump his bones” or do you wanna just sit and talk and cuddle….
When you miss him what do you miss about him?
When you think about him what do you think?
Which is more important to you… your happiness or his?
IF you think about the physical more than the mental it may be lust still…
If you would help him to leave you if it meant he would be happier with someone else… that’s love…
LUST means you wanna go mattress dancing… LOVE means you want to go mattress shopping…
...............................
A
male
reader, dougbcoll +, writes (13 July 2012):
 give yourself time you are only seeing him on weekends because of distance. your feelings will grow over time. do you long to see and be with him during the week, while you are apart. "it feels right but how do you know the difference between lust and love" ...... lust is self centered wants for the persons own benefit, and selfish gain. love is giving, sharing, and looking out for the other persons best interest over your own. if lust may wanting to be with the other person for your interest only, if love you care about the other person and want to be with them, and don't want to be away from them.when i dated my wife we was in two towns away from each other. we would be on the phone when we could not see each other. we could not wait to be with each other. when it was time to drop her off back home, i did not want to leave. there was a longing to be with her.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks but what are the signs?
Is missing someone so much and wanting to hold tbem an indication?
...............................
A
female
reader, ryeann +, writes (13 July 2012):
 Right now just set back and enjoy the relationship. See where it takes you 5 months is not long enough time. I knew I was in love when he could make love to me with the sexual act. If he couldn't see me he would txt to see how I am doing. He honestly cares about everything I do. He takes the time to make sure I am happy. When I am with him All is well. I do the same for him. When you are in love no other person will be able to take their place ever. Enjoy them, learn all about them and have fun dating this person. You will know when if happens.
...............................
A
female
reader, BondGirl72 +, writes (13 July 2012):
 Right now I think it is too early for you to tell whether you are in love or not. It really depends on the individual. Like Chigirl said, you will know when it changes for you. When I knew I was in love, I felt a very deep connection to my boyfriend, wanted to be with him all the time, and felt very happy when he was around. I also felt a deep calming feeling, like it was meant to be. It was different from anything I'd felt for other boyfriends, so you will know if/when it happens.
...............................
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (13 July 2012):
 You'll notice it when it is different from before. Perhaps you've started to love him, but aren't there quite yet. Give it some more time. In my experience, when you love someone you just know it somehow, and it feels natural to say it. When you love someone you want to shout it out from the top of a mountain so that the entire world knows. When you love someone you want them to be yours forever, even though you know you wont live forever.
...............................
A
female
reader, tibob  +, writes (13 July 2012):
 When you are in love, you know it. You think of the other person constantly. You meet the person but already start missing him or her as soon as you say good bye. The person becomes one of your priorities and you always find time for the person. Lust is only strong sexual desire for a person and soon wears away.
...............................
|
