A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Hey :)I was in an ldr with a wonderful guy for nearly a year, and things were pretty great. But we were definitely switching off. Well, he more so than me. He went MIA for about a week and i was really worried to find out he was in hospital. Of course this was a pretty disastrous scenario for me, but i realised i was more worried for me. I didn't trust him. Because the biggest thing i realised is that he doesn't trust me. I understand that even after a few months we were still strangers and you cant trust people you've met online but he wouldn't share anything. I am from the UK and i love his american culture, he knows that. But i didn't find out about his prom AND graduation until after a month of the events taking place, and even then only so only because i asked. He didn't have to tell me the very days, maybe a week before of after. I cant trace that if i was a psycho. Because of his lack of detail sharing, i hesitated to tell him stuff from my daily life, like the bus i have to take or what after-school stuff i do. A week after our 1yr anniversary, he disappeared again. I assumed he was in hospital again, and was worried. I tried email, our usual messenger, everything. I decided to give up and just deleted my messenger account. Part of me was relieved. Most of me was moping. Its eight months on. I have thought of him everyday since then. I know he sent me 1 "hey" message. No email. Nothing. I know if i get in touch, ill get to hear from him again. But i don't know if i should! I don't want to go through all the hassle, but i cant stop missing him. What should i do??PS despite me not trusting him, i really believe i love him. He was pretty much perfect for me. That doesn't change my reluctance to be with him again.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2013): You are one of those rare and special people who knows how to be a true friend, and you are very patient. You understood he had problems, but you never pushed him. You allowed him to open up to you at his own pace, and he may have trusted you a lot.You established a relationship and invested a lot of your time in this boy. You shared something special.You may have given him too much of your time; which he eventually took for granted, and didn't know how to appreciate. This also be a symptom of the emotional problem he was suffering from.He had a personality disorder and other issues that only professionals can handle. You, being of a very kind and compassionate nature; developed a closeness, and got too attached.Your kind heart will not let go easily, but in time it will.Please use your special talent to help people like this boy someday. You have discovered that special part of you that can reach out to people. It would do this world some good having people like you. There is one thing you have to remember. You cannot save these people. You cannot cling too tight; because they are not able to handle things as well as the rest of us. They have disabilities beyond their own control, and holding on too tight can break your heart. You treasured what you had; but you need to do what people your age should be doing. Enjoying friends, school, and doing the things that make you happy. You have given this boy so much of your time that he has become your hobby, your patient, and your boyfriend. That's giving too much of yourself, my dear. You have to save some of that love for yourself. That way people don't drain you of all of the light in your soul.Now it is time to enjoy being your age. He's out there somewhere; but he is a little selfish, and he is not a well person. So you keep the fond memories; but don't let those memories weigh you down. You're supposed to be happy and carefree during this time of your life. He took too much of you away with him. That's unfair; but he's a sick boy.You can't stop missing him because you are waiting for him to contact you. He may have found someone else to occupy his time, as should you. People your age don't usually keep boyfriends and girlfriends very long; because you're still growing and developing. These changes keep you moving on to discover things, and meeting new people. That's healthy. He's being a typical boy. They steal your heart and run with it. Let's hope he is feeling better, and just decided to do the things all other teenagers are doing.So get back out there and offer your kindness and compassion to people closer too you. Maybe do some volunteer work helping other teens. Make new friends.People you can share your time with and create new memories. Even find some special and very lucky young man who can be a boyfriend; and take your mind off that selfish boy, who didn't know how to appreciate such a special girl.Good luck, young lady!
A
female
reader, Starlights +, writes (13 October 2013):
 I think you should move on because its been 8 months since you heard anything. As you say you don't want to go through the hassle. He may have been a nice guy but you couldn't trust him.
It's ok to miss people but sometimes you have to let them go on their way.
If he really cared he wouldn't keep disappearing for ages and withholding information from you.
Goodluck.
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