A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have posted on here before about my situation.Abusive ex, left our son in wet clothes, we had a row about it, then he said he never wanted anymore contact, now he has changed his mind, and I have said no, as I want supervised visits, so now he wants to take me to court (still haven't heard from his solicitor though).For a long tine he has made out that I am mentally ill. And is now using an arguement that I had over text with his mum (I had orginally texted her about her access to get grandson, and things got said on both sides). It was stupid, and I apologised for my part, she didn't respond though.I am extremely worried that he will use this in court against me. He is very manipulative, and I am worried people will believe his lies.My question is, should I go and see my doctor to prove i am NOT mentally ill....or am I just opening a can of worms?
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female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (14 October 2013):
 No, I do not think you should visit a doctor to prove you're not mentally ill. Doing so suggests there may be some validity to his claims and that his voice carries or should carry more weight than yours. If people want to believe him, don't make it easy for them. Let them come right out and say so, THEN address it, but again, don't volunteer to see a doctor.
If you're ever court ordered to do so, then yes, go ahead, but don't volunteer to put yourself through this sort of thing needlessly. Being on the defensive is not the ideal strategy.
What you can do is surround yourself with allies. Surely you have some friends and family nearby. If not then keep in touch with them regularly by phone.
Have you looked into what subsidized services you may qualify for? You might be pleasantly surprised to find there is more help out there for you than you realise. Even if you own your home and work full time.
Document any conversations you have with him or anyone on his behalf and keep a log of any incidents that occur with your son, such as the wet clothes (date time, circumstances). Keep copies of emails he or his camp send you.
Always be seen to be calm, rational and reasonable, but don't berate yourself for getting angry. Just do better next time. You have far more power here than you think. This will pass and you'll be stronger for it. It will work out.
A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy +, writes (13 October 2013):
 I remember your previous post about this man. Why are you still letting him contact you? Tell him one last time that all communication must be through your solicitor, and then never respond to him ever again. Better yet, let your solicitor tell him that, because he clearly doesn't listen to you. It will be worth the money.
Look, he's full of hot air. I'm not worried that he'll take away your children for a minute (going by your previous post), but I am worried about the effect this man has on you. He knows how to push your buttons and he's having a fine time doing it!
You don't need to see your doctor, unless you get sick from all the stress the ex is putting you through. Please cut him off ....
All the best to you & your children x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks 'like I see it'.
What you said is really nice and comforting!!
Thanks to all posters, you are all right, I just need to NOT let him get to me.
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A
female
reader, like I see it  +, writes (13 October 2013):
 The burden of proof is on the person making the accusations.You don't have to prove to your ex or anyone else that you are not crazy - he would have to prove in court that you are. Based on your previous posts it's pretty clear you're a good mother who only wants the best for your child, and your solicitor and social worker can back you up.Your ex, on the other hand, has a documented history of being abusive, unstable, and an unfit parent. Courts will recognize this and it will be taken into consideration when they evaluate any claim he tries to make about you. Your turbulent past history with him will serve as evidence that he can't provide an objective evaluation of your parenting skills as there is friction and dislike between you.I'm sorry he's dragging you through all this, but I honestly think you have nothing to worry about. Don't play into his mind games and spend money out of pocket getting proven "sane"... if he wants to fight you in court, let him bring the fight to you.Good luck and best wishes.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks everyone.
My ex and me haven't spoken in afew weeks, but yes you are right, what he has said is playing on my mind, and I shouldn't let him. He knows my worst fears (losing my boys, as im sure is the case for most mothers), and he is playing on that.
I will try and stop worrying, as he hasn't even seen a solicitor about it (and its been 3 months).
Thanks again.
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A
female
reader, Starlights +, writes (13 October 2013):
 Yes it is true that the abuser often tries to make the victim look bad in court.
He can try to manipulate but you need to have a strong case (just in case.)
You can prove you are a fit mother because you are attending college, making friends and taking care of your boys. This is all in evidence which is showing the court you have done so well since coming off anti depressants and coming out of the volatile situation.
I think your case is strong under these circumstances and as long as you are prepared with your own case showing you are attempting to live a good life with your boys,
you shouldn't have any problems if he does take you to court.
Wishing you the best.
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A
female
reader, Aunty Babbit +, writes (13 October 2013):
 Honeypie is right on the money.
Your ex would have to be the one to prove you mentally unfit. NOT YOU. Don't be an idiot and play into his hands.
You still haven't even heard from his solicitor.
My guess is that you won't because he's just messing with your head and YOU'RE LETTING HIM.
STOP communicating with him. All communication should go through your respective solicitors. Your solicitor should write to him advising him of this.
As for the text, honestly! How can one text prove mental instability? So things were said, big deal, people get angry and emotional all the time.
He should be more concerned about the texts he sent you saying he didn't want to see his son anymore!
He is clearly a controlling bully and you are letting him mess with your head.
STOP taking his calls. STOP letting him intimidate you. DO NOT enter into dialogue with him. Each time he attempts to make contact or sends you a message, pass it to your solicitor to handle.
You only need to focus on raising your son.
Do not be duped into giving him to your ex's parents under the guise of seeing their grandson because your ex will have made them believe all the lies about you and he will use the opportunity to get to your son.
If his parents want access to their grandson then they can go through court process too.
This man is a lazy, good for nothing, sleaze ball and you're well rid. Stop giving him headspace because I don't believe he's got the means, the intelligence, the commitment or the drive to follow through ANY of his threats and that includes taking you to court.
I hope this helps AB x
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (13 October 2013):
 He would HAVE to PROVE that you are unstable. Going OFF on your ex-MIL doesn't mean you are mentally ill. Just mad. Which honestly isn't that weird, given the situation.
Getting mad at someone meddling in your life is NORMAL. You lashed out and later apologized. How does that prove mental instability?
I would NOT go see a doctor to prove anything of the sorts. Why should you.
What I would suggest that that you STOP talking to your ex, have all communications regarding your shared child go though a 3rd neutral person. Contact the case worker and ask her what you should do. Because I'm sure she/he is well versed in the laws and regulations.
FOR GOODNESS sake stop believing in his threats. If you two DO talk (in regards to the child and he gets abusive, angry or just rotten tell him talk to you another day and HANG up. YOU really don't have to take his crap.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHello Starlights, thanks for your response.The abuse is on record with the police (I reported it too late, so not much was done).About 2 years ago I visited my doctor, and told her about the abusive relationship, and I was put on a mild form of anti depressant, I was on them for 2 months.So the abuse has been recorded with the police and my doctor.I have been told that the abuser tends to say these kind of things about the victim, to shift the blame away from themselves....but it still worries me that can manipulate other people to believe him.Everything else in my life is going ok, both my boys are happy and healthy, I am going to college and I have met some great new friends.I haven't even recieved anything offical to say he is taking me to court yet, so I may be worrying about nothing. But he hasn't seen our son for over 3 months now.
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A
female
reader, Starlights +, writes (13 October 2013):
If your doctor is a good doctor and you have NO previous medical history of mental illness (its a good idea too have your doctor's backup).
However if you already have a volatile relationship with your ex and its recorded down its not a good idea.
Hope that helps!
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