A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Can I still be a friend? Hello everyone. I have asked this before, but the question remains. I was in a very long relationship with this woman. We still talk/see each other on occasion. I guess what I am asking is: If you say yes-How did you do it? If you say no- Why did you do it? Thanks for the help. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2008): Steps to take...
1. Stay calm and relaxed.
2. If you happen to see him/her, just say hi or hello and ask her about his/her family or work life -- neutral topics.
3. Let go and allow yourself to start thinking of him/her in a new light that is separate from the concept of you and him/her together.
4. Don't try to talk to them all the time - it looks obviously desperate.
5. Send a message over the internet to your ex and say something along the lines of "I know we broke up but I would love to just be friends."
* Smile
* Text them or IM them, but not too often so they don't think that you are desperate to get back together with them.
* Try to remember that the past is in the past. No matter what happened, it only means as much as you let it mean. Sometimes loving or painful memories can affect how we feel in the moment- but you have control over how much weight you give your past when considering your present.
* Don't make comments about when you went out, just remember, only want to be friends.
* Don't feel forced to be their friend. You don't have to call them or e-mail them or act like you're super-close. Treat them like you would treat anyone else. Exes are people too.
* Don't get revenge on them or try to. Also, don't attempt to make them jealous. That can and will wreck a friendship.
and don't do these, it just doesn't help:
# Do not talk about your past relationship with him/her. And if you must, then think about what you say before you say it. It is a sensitive topic that has the potential to become hurtful and difficult to end on a good note.
# Do not try to find out why he/she dumped you (if you are the dumpee) and if you are the dumper, try not to make obvious comments on why you dumped them
good luck... :D
A
female
reader, huneygyrl +, writes (6 July 2008):
 I guess it all depends how you both departed. Was it a good break up? or bad break up? Are you having sex with her?
Every situation is different. I couldn't be friends with my ex because we have a daughter together. I know that sounds awkward but he's given up his rights and is doing completely nothing to see her or not even providing for her. He's 40 years old playing high school games.
Your question should be asked to the person you're wondering about if it could happen.
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A
female
reader, lexilou  +, writes (6 July 2008):
 I dated a work colleague for about 6 months, nothing heavy, he was great fun to be round but had serious sexual hang ups.
Because we had to work together we ended it amicably. We were never in love but had a lot of mutual respect and affection for each other. He nearly died from pneumonia a few months after and that brought us closer as friends as I cared enough about him to be there for him. Still talk occasionally now and he's going to be my daughter's tutor at 6th form college in september.
I havent stayed friends with any others apart from 2 friends with benefits but again no love involved and we were friends first anyway. I have tried but it always started out fine but ended in problems if one of us dated again. I think if you have been truly in love with someone and one of you didnt want the split then it becomes really hard when they move on.
My ex husband and I were friends to start with and we go through phases where he rings me to chat constantly, which I dont actually like, to him hating me when I get cross about something evil his girlfriend has done, too complicated to go into but it basically involves her stealing from my children and completely ignoring them and not accepting them after 7 years. We are currently at the stage where he hates me after she stole my daughters birthday money and I got mad about it, go figure!
So I think it depends on the individual and why you want to remain friends. Do you secretly harbour a reunion and think if you stay friends it will happen or just need this woman in your life? How will you feel if she dates again?
It could also stop you from moving on and finding love again yourself. But if you can stay true friends and accept that she will move on then good for you x
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A
reader, I Dont Lie +, writes (6 July 2008):
 If the breakup was due to a mutual basis, then staying as friends with him/her wouldnt be that much of a problem. The problem only creeps in when the breakup wasn't amicable, mutually agreed or when one partner, although mutually agreed to breakup, still has feelings for the other person.
It is always a good thing to keep some distance between each other after a breakup temporarily, regardless of the circumstances, as this allows both people to have some space and make sure the feelings from the past will not be mistaken for being merely friendly with each other. There will surely be confusion between the newly broken up relationship, even if slightly. Friendship could be rekindled after both of you have taken enough space apart.
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A
female
reader, starfairy +, writes (6 July 2008):
 I think it really depends on the people, I have stayed friends with all my ex's apart from one - we broke up years ago but he's still bitter about it and won't so much as even say hello back if I see him!
If you are both mature and reasonable people then no reason why you can't be friends...!
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