A
female
age
51-59,
*AGirl
writes:I am in a Long-Distance Relationship. Currently, he has a lot going on. (unemployed, singe-dad of 2, lives with mom and step/dad). He often withdrawls which I’m sure it is for him to refocus on his situation. He’s admitted being somewhat depressed (which tells me he’s more depressed than he lets on – he’s macho that way). I’m writing on this forum hoping you’ll reach out to me. I’m concerned that I may be putting up with too much.On top of him dealing with those things above…he’s now trying to quit smoking. He’s becoming introverted. I mentioned (repeatedly) that I’d like to come see him. Each time he was going to check his schedule (on which weekend he had the kids. That matters to the airport I fly into). He hasn’t given me the green light and that is leaving me to feel he doesn’t want to see me. I re-sprained my ankle while on the phone with him Saturday night. He was trying to hang up with me and I nearly tripped over my dog. It about brought me to tears but I told him I just sprained my ankle. Instead of offering concern for my agony he said “I hope you sleep well”. When I brought up my ankle on Sunday morning he admitted hearing it and not acknowledging. I told him that his behavior left me feeling that he didn’t care. And he snapped saying “you know that’s not true”. To which I calmly replied, “yes I do know that, but it’s comforting when you respond when I hurt”. He fell silent so the topic changed.Sunday afternoon, he mentioned that he had a chemical imbalance and causing him to feel tense and irritable. Sunday night, I ran into the TV stand and he (again) didn’t offer any comment about my pain. Since I have never smoked, I am hoping you can respond with two of my please. Can you please provide some guidance what nicotine withdrawal symptoms are?Can you provide some suggestions on how I may react to recent detachment behavior? Could they be cause of nicotine withdrawal, him dealing with his depressive situations, or even both?
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female
reader, GAGirl +, writes (3 March 2009):
GAGirl is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks K C100! I appreciate your reply and insight. He didn't return call me at all yesterday. This is typical behavior when he's 'feeling' a lot of negative emotions.
I will go search for nicotine withdrawal as well.
A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (2 March 2009):
 Well irritability and being tense are definate symptoms of nicotine withdrawal. But the longer he goes without smoking then the less these should bother him.
His behaviour sounds almost classic depressive. If he thinks he has got a chemical imbalance then he needs to go to a doctor and get properly diagnosed with depression, so he can start getting some help. He will probably need some anti-depressants and therapy too, to try and work through the reasons why he is feeling the way he is.
Unfortunately there is not a lot you can do here apart from encouraging him to get help and see the doctor. Stopping smoking is a good thing for him to do - try and encourage him with this as much as you can. Try to put to one side the way he is behaving - while it is hurting you he is not doing it intentionally and I'm sure deep down he does love you.
Do some research online into depression and this should give you more of an insight into the illness. He can get better as long as he is willing to try.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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