A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Can you maintain a healthy friendship with someone you are in love with?What about when you know they are not in love with you? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2009): oh god, if you are a glutton for punishment, you could be in love with your friend who doesn't love you back. I'm involved in a friends with benefits situation; similar in the fact that we are friends who have sex but I became more fond of him than he of me. He does not want a relationship right now. I love him and it hurts deeply that I have to keep this a secret from him and play it cool. I mentioned to him once my feelings and he panicked and disappeared for a bit. now he's come back and still wants to see me, but with the same previous arrangement. It's very complicated and heartbreaking, knowing you can't change the person's feelings.
Good luck and be careful.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks for the responses! makes me feel a lot better that it can be done................. with conscious effort, rationalism, and well.. distance.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2009): Yes, but it is very difficult, and could cause sleepless nights, and confusing days!
I have been in several relationships where I was willing to remain friends even though I knew they wanted more...I enjoyed the friendship and hoped that the caring we had for each other would be enough to maintain it.
I have also been on the other side of the fence twice in my life...where I knew no matter how much I wanted a lasting relationship with them, it would/could never happen! I loved them unconditionally...but new it would never be more than FWB!
I know if I would run into him today (which would never happen...we both moved away) I would love him just as I did 23 years ago!
So, it can be done, but it is difficult!
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A
female
reader, lah mouw +, writes (30 May 2009):
 Of course you can! Well if you feel you can maintain the friendship. It's all up to you. some people may feel it's too hard, others may not because they'd rather be friends with someone they're in love with than not have that person in their life y'know? So it is possible. But it all depends on how strongly you feel.
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